lol

As me and the wife headed off on a romantic holiday we talked about what kinky things we'd like to do to each other.

She said, "I've always wanted to be handcuffed."

So I planted a kilo of coke in her suitcase.

LOL this thread is epic.

Anyone else think that Jessica Biel, should name her first child Batmo???

so that batman could ride her for his next movie

How many ears does Spock have?

3! The left ear, the right ear, and the final front ear.

HAHAHAHA best joke ever.

A London lawyer travelling through Dublin runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by an Irish Garda. He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a London lawyer and is certain that he has a better education than any paddy cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Garda's expense!!

Irish Garda says,"License and registration, please."

London Lawyer says, "What for?"

Irish Garda replies, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the Stop sign."

London Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."

Irish Garda says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration, please."

London Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"

Irish Garda says, "The difference is, you have to come to complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!"

London Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between 'slow down' and 'stop', I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."

Irish Garda says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir."

The London lawyer exits his vehicle.
The Irish Garda takes out his baton and starts beating the **** out of the lawyer with it and says, "Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?

‎"Give it to me!" She yelled, "I'm so ****ing wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, I was keeping the umbrella.

Just watched a dog chase its tail for 5 minutes and I thought: "Wow! Dogs are easily entertained!" Then I realized I was watching a dog chase its tail for 5 minutes.

This is a really bad joke.

thats no joke, thats 4chan. THere something like this makes "sense"

4chan, especially /b/ is the most f--ked up place on the internet. That's why it's awesome.

lol

JJB are selling the last batch of Jimmy Saville tracksuits. The adult tops are fine but you're expected to squeeze in to children's bottoms.

A man goes to the doctor for his annual check-up, and the doctor tells him,
"You need to stop masturbating."
The man asks, "Why?"
The doctor replies,
"Because I'm trying to examine you"

Whats black and white and black and white and black............................


Penguin stuck in a revolving door.

How much does one hipster weigh?
One InstaGram.

How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.

How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
It's kind of an obscure number, you've probably never heard of it.

Why couldn't they find the hipsters body?
It was too underground.

Why did the hipster drown?
He went ice skating before it was cool.

I heard a hipster drowned, huh, he must of fell into the mainstream...

The hipster convention at my town was a total failure, probably because nobody had even heard of it.

Push a hipster down the stairs...Look whos Tumblin now.

Has anybody tried the new Wookie Steaks? Easy to cook but a little chewy...

Chewy ... guess thats a common dog name in the South East

Quote from ACCAkut :

Chewy ... guess thats a common dog name in the South East

and a wookies name...

Quote from ACCAkut :

Chewy ... guess thats a common dog name in the South East

A sniper comes home after a long day and says to his wife:
"I missed you today!"

Paddy and Murphy are on a building site.
Paddy says "I want a day off sick, I'm gonna pretend I'm mad". He climbs up to the rafters and hangs upside down and shouts "I'm a light-bulb! I'm a light-bulb!"
The foreman shouts "You're fecking mad, go home!" So he leaves the site.....

Murphy packs up to leave as well. The foreman asks "Where the feck are you going?" Murphy replies "I can't work in the feckin dark can I ?"

I bed with a lass the other night, she exclaimed "oh my god, that's the biggest one I've ever felt!"


"Naah, you're pulling my leg, love."

There are two things in life where penetration is really important.....and one of them is welding.