Man is at the airport.
- Name?
- Abdul al-Rhazib.
- Sex?
- Three to five times a week.
- No, no... I mean, male or female?
- Male, female, sometimes camel.
- Holy cow!
- Yes, cow, sheep, animals in general.
- But isn't that hostile?
- Horse style, doggy style, any style!
- Oh dear!
- No, no! Deer run too fast!


How do u stop a dog humping ur leg?pick it up and suck on it's cock!

Quote from Bean0 :

The DNA of Bin Laden has come back with a reading of 24% cocoa, 52% coconut, 18% sugar and 6% milk. Experts say this is probably due to the bounty on his head.

Wrong thread, this is the bad jokes thread.

Quote from Bean0 :

The DNA of Bin Laden has come back with a reading of 24% cocoa, 52% coconut, 18% sugar and 6% milk. Experts say this is probably due to the bounty on his head.

- TSA: Touchin', Squeezin', Arrestin'

- You were a virgin.

- We handle more packages than the DHL

- The TSA isn't silly, they just want to inspect your willy.

- No Shirt, No Shoes, No Problem.

- Reach out and touch someone.

Why does a chicken coop have only two doors?
If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.

Quote from jrd.racer :

Why does a chicken coop have only two doors?
If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.

:hidesbehi

Did you guys know that The Clash were avid users of Windows?

What, you never heard of 'Lock The Taskbah' before?



(now whenever you hear the song lock the taskbah will be the only way you can sing along mwuhahaha )

The horror film scared my dad half to death. Now he's afraid he will see another one.

;;;

She said "you can come over now honey no ones home."...... and he went over and no one was home.

good news and bad news.

good news; my dog doesn't like peanut butter.

bad news; i have to wash peanut butter off my balls. :/

"Chuck Norris dosn't flush the toilet, he scares the SH*T! out of it"

...a youtube comment.

Quote from jrd.racer :

"Chuck Norris dosn't flush the toilet, he scares the SH*T! out of it"

...a youtube comment.

I lol'd

When God said "Let there be light", Chuck Norris said: "say 'Please'"

Quote from Velociround :

I lol'd

When God said "Let there be light", Chuck Norris said: "say 'Please'"

Ahaha, nice one......

"Some people wear superman pajamas, Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas"

i heard if you put Chuck Norris in front of a mirror, i doesn't recognise himself.

Quote from jrd.racer :

Why does a chicken coop have only two doors?
If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.

Do you (not you personally, English speaking peoples in general) pronounce coupe that way? I thought it was 'coupay' (eggarated pronunciation) as it is in Dutch. (Which is a silly language anyway).


OT: what's the difference between pussy and parsley?







nobody eats parsley.


Also, chuck norris is a fag. Come at me

Quote from Osco :

Come at me

i bet you say that to all the boys.

what's the difference between a rooster and a whore?
a rooster says "Cockadoodle doo" and a whore says "Any Cock'll do"

Coop is how the Americans say it generally, because é is a hard concept for them to grasp. Though it's the same for some british folk.

Yeah, always those anglophones shortening Porsche to Porsh. There's an E at the end of it, and germans wouldn't dare put it anywhere where it isn't pronounced.

Quote from Osco :

Do you (not you personally, English speaking peoples in general) pronounce coupe that way? I thought it was 'coupay' (eggarated pronunciation) as it is in Dutch. (Which is a silly language anyway).

It the bad jokes thread. Also did you mean exaggerated. Hehe messin wit yar

Quote from ColeusRattus :

Yeah, always those anglophones shortening Porsche to Porsh. There's an E at the end of it, and germans wouldn't dare put it anywhere where it isn't pronounced.

I'm guilty of that, and I'm fully aware of German language. So it's a double fail.

The only thing is, if you're to pronounce things properly, people look at you as if you are trying to hard to be correct (I guess this problem doesn't happen in Germany).

You won't make many friends if you are correcting them etc over one letter.

Not that I'm bitching about you CR.

I was walking past the mental ward in the hospital the other day and could hear all the patients shouting 13! 13! 13! Me being a nosey c*nt wanted to see what was going on. So, I looked through the keyhole and 1 of the mad bastards poked me in the eye and they all started shoutin 14! 14! 14!!!!

A dwarf with a lisp goes into a stud farm
'I'd like to buy a horth' he says
What sort of horse?', said the owner a
'A female horth,' the owner shows him a mare.
'Nithe horth,' says the dwarf, 'can I thee her eyth?"
owner picks him up shows the eyes.
'Nith eyth', says the dwarf, 'can I thee her teeth?'
owner picks him up shows the teeth.
'Nith teeth,' he says 'now can I see her twot?'
the owner picks him up and shoves his head deep
inside the horses vagina,pulls him out.The dwarf shakes his head and says 'Perhaps I should weefwaze that...
'Can I see her wun awound?'

A woman sees her doctor.
"I have some pretty strong flatulence since last monday. You can't hear them nor smell them, since I entered this room I farted like 6 times without you noticing. It won't go away and I'm a bit concerned and want to ask you what to do about it."

He takes his note pad, scribbles a prescription on it and tells her to see him in a week. A week later, she sits in his office again.

"I don't know what you prescribed me, but now my farts stink like hell."

The doctor leans back in his chair and says:
"Good, now that your nose is working again we can start on your ears."

Quote from dadge :

A dwarf with a lisp goes into a stud farm
'I'd like to buy a horth' he says
What sort of horse?', said the owner a
'A female horth,' the owner shows him a mare.
'Nithe horth,' says the dwarf, 'can I thee her eyth?"
owner picks him up shows the eyes.
'Nith eyth', says the dwarf, 'can I thee her teeth?'
owner picks him up shows the teeth.
'Nith teeth,' he says 'now can I see her twot?'
the owner picks him up and shoves his head deep
inside the horses vagina,pulls him out.The dwarf shakes his head and says 'Perhaps I should weefwaze that...
'Can I see her wun awound?'

(roffle)


What's the difference between cotton wool and diahorrea?


You can't gargle with cotton wool.

Ugh I know many jokes but I'd probably get banned for every one of them

post them anyway


what has 7 balls and screws old ladies?

the lottery