Gary Glitter tried to commit suicide last week. He went to drown himself in the sea, but got found bobbing up and down on a bouy.

What do you call a judge with no thumbs?













Justice Fingers.

Far away in Lapland, the eldest person of a little Sami village turned 100 years old. So a reporter of a nationwide radio station came to interview him.
The reporter asked the old man if he had a funny story he would like to tell to people on air. The eldest used a minute to think, and started telling a story: "Well, I remember a summer when this young college girl came to visit the village. One day she got lost in the woods. So all the men in the village went after her, and when we found her we all ****ed her in the ass"

"But that's a terrible story" the reporter shouted. "Tell me some other funny story". "Well, there was a summer when five german businessmen came to visit the village. They got lost in the woods, so wen went after them and ****ed them in the ass." "Oh ffs" the reporter said, "Fine, if you can't tell me a funny story, then tell a miserable story!"

"Well, there was this one time when I got lost in the woods..."

I LOLed

Quote from hyntty :

Far away in Lapland, the eldest person of a little Sami village turned 100 years old. So a reporter of a nationwide radio station came to interview him.
The reporter asked the old man if he had a funny story he would like to tell to people on air. The eldest used a minute to think, and started telling a story: "Well, I remember a summer when this young college girl came to visit the village. One day she got lost in the woods. So all the men in the village went after her, and when we found her we all ****ed her in the ass"

"But that's a terrible story" the reporter shouted. "Tell me some other funny story". "Well, there was a summer when five german businessmen came to visit the village. They got lost in the woods, so wen went after them and ****ed them in the ass." "Oh ffs" the reporter said, "Fine, if you can't tell me a funny story, then tell a miserable story!"

"Well, there was this one time when I got lost in the woods..."

i don´t think this is a very bad joke

Talking to a guy in the pub the other night about sex..told him I let my dog watch while I'm in bed with the missus.
He asks "why?"
I tell him that it helps to train the dog...

The dog watches me and learns how to sit up and beg, then watches the wife and learns how to roll over and play dead!

A man and his dog go to the cinema. This is a very special dog: he laughs at the funny bits and cries at the sad moments, and even boos the bad guys.

After the movie, a woman says to the man "wow, your dog is amazing!".

The man says...

"I know, he didn't like the book"

There's just two things that I absolutely cannot stand in the work place: gender discrimination, and women.

--------------

What do you get if you cross a motorway with a wheelbarrow?

Run over.

----------------------

All castles had one major weakness - The enemy used to get in through the gift shop.

What do you get if you cross FED-EX with UPS?

Fed up!

Quote from hyntty :

Far away in Lapland, the eldest person of a little Sami village turned 100 years old. So a reporter of a nationwide radio station came to interview him.
The reporter asked the old man if he had a funny story he would like to tell to people on air. The eldest used a minute to think, and started telling a story: "Well, I remember a summer when this young college girl came to visit the village. One day she got lost in the woods. So all the men in the village went after her, and when we found her we all ****ed her in the ass"

"But that's a terrible story" the reporter shouted. "Tell me some other funny story". "Well, there was a summer when five german businessmen came to visit the village. They got lost in the woods, so wen went after them and ****ed them in the ass." "Oh ffs" the reporter said, "Fine, if you can't tell me a funny story, then tell a miserable story!"

"Well, there was this one time when I got lost in the woods..."

Coped this joke to Scipy in msn, to which he replied....

scipy says:
hahahhaha
scipy says:
hahhaha
scipy says:
doooood
scipy says:
1 question
scipy says:
where are the woods
scipy says:

Quote from mookie427 :

What do you get if you cross a motorway with a wheelbarrow?

Run over.

haha

ok heres one i heard at a party last weekend

might be alittle 'over the edge', notice me if it is..

10 gay men stands in a row and one of them farts..which one?

the last one

Two buckets of sick are walking down the road, when one of them starts to get all teary-eyed. "What's wrong?" says the other one.

"I.. I was brought up down that road.."

A joke worthy of the thread title there

- I have a strange desease. It's called "small skin".
- Uhm, what are the symptoms?
- When I close my eyes, I fart.

Being british is about driving a german car to an irish pub for a belgian beer, then on the way home grabbing an indian curry, or a turkish Kebab, then sitting on a swedish sofa and watching american TV shows on a japanese tv. And most of all about being suspicious of anything foreign.

Only in britain can you get a pizza delivered to your home faster than an ambulance, only in british banks do they leave the doors open, but the pens chained to the counters, only british supermarkets make sick people walk to the back of the shop for prescriptions whilst healthy people get there cigarettes at the front of the shop.

We might be british, but by fcuk we're funny.

Quote from The General Lee :

Being british is about driving a german car to an irish pub for a belgian beer, then on the way home grabbing an indian curry, or a turkish Kebab, then sitting on a swedish sofa and watching american TV shows on a japanese tv. And most of all about being suspicious of anything foreign.

Only in britain can you get a pizza delivered to your home faster than an ambulance, only in british banks do they leave the doors open, but the pens chained to the counters, only british supermarkets make sick people walk to the back of the shop for prescriptions whilst healthy people get there cigarettes at the front of the shop.

We might be british, but by fcuk we're funny.

eDDIE iZZARD ?

Quote from The General Lee :

Being british is about driving a german car to an irish pub for a belgian beer, then on the way home grabbing an indian curry, or a turkish Kebab, then sitting on a swedish sofa and watching american TV shows on a japanese tv. And most of all about being suspicious of anything foreign.

Only in britain can you get a pizza delivered to your home faster than an ambulance, only in british banks do they leave the doors open, but the pens chained to the counters, only british supermarkets make sick people walk to the back of the shop for prescriptions whilst healthy people get there cigarettes at the front of the shop.

We might be british, but by fcuk we're funny.

haha good one

Quote from Mp3 Astra :

A man and his dog go to the cinema. This is a very special dog: he laughs at the funny bits and cries at the sad moments, and even boos the bad guys.

After the movie, a woman says to the man "wow, your dog is amazing!".

The man says...

"I know, he didn't like the book"

dude, you totally pWned this thread. thats in our engilsh school books lol and it isnt any funny

Quote from batteryy :

dude, you totally pWned this thread. thats in our engilsh school books lol and it isnt any funny

Pfft you have no sense of humour! That's a genius piece of dry humour.

Quote from Mp3 Astra :

That's a genius piece of dry humour.

No, it isn't!


The text goes: "Folk high school" and on the board " Draw a comic strip of your daily life"

Quote from Mp3 Astra :

Pfft you have no sense of humour! That's a genius piece of dry humour.

i do have good sense of humour, but most likely why i dont get that joke is i already rofled my ass off for it so it doesnt feal good anymore

The German actaully say "Alte Witze, gute Witze" (=old jokes, good jokes)... I presume it refers to the one joke they came up with back in 1384