+1
:smileyrai
+1
:smileyrai
I will have a look for some more on the forum I got them off when I get home, there are loads of them lol.
Simon Cowell is more powerful than Jesus.
Sure, Jesus can turn water into wine, but Simon Cowell can turn shit into money.
Sure, Jesus can turn water into wine, but Simon Cowell can turn shit into money.
Thats the best joke ever.
Did you make it up, O wait I just rememberd it's common sense. XDshamelessly stolen off sickipedia
What do priests do after the mass?
Rape young boys and listen to Marylin Manson!
(Hey, the thread title *is* "The bad jokes thread"!)
Rape young boys and listen to Marylin Manson!
(Hey, the thread title *is* "The bad jokes thread"!)
Exactly and *not* the factual thread!
If God didn't want us to eat animals, why did he make them out of meat?
Three vampires walk into a bar. The barman walks up to them and asks what they would like to drink.
"Yeah, can I have 3 pints of blood please?" the vampires ask. "Sorry" replied the barman, "we don't serve blood here".
Two of the vampires, disappointed, walk over to the corner and sit down. The third, however, stays at the bar. The barman looks at him questioningly "Yes?" he asks.
"I'll have a pint of warm water then please" the vampire replies.
The now slightly confused barman hands the vampire the glass of water and the vampire heads over to the corner with his 2 friends. When he puts the glass down on the table the other vampires look shocked.
"What are you doing?!" one asks.
"What?" replies the third vampire, calmly pulling a used tampon out of his pocket,
"Have you never heard of teabags?"
"Yeah, can I have 3 pints of blood please?" the vampires ask. "Sorry" replied the barman, "we don't serve blood here".
Two of the vampires, disappointed, walk over to the corner and sit down. The third, however, stays at the bar. The barman looks at him questioningly "Yes?" he asks.
"I'll have a pint of warm water then please" the vampire replies.
The now slightly confused barman hands the vampire the glass of water and the vampire heads over to the corner with his 2 friends. When he puts the glass down on the table the other vampires look shocked.
"What are you doing?!" one asks.
"What?" replies the third vampire, calmly pulling a used tampon out of his pocket,
"Have you never heard of teabags?"
Gross.. but funny
A Sad, but Heartwarming Tale
Late last month, I was rushing around trying to get some last minute
shopping done. I was stressed out and not thinking very fondly of the
Christmas season right then. It was dark, cold, and wet in the parking
lot as I was loading my car up with gifts that I felt obligated to buy.
I noticed that I was missing a receipt that I might need later. So
mumbling under my breath, I retraced my steps to the shopping center
entrance.
As I was searching the wet pavement for the lost receipt, I heard a
quiet sobbing. The crying was coming from a poorly dressed boy of about
12 years old.
He was short and thin. He had no coat. He was just wearing a ragged
flannel shirt to protect him from the cold night's chill.
Oddly enough, he was holding a hundred dollar bill in his hand.
Thinking that he had gotten lost from his parents, I asked him what was
wrong. He told me his sad story. He said that he came from a large
family. He had three brothers and four sisters. His father had died
when he was nine years old. His mother was poorly educated and worked
two full time jobs. She made very little to support her large family.
Nevertheless, she had managed to skimp and save two hundred dollars to
buy her children Christmas presents. The young boy had been dropped off,
by his mother, on the way to her second job. He was to use the money to
buy presents for all his siblings and save just enough to take the bus
home. He had not even entered the mall, when an older boy grabbed one
of the hundred dollar bills and disappeared into the night.
"Why didn't you scream for help?" I asked.
The boy said, "I did."
"And nobody came to help you?" I wondered.
The boy stared at the sidewalk and sadly shook his head.
"How loud did you scream?" I inquired.
The soft-spoken boy looked up and meekly whispered, "Help me!"
I realized that absolutely no one could have heard that poor boy cry
for help.
So I grabbed his other hundred and ran to my car.
Late last month, I was rushing around trying to get some last minute
shopping done. I was stressed out and not thinking very fondly of the
Christmas season right then. It was dark, cold, and wet in the parking
lot as I was loading my car up with gifts that I felt obligated to buy.
I noticed that I was missing a receipt that I might need later. So
mumbling under my breath, I retraced my steps to the shopping center
entrance.
As I was searching the wet pavement for the lost receipt, I heard a
quiet sobbing. The crying was coming from a poorly dressed boy of about
12 years old.
He was short and thin. He had no coat. He was just wearing a ragged
flannel shirt to protect him from the cold night's chill.
Oddly enough, he was holding a hundred dollar bill in his hand.
Thinking that he had gotten lost from his parents, I asked him what was
wrong. He told me his sad story. He said that he came from a large
family. He had three brothers and four sisters. His father had died
when he was nine years old. His mother was poorly educated and worked
two full time jobs. She made very little to support her large family.
Nevertheless, she had managed to skimp and save two hundred dollars to
buy her children Christmas presents. The young boy had been dropped off,
by his mother, on the way to her second job. He was to use the money to
buy presents for all his siblings and save just enough to take the bus
home. He had not even entered the mall, when an older boy grabbed one
of the hundred dollar bills and disappeared into the night.
"Why didn't you scream for help?" I asked.
The boy said, "I did."
"And nobody came to help you?" I wondered.
The boy stared at the sidewalk and sadly shook his head.
"How loud did you scream?" I inquired.
The soft-spoken boy looked up and meekly whispered, "Help me!"
I realized that absolutely no one could have heard that poor boy cry
for help.
So I grabbed his other hundred and ran to my car.
Aww
But $100 is barely enough for an ice cream these days, so why'd you risk getting caught stealing it? Wow, I would have never expected that to happen.
As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "10 lamb chops, please."
Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth, and quickly closes the shop. He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus stop. The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench. When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus. The butcher follows, dumbstruck.
As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery. After awhile he stands on his back paws to push the "stop" button, then the butcher follows him off.
The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the stoop. He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap!- against the door. He does this again and again. No answer. So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, beats his head against a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door. A big guy opens it and starts cursing and pummeling the dog.
The butcher runs up screams at the guy: "What the hell are you doing? This dog's a genius!"
The owner responds, "Genius, my ass. It's the second time this week he's forgotten his key!"
Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth, and quickly closes the shop. He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus stop. The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench. When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus. The butcher follows, dumbstruck.
As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery. After awhile he stands on his back paws to push the "stop" button, then the butcher follows him off.
The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the stoop. He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap!- against the door. He does this again and again. No answer. So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, beats his head against a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door. A big guy opens it and starts cursing and pummeling the dog.
The butcher runs up screams at the guy: "What the hell are you doing? This dog's a genius!"
The owner responds, "Genius, my ass. It's the second time this week he's forgotten his key!"
Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff.
*ba-dum* *tisch*
*ba-dum* *tisch*
Why did Paul McCartney divorce Heather Mills?
He got fed up of coming home at night and finding her completely legless.
Have you seen Stevie Wonder's wife?
No, neither has he.
He got fed up of coming home at night and finding her completely legless.
Have you seen Stevie Wonder's wife?
No, neither has he.
Bloody hell that was an awful joke, hrtb 
red this from somewhere... might be this thread, dunno
if you think that things in your life suck, big time. well heres something to think your not going so bad. think that you are siamese twins. your brother is gay, and hes got a date this evening...
if you think that things in your life suck, big time. well heres something to think your not going so bad. think that you are siamese twins. your brother is gay, and hes got a date this evening...
Wouldn't that be a cymbal?
Haha! The bad joke has been found out to be worse than expected. Didn't even name the correct parts of the drumkit.
DILLIGAF?
The game
I was here
Just got asked in IRC to post this on the forum and I thought it best fits here:
http://www.weydahl.net/dump/retarded.PNG
http://www.weydahl.net/dump/retarded.PNG
woohoo ws.c got mentioned:bannana_g
She: "What's pie?"
He: "3.14...?"
She: "it's 3!"
He: "why?"
She: "it's round."
He: "3.14...?"
She: "it's 3!"
He: "why?"
She: "it's round."
The bad jokes thread
(1536 posts, started )
FGED GREDG RDFGDR GSFDG