I'm a fan of Columbo and at the moment I'm watching an episode where there's a murder at sea. This gave me an idea for the "Perfect Murder" (being a murder where you can't be caught, tried and imprisoned for committing it...you get away with it).

Say you want to kill someone you know will be going on a cruise through international waters. You arrange to have a ship meet you at a certain point along the cruise ship's course. You book a ticket on the same cruise as the person you want to kill. During the journey of the cruise ship you wait until you're in international waters then you kill the target (it doesn't matter exactly how you kill the target as this plan doesn't rely on the murderer being unidentifiable). Once the target is dead you leave the cruise ship, rendezvousing with the ship you have agreed to meet. You continue home.

Now, the premise of this idea is that the murder is committed in international waters where the legal jurisdiction falls only with the Captain of the ship. Once you've escaped to your home country you will be outwith the jurisdiction of the Captain, thus you'll be immune to prosecution.

Now...I don't imagine the above is actually possible but does anyone have any definitive proof as to flaws in this plan or any ideas about it?

I've got a better one.

Get your intended victim to regularly babysit your kids (or if you don't have kids, someone else's kids), make all their socks damp before they get up in the mornings, sabotage their car so they have to use public transport and so on. The victim will suffer from constant cold and flu infections, leading to stuff like pneumonia, probably requiring antibiotics. Eventually they'll build up a tolerance to the antibiotics and their next bout of flu will kill them.

It might take several decades but nobody would ever suspect a thing.

Claim that they have weapons of mass destruction...

Kill them by dashing them over the head with a frozen Turkey repeatedly, cook said Turkey and then when the Police come round to question you, offer them the Turkey.

The Police have all the evidence they need to prosecute you, except they've just eaten it.

(Obviously you have to make sure none of your DNA gets on the victim :razz

In before the police.

Let their pc get overc(l)ocked by Harjun or let them spend a day with Lerts

Kill someone at a deserted jetty with no CCTV or people around for miles. Head to your (private) boat, jump on (private) boat with body, go into the middle of the ocean, throw bits of body overboard in a lead suitcase so they sink. Chances are by the time they find them you are long gone/dead.

Anyway Amp, I hope you don't plan to do anything with these ideas we are giving you

Quote from Scrabby :

let them spend a day with Lerts

If by let you mean force. I don't think anyone would willingly want to be near Lerts, as annoying or funny as he may be.

Quote from amp88 :

INow, the premise of this idea is that the murder is committed in international waters where the legal jurisdiction falls only with the Captain of the ship. Once you've escaped to your home country you will be outwith the jurisdiction of the Captain, thus you'll be immune to prosecution.

Sentence: 40 years.
http://www.funtrivia.com/askft/Question52490.html

Better bookmark that page

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As for perfect crime I'd use nuclear bomb. Leaves no evidence at all (except a very small tiny crater). If I was at sea I'd escape with my secret norwegian submarine

EDIT: winnar:

Quote from Scrabby :

Let their pc get overc(l)ocked by Harjun

Quote from piggy501 :

Head to your (private) boat, jump on (private) boat with body, go into the middle of the ocean, throw bits of body overboard in a lead suitcase so they sink. Chances are by the time they find them you are long gone/dead.

Just make sure you keep that suspicious bastard Doakes off your trail.

Quote from Hyperactive :

Sentence: 40 years.
http://www.funtrivia.com/askft/Question52490.html

Better bookmark that page

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As for perfect crime I'd use nuclear bomb. Leaves no evidence at all (except a very small tiny crater). If I was at sea I'd escape with my secret norwegian submarine

EDIT: winnar:

Thanks.

It's under the juristiction of where the boat is registered (IIRC). British boat, British law. Swedish boat, Swedish law etc.

Quote from MonkOnHotTinRoof :

Isn't there a woman who killed 3? husbands with awesome cooking ? Was in news some time ago, can't find link .Now that is a perfect murder. No one can touch her and she always have enough men in queue .

1st Husband...died after eating poisonous mushrooms.
2nd Husband...died after eating poisonous mushrooms.
3rd Husband...fractured skull...he wouldn't eat the mushrooms!



Want to kill somebody without blame? Buy them a bike and let them ride around Oxford for a week!

Send them a voucher for a free McDonald's meal every week, until death ensues.

Quote from 5haz :

Kill them by dashing them over the head with a frozen Turkey repeatedly, cook said Turkey and then when the Police come round to question you, offer them the Turkey.

(c) Roald Dahl.

Quote from wsinda :

(c) Roald Dahl.

Pah, did you seriously believe that I have enough Imagination and Creativity to come up with own idea, hah!

I wonder if you are focussed and intense enough, you can kill someone will sheer will power alone.

Quote from 5haz :

I wonder if you are focussed and intense enough, you can kill someone will sheer will power alone.

I can't get on penny-arcade.com at work, but there was a *perfect* strip to illustrate that a while ago.

'I wish I could hate you to death'