Quote from samjh :

How do you get along with you sister? And is she old enough for you two to talk in-depth about these problems? If she is old enough and you two are close enough, perhaps you should talk with her (notice "with", not just "to") about the situation in your family and how it might be improved.

Well I have 3, and two of them have kids. None of them really "like" me that much, I sort of get one with one of them but things get spread around this family all too quickly.

[/quote]It sounds like you're getting very unreasonable treatment from your mother. Is it the divorce from your father? If you resemble your father, maybe she resents it. You said she has a disability; what does it prevent her from doing? [/quote]

Funny you should say that. She says I look like my Dad (which I do), and I'm more like my Dad in personality as well. She says that's not the reason but I've never really belived her.


[/quote]Don't focus on rights and wrongs. It's difficult to ignore the wrongs other people do to you, especially from your own family. But the problem with letting the anger fester is that you'll end up transmitting the same angst to your own family, if you ever get married and have children of your own. "Ungrace" within families is like a genetic disease, which spreads unless you cure it within yourself. I'd be willing to wager that your mother probably had family problems when she was growing up. The only cure I know of, is that you LOVE your mother, even if she HATES you, remembering that even though she treats you like dirt, she still keeps a roof over your head, looked after your schooling, bore you into this world, while trying somehow to look after her own problems.[/quote]

She, apparently, was abused when she was growing up, all sorts of bad things. Not sure if this is one of the reasons why, but hey.

[/quote](My biological mother left me when I was a baby - literally on the street - and I only met her 21 years later. She has defrauded me a large sum of money since then, but I still respect the fact she is my mother, and try to treat her well. Hard? Yes. But it's better for my conscience than bearing a grudge and carrying it on to the next generation.)[/quote]

>_< It's good you have that forgiveness, I definatly couldn't do that.

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Have you actually tried moving out and living with your dad? Is it possible? I wonder what her reaction will be if you did.

He wouldn't let me.

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Here's the only piece of advice I feel comfortable giving. This is life. You can either learn from it and make yourself a better person, or just "don't care" and trash yourself. Be positive. Make an effort to control what you can, and don't worry about controlling something you can't. You can't control your mother, but you can control your perception of her and how you react to her behaviour.

Well, that's a lot of mumbo jumbo, but I hope it helps you somehow.

Yeah, trying the whole positive. My Mum's 'issues' with me are out of my hands and I won't worry about trying to change it. It's easier said than done, I have quite a short temper and there will be a time when she just crosses the line.

Quote from S14 DRIFT :

She, apparently, was abused when she was growing up, all sorts of bad things. Not sure if this is one of the reasons why, but hey.

Then don't take what she says as a personal attack. She was abused, and therefore was psychologically changed pretty much for life, which is usually the end result from adults who were abused as a child. Therefore, anything she says may not be what she is feeling. If she's rude/mean to you, it's because this was ingrained in her mind. She was abused growing up, which means that her mind as a child absorbed that and so she subconsciously acts the same way as the people who abused her, even though she probably dislikes them. It's often said that what people hate most about other people is how they see themselves. Same concept. Her hate of whomever abused her has basically made her act similarly (although, most likely alot more mildly then how she was treated).

Quote from S14 DRIFT :

Yeah, trying the whole positive. My Mum's 'issues' with me are out of my hands and I won't worry about trying to change it. It's easier said than done,

They aren't her issues with you, they're her issues with her. Don't get your issues confused with your mother's issues. Move the hell out. You don't have it very bad off. If you're going to make a big deal because your mother is being mean to you, then you will not have a very good life. I have family member(s) that are an example of this.

Quote from S14 DRIFT :

I have quite a short temper and there will be a time when she just crosses the line.

Is it really completely her fault when she "crosses the line"? Maybe it's partially your fault for drawing the "line" that low. Although you may not be blaming her for "crossing the line," your statement seems like you are. Just don't worry about what she says, move out, and move on. It sounds like you've become too attached to your Mom. Even though you are complaining about how your mother is acting, you don't want to move out because you don't think you'd make it on your own. Maybe due to the way she raised you. But you'll have to overcome that. Don't become that stereotypical person that lives in their mother's basement.

Nope W4H. As said earlier I accept some of the blame, but it's a 2 way thing, yknow?

I'd move out but as I said, I can't afford it, and have nowhere else to go. But maybe you've got it wrong.. I'm not attached to my Mum at all. I'm only here because I can't go anywhere else, trust me.. if I could. I would.

Dunno about her abused stuff passing down to me, she says it has nothing to do with it.

Quote from S14 DRIFT :

Nope W4H. As said earlier I accept some of the blame, but it's a 2 way thing, yknow?

Okay, never mind then.

Quote from S14 DRIFT :

I'd move out but as I said, I can't afford it, and have nowhere else to go. But maybe you've got it wrong.. I'm not attached to my Mum at all. I'm only here because I can't go anywhere else, trust me.. if I could. I would.

Why are you unable to get a better job?

Quote from S14 DRIFT :

Dunno about her abused stuff passing down to me, she says it has nothing to do with it.

It's pretty much unavoidable, but whatever you say.

Well for one, how can I get a job when there are actually only 3 jobs in Newbury/Thatcham (my local area). These are either hairdressing or being one of those call centre operatives. Not doing either of those

ok, this is what i think.

First of all the gf bit, i hope you dont get angry on me for saying this, but most girls at teenage years are bitches/sluts. I can understand the "love" and your heart being "broken" by her, but seriously after 1 month it should all be gone.... one massive reason i dont get into massive relations with girls is because them saying to me "i love you so muchxxx" and then seeing her say same thing to other 50 boys makes me sick..... If you trully have been really good to her, she will feel stupid for letting you go in couple of years time.

The paren bit, well who doesnt get into big arguments with parents these days? If i see that the conversation wont work i just walk off...
and tbh, your 17, you should know this stuff already. Another thing is, well yes, you should try to get a job, yes she still has to support you as you arent an "adult" yet, but your old enough to look after your self. (or you should be)

Ask what she wants you to do to make her happy. See what she says, i doubt anything logical...

Good luck mate

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v ... KMlcE&feature=related

have a listen mate, relax

Quote from DevilDare :

ok, this is what i think.

First of all the gf bit, i hope you dont get angry on me for saying this, but all girls at teenage years are bitches/sluts. I can understand the "love" and your heart being "broken" by her, but seriously after 1 month it should all be gone.... one massive reason i dont get into massive relations with girls is because them saying to me "i love you so muchxxx" and then seeing her say same thing to other 50 boys makes me sick..... If you trully have been really good to her, she will feel stupid for letting you go in couple of years time.

The paren bit, well who doesnt get into big arguments with parents these days? If i see that the conversation wont work i just walk off...
and tbh, your 17, you should know this stuff already. Another thing is, well yes, you should try to get a job, yes she still has to support you as you arent an "adult" yet, but your old enough to look after your self. (or you should be)

Ask what she wants you to do to make her happy. See what she says, i doubt anything logical...

Good luck mate

Not all teenage girls are sluts at all. But I'd agree that quite alot are

Well Devil, she wasn't one of "bitches/sluts" that are commonplace. She was probably one of the few genuine girls around - That's why I cared. But it's much better than it used to be!

(J@kto +1 )

Hmm.. parents. Gotta love 'em eh? I do normally walk away - I go and do some mega miles on my bike but I'm not in the mood for doing that at the moment, because it has trouble moving because it was restricted to 33bhp. It's coming off ASAP and then it won't be an issue. Because of that I'm normally stuck to being here or running off to my mates house for half a day, just to get some air.

She'll want me to spend some time with her, or, "to not be rude" to her. I'm not spending any time with her because I don't _want_ to. The "to be rude" thing is a 2 way battle and she needs to put some effort it to make it work.

Quote from J@tko :

Not all teenage girls are sluts at all. But I'd agree that quite alot are

well ok, changed it

16 to apply for provisional. You can ride a 50cc moped at this age.

17 to drive a car (any power/size/speed) or a bike up to 125cc on the provisional, or any capacity up to 33bhp for 2 years. (Restricted A2 licence)

21 (D.A.S lience) to ride any bike with any power

Quote from S14 DRIFT :

Well for one, how can I get a job when there are actually only 3 jobs in Newbury/Thatcham (my local area). These are either hairdressing or being one of those call centre operatives. Not doing either of those

So what? You must not be that bad off then, if you are able to refuse job opportunites. Hey, if I was poor, and I could get a job as a hairdresser or call center operative, hell, I'd do it.

It's more than that. I'm crap on the phone and I cannot even cut my own hair, let alone someone elses.

Quote from S14 DRIFT :

It's more than that. I'm crap on the phone and I cannot even cut my own hair, let alone someone elses.

Then prostitute yourself. Or go learn how to do something useful.

Quote from wheel4hummer :

Then prostitute yourself. Or go learn how to do something useful.

Am trying

Not the prostitute myself bit though D:

I totaly feel you man only i have this problem with my dad and his GF.

I just cant stand the two of them togetter becaus she hates me and Dad always choose her side so I grw sick of going to dads in the weekend.

So I rarely see him now only on my Bday , but iI had my mons i can stil live at and stil do.
So my advice se maybe if you dad accepts you to live at his place if you and you mom dont get along

Did you consider getting some help from a "social worker" or something similar (from your commune)?

It may help to get some "outsider" involved, someone who can communicate between you and your mum without being biased, some sort of "Super Nanny" , hope you understand what i mean.
To sit everything out till you're 18 won't help the overall situation i think, neither does running away(IMO).

Quote from S14 DRIFT :

I'm the only "son" that my Mum's had and even she'd admitted when I was a newborn baby, that she wanted another girl and "I had to accept that it was a boy", as I overhead on the phone.

People are just people, parents make no exception: don't take whatever they say like they really mean it. Sometimes their brain happens to be disconnected from their mouth and comes up with that kind of atrocious things.

Quote from Chrisuu01 :

I totaly feel you man only i have this problem with my dad and his GF.

I just cant stand the two of them togetter becaus she hates me and Dad always choose her side so I grw sick of going to dads in the weekend.

So I rarely see him now only on my Bday , but iI had my mons i can stil live at and stil do.
So my advice se maybe if you dad accepts you to live at his place if you and you mom dont get along

Yeah I'd stay at my Dads but tbh that's not practical. All my freinds are in Thatcham/newbury, I work in newbury, and my training course is in newbury. It's quite a long commute to go to and from Reading 3 or 4 times a week (40 mile round trip, so that's 160 miles a week just in commuting >_<), and there's nowhere to keep my bke at his house either.

Quote from ACCAkut :

Did you consider getting some help from a "social worker" or something similar (from your commune)?

It may help to get some "outsider" involved, someone who can communicate between you and your mum without being biased, some sort of "Super Nanny" , hope you understand what i mean.
To sit everything out till you're 18 won't help the overall situation i think, neither does running away(IMO

Yeah there was going to be some mediation thing but it isn't going through for whatever reason.

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NightShift]People are just people, parents make no exception: don't take whatever they say like they really mean it. Sometimes their brain happens to be disconnected from their mouth and comes up with that kind of atrocious things.

Maybe true. But I'm not so sure.

Quote from S14 DRIFT :

Maybe true. But I'm not so sure.

To a certain extent it doesn't matter if it's true or not, you make it become true.

Mind you I had written a much longer post but erased most of it, I just shared that one piece of thing I happened to have realized over the years - TBH who am I to tell you how to set things straight, anyway? you only know how your parents and your true situation are, I'm just a nick on a board you hang on and one you probably don't especially like either.

In the end, even with girls, it's just a state of YOUR mind, if you still feel bad it's not because she was special but becuse you made her special.

Try to detach your emotions from the things that happen to you, focus on something you want to achieve and that will give a perspective to your life so you don't fold over yourself and endlessly contemplate how bad is your life. It's not that bad. There's much worse than that.

And if you still feel in that mood, may I suggest some Pink Floyd? It's just about the best you can get to fuel your depression: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-MLxgkiPNg

Listen to tupacs songs. He'll answer your questions.

Hmm, all I can say is wait until tomorrow and see how you feel about it all. When you have a massive falling out you tend to start thinking of all the bad things in life, no matter how small, and they all suddenly seem a lot worse, and then the next day it all seems so insignificant.

Of course I don't know wether you have just had a bit of a falling out or wether things are a bit more serious.

As for girls, loving someone is all very lovely, but it brings all kinds of trouble with it, in my view, it isn't worth it.

Quote from S14 DRIFT :

My Mum doesn't like my Dad at all, always saying nasty things about him, yet she's freindly enough when she needs him to pick up the phone. As you may have noticed, pretty much as soon as I started getting on with my Dad, things started going downhill with my Mum.

It sounds like your mum is still at war with your dad, trying to "win" the divorce, and you have become the battlefield. So everything that might indicate that you're leaning towards your dad's side upsets her.

I don't know any solution for that, TBH. Moving out might be the best option.

Quote from thisnameistaken :

Well, first up, girlfriend: Splitting up with a "serious" girlfriend at 17 is a ****ing tragedy. You will suffer, in ways you've never had to deal with before, and probably never will again. At best it will turn you into a well-rounded individual a few years down the line - you'll be better able to sympathise, understand other peoples' losses, you'll know yourself better. And you'll know what pain is. At worst it will make you bitter.

+1 on this kev, doing that with the girl I'd been seeing for nearly a year (OMG SO LONG ), made me a hell of a lot better person and I actually have a positive outlook on life, and learnt how to deal with depression and sadness a lot better than I used to.

For example: In past when I'd had something bad happen to me, I'd just mope around, lay in bed, and just overall be a huge lump of a person.

Now: After splitting with girlfriend, I had a positve outlook, was going to move on and find something happy to do, and now.. I don't think I've been happier in a long time

Quote from wsinda :

It sounds like your mum is still at war with your dad, trying to "win" the divorce, and you have become the battlefield. So everything that might indicate that you're leaning towards your dad's side upsets her.

I don't know any solution for that, TBH. Moving out might be the best option.

In my case, I use that situation to my advantage, to get my parents to do stuff for me.

This is more or less the exact same thing with me, hate is a strong word and im beginning to feel it for my mum and dad, i can't stand either of them, constant checking up on me, trying to tell me what the **** im doing! Then they go on about JOBS AGAIN! AND AGAIN! AND AGAIN! Like you say, there is none, then when i tell them ive been applying to some online its "dont be stupid, no-one takes any notice of that stuff, you need to get off your ass and go to them" which ive done like a million times, only to be met by some retard that doesn't know shit!

My sister is 5 and although it sounds pathetic were constantly bickering (shes smart for her age) and IMO shes an evil kid, she really is going to turn out 5x worse than i did and the reason i was like the way i was was because of my mum and dad, i was so angry all the time and it ended up in me being kicked out of 2 schools.. Anyway before i get my life story out i feel the exact same way more or less and its getting me down.