Who foiled "the great evil bakery pact on Christmas eve 1925" ?




A mince spy.

What is the difference between Václav Havel and PUNK?

PUNK is not dead.

Its cruel.

Quote from dadge :

I dig, you dig, we dig, he digs, she digs, they dig.

It's not a beautiful poem, but it's very deep.

Quote from Klouczech :

What is the difference between Václav Havel and PUNK?

PUNK is not dead.

Its cruel.

:')

"Doctor, doctor, I'm addicted to Twitter!"

"I'm sorry, I don't follow you."

Son: Dad can I go to a 50 Cent concert>

Dad: Sure, here is a dollar take your sister too.

Not a joke but a sketch from a comedy show. Finns will/might get it and it might be either funny or offensive to them. So it actually fits this thread.

Finnish payback to Estonians for all the shit we've done to them...
http://youtu.be/2adV6PkgFNA

Quote from Kalev EST :

http://youtu.be/2adV6PkgFNA

Didn't get it but I laughed at your silly language

I think this thread should be joined with this thread

Quote from Chupacabras84 :

I think this thread should be joined with this thread

Stanley died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly.

The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Cooter and Gomer.

The three men had always done everything together.

Cooter arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet,

Cooter said, 'Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over.'

The mortician rolled him over and Cooter said, 'Nope, ain't Stanley '

The mortician thought this was rather strange.

So he brought Gomer in to confirm the identity of the body.

Gomer looked at the body and said, 'Yup, he's pretty well burnt up.

Roll him over..'

The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, 'No, it ain't Stanley '

The mortician asked, 'How can you tell?'

Gomer said, 'Well, Stanley had two a**holes.'

'What? He had two a**holes?' asked the mortician.

'Yup, we never seen 'em, but everybody used to say:

'There's Stanley with them two a**holes.'

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define "great" he replied, 'I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!'
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

Quote from lurendrejer :

Stanley died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly.

The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Cooter and Gomer.

The three men had always done everything together.

Cooter arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet,

Cooter said, 'Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over.'

The mortician rolled him over and Cooter said, 'Nope, ain't Stanley '

The mortician thought this was rather strange.

So he brought Gomer in to confirm the identity of the body.

Gomer looked at the body and said, 'Yup, he's pretty well burnt up.

Roll him over..'

The mortician rolled him over and Gomer said, 'No, it ain't Stanley '

The mortician asked, 'How can you tell?'

Gomer said, 'Well, Stanley had two a**holes.'

'What? He had two a**holes?' asked the mortician.

'Yup, we never seen 'em, but everybody used to say:

'There's Stanley with them two a**holes.'

Wow.

spheres...theres no point to them...

STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0% ON AN EXAM

I would have given him 100% - Have to admire their style!

Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die?
... ... * his last battle

Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
* at the bottom of the page

Q3. River Ravi flows in which state?
* liquid

Q4. What is the main reason for divorce?
* marriage

Q5. What is the main reason for failure?
* exams

Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast?
* Lunch & dinner

Q7. What looks like half an apple?
* The other half

Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
* It will simply become wet

Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ?
* No problem, he sleeps at night.

Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
* You will never find an elephant that has only one hand..

Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have ?
* Very large hands

Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
* No time at all, the wall is already built.

Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
*Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack

haha!

I'd like to know in which subject this exam was.

I actually think those are reasonable answers. maybe the exam should have been more specific. and if that's the case then it's the exam that's failed. :S

I have just started an intense sexual relationship with a blind woman.
It's very rewarding but quite challenging too - it took me ****ing ages to get her husband's voice just right!

A piece of black tarmac walks into a bar and shouts "I'm the hardest bastard in here!"
The barman says, "Calm down mate, of course you are, you're a piece of tarmac."
Then a piece of red tarmac enters and screams "I'll fight anyone here who wants a beating!!". Black tarmac stays silent. "No?" taunts red tarmac, "Bunch of puffs!", and he sits down with his drink.
The barman says to black tarmac, "Why didn't you say anything? I thought you wanted a fight?"
Black tarmac replies, "I'm not messing with that, he's a ****ing cycle-path!"

If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...

As I watched my girlfriend walking down the aisle towards me, I was incredibly happy.

My heart was beating fast and I could hardly contain my excitement.

It seemed to take forever, but eventually there she was, stood beside me.

I gave her a cheeky grin and said, "Get that trolley ready babe, they're doing 3 cases of lager for the price of 2."

I'm wasted. But this condom in my pocket doesn't have to be.

more of a chat up line, but w/e

Remember this is the bad jokes thread, not the shit jokes thread.

Chuck Norris.