This may take a moment.
(by me, coz of todays team event)
Some ppl are not coming, because its valentines day, and they have sex now.
Some ppl are not coming, because its valentines day, and they have sex now.
How's that a joke?
it's just the truth.
I seriously doubt that.
Alfie Patten,the 13 year old dad has joined Fathers for Justice.
He doesn't understand the politics of it all but he already has a Spiderman outfit!!
He doesn't understand the politics of it all but he already has a Spiderman outfit!!
LOL
Thats a good one
Ha Ha at Bean0...proof that he reads The Sun...and worse than that..he reads Jane Moores' column!!!
(I know it was from the sun, cos my Missus read it out to me this evening!)
Lol Bean0!
Danger Danger! Possibly Offensive! when we touch...when we kiss...
Steve Irwin died the same way he lived...
With animals in his heart.
Danger Danger! Possibly Offensive! when we touch...when we kiss...
Steve Irwin died the same way he lived...
With animals in his heart.
No Sir.
Like most things I post, I found it on another forum
LoL Timdpr thats bloody cruel xD but funny 
and messy too
everything's fair in love war and forced animal intercourse
One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts.
He'd toss them in the air, and then catch them in his mouth In the
middle of catching one, his wife asked him a question - and as he
turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear.
He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper.
He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they
became worried and decided to go to the hospital.
As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home
with her date. After being informed of the problem, their
daughter's date said he could get the peanut out..
The young man told the father to sit down, then proceeded to
shove two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard.
When the father blew, the peanut flew out of his ear.
The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young
man insisted that it was nothing.
Once he was gone, the mother turned to the father and said,
'That's so wonderful! Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be when
he grows older?'
The father replied, 'From the smell of his fingers, our son-in-law.
He'd toss them in the air, and then catch them in his mouth In the
middle of catching one, his wife asked him a question - and as he
turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear.
He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper.
He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they
became worried and decided to go to the hospital.
As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home
with her date. After being informed of the problem, their
daughter's date said he could get the peanut out..
The young man told the father to sit down, then proceeded to
shove two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard.
When the father blew, the peanut flew out of his ear.
The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young
man insisted that it was nothing.
Once he was gone, the mother turned to the father and said,
'That's so wonderful! Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be when
he grows older?'
The father replied, 'From the smell of his fingers, our son-in-law.
Here's another cruel one (don't kill me :schwitz
Has anyone seen Jade Goody's 2009 calender? Mine only goes up to March.
Has anyone seen Jade Goody's 2009 calender? Mine only goes up to March.
Hilarious, but harsh
Very Frankie Boyle, brilliant!
EDIT:
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the stars and tell me, what do you see?"
Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars."
Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?"
Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like earth out there. And if there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life."
And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."
EDIT:
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the stars and tell me, what do you see?"
Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars."
Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?"
Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like earth out there. And if there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life."
And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."
Lol!!!!!
'A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to see a gynaecologist. The doctor takes one good look at this woman and his professionalism is a thing of the past. Right away he tells her to undress. After she has disrobed he begins to stroke her thigh.
As he does he says to the woman: "Do you know what I`m doing ?"
"Yes," she says, "you`re checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities."
"Correct," says the doctor.
He then begins to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I`m doing now", he says.
"Yes," says the woman, "you`re checking for any lumps or breast cancer."
"That`s right," replies the doctor. He then gradually proceeds to having sexual intercourse with her. "Do you know," he pants "what I`m doing now?"
"Yes," she says. "You`re getting herpes."
As he does he says to the woman: "Do you know what I`m doing ?"
"Yes," she says, "you`re checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities."
"Correct," says the doctor.
He then begins to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I`m doing now", he says.
"Yes," says the woman, "you`re checking for any lumps or breast cancer."
"That`s right," replies the doctor. He then gradually proceeds to having sexual intercourse with her. "Do you know," he pants "what I`m doing now?"
"Yes," she says. "You`re getting herpes."
I hope I translate this right...
How do you cause claustrophobia to a blind man?
You put his walking stick to a bucket.
This is racial, so if you're easily offended, don't read any further...
Why is there also white chocolate?
So that gipseys don't bite off their fingers
How do you cause claustrophobia to a blind man?
You put his walking stick to a bucket.
This is racial, so if you're easily offended, don't read any further...
Why is there also white chocolate?
So that gipseys don't bite off their fingers
sry black people but...LOL
A duck hunter was out enjoying a nice morning on the marsh when he decided to take a leak.... He walked over to a tree and propped up his gun. Just then a gust of wind blew, the gun fell over, and discharged... shooting him in the genitals.
Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his doctor.
'Well sir, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you are going to be OK. The damage was local to your groin, there was very little internal damage, and we were able to remove all of the buckshot.'
'What's the bad news?' asked the hunter.
'The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your penis. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister.'
'Oh, well I guess that isn't too bad,' the hunter replied. 'Is your sister a plastic surgeon?'
'Not exactly.' answered the doctor. 'She's a flute player in the local symphony and she's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't piss in your eye.'
Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his doctor.
'Well sir, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you are going to be OK. The damage was local to your groin, there was very little internal damage, and we were able to remove all of the buckshot.'
'What's the bad news?' asked the hunter.
'The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your penis. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister.'
'Oh, well I guess that isn't too bad,' the hunter replied. 'Is your sister a plastic surgeon?'
'Not exactly.' answered the doctor. 'She's a flute player in the local symphony and she's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't piss in your eye.'
Jade Goody's calender only goes up to March. Cruel.
I met a guy in the pub the other night. I asked him how his job was and he said his career was in ruins. I said that the global financial crisis had hit a lot of people hard. He said "No, I'm an archaeologist".
What do you call a guy with no shin? Toe-Knee.
what do you call jade goody in a wedding dress?
a shuttlecock
a shuttlecock
I lol'd. Hard.
The bad jokes thread
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