Today I stepped on a slug while walking the dog, but then I had a thought...what if the slug squashed itself onto my shoe on purpose? That raised an important question in my cranium, why would a slug want to commit suicide? I phoned the Samaritans but they rudely hung up on me, they seemed to think I was making fun of their service by pretending to be a suicidal slug. I was trying to find out if they had a system in place to deal with suicidal slugs, if they did have one then it would prove other slugs are suicidal too, and I would be able to ask them why those slugs also wanted to kill themselfs.
I decided I had gone about it the wrong way, and switched to treating it as a criminal investigation. So I fenced off the path around the slug using sticks, then drew a chalk outline of the squashed slug, which was quite hard since it spread out quite a lot and was really sticky. I made a break through when I found the slug trail leading to the crime scene, I was able to trace it back to the slugs home. The trail stopped at a tiny laptop, I looked at the page that was left open and realised it was the LFS Forum. I check which thread it was, and it was this one.
My conclusion is that the slug was in the process of inventing a tiny slug triangle piano, it discovered lerts' plan to make a human version and it realised his tiny slug piano would never be able to compete on the open market, given the lack of slugs wanting to play a normal piano, let alone a triangle one. When it realised this it took the decision to take its little slug life, and spent the next 2 weeks stalking me and calculating what time I would step on a certain area of path, then all it had to do was set off a few days before to get into position.
If you think I am crazy for coming to that conclusion then you are bullies that don't respect my right to express ideas without receiving any negative feedback for them.
It's 01:19am on the 19th, that means cheese tastes better and slugs are happy for the next minute.
@JJ72. Am sad naow.)