I think he meant AN error. Without the "D".
Seen it before, but the response on why they still used it is great
Lol, another one too good to be in this thread
I know, but still...
It really does suite the bad jokes thread.
So, here we go. My 2nd contribution:
Why did the penguin fall out the tree?
Because it was dead.
Why did the second penguin fall out the tree?
It was stapled to the first one.
Why did the third penguin fall out the tree?
It thought it was a game.
Why did the tree fall over?
It thought it was a penguin.
Tah Dah!
Fail.
Actually no, he posted on-topic.
Most other people failed because their jokes were actually funny.
But bad jokes make me laugh, that one just failed in that sense.
It's a bit like, why did the piggy tell a joke? 'cause he wanted to make people laugh.
See it kinda fails.
It's a bit like, why did the piggy tell a joke? 'cause he wanted to make people laugh.
See it kinda fails.
What's an elephant up high?
An elephant in a tree
What are two elephants up high?
Two elephants in a tree
What are three elephants up high?
A f*cking strong tree!
An elephant in a tree
What are two elephants up high?
Two elephants in a tree
What are three elephants up high?
A f*cking strong tree!
How does an elephant get up the tree in the first place?
Sits on a acorn and waits for spring!
Sits on a acorn and waits for spring!
he points his slurf to the ground starts to blow and then they have "Lift Off!" and so they can float smoothly into the tree
Slurf = trunk
lol so stupid, yet so funny
Scouse Contraception
After having their 11th child, a Liverpool couple decided that was enough, as the social wouldn't buy them a bigger bed and they weren't strong enough to nick one.
The husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children.
The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that would fix the problem but it was expensive.
A less costly alternative was to go home, get a firework, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.
The Scouser said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest guy in the world, but I don't see how putting a firework in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."
"Trust me, it will do the job", said the doctor.
So the man went home, lit a banger and put it in a beer can. He held the
can up to his ear and began to count: "1, 2, 3, 4, 5," at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs so he could continue counting on his other hand...
The husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children.
The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that would fix the problem but it was expensive.
A less costly alternative was to go home, get a firework, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.
The Scouser said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest guy in the world, but I don't see how putting a firework in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."
"Trust me, it will do the job", said the doctor.
So the man went home, lit a banger and put it in a beer can. He held the
can up to his ear and began to count: "1, 2, 3, 4, 5," at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs so he could continue counting on his other hand...
Eddie wanted desperately to have sex with this really cute, really hot girl in his office... But she was dating someone else.
One day Eddie got so frustrated that he went to her and said, 'I'll give you $100 if you let me have sex with you...
The girl looked at him, and then said, 'NO!'
Eddie said, 'I'll be real fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down and I'll finish by the time you've picked it up.'
She thought for a moment and said that she would consult with her boyfriend...So she called him and explained the situation.
Her boyfriend says, 'Ask him for $200, and pick up the money really fast. He won't even be able to get his pants down.'
She agreed and accepts the proposal.
Over half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is still waiting for his girlfriend's call. Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks, 'What happened...?'
Still breathing hard, she managed to reply, 'The bastard had all dimes!'
One day Eddie got so frustrated that he went to her and said, 'I'll give you $100 if you let me have sex with you...
The girl looked at him, and then said, 'NO!'
Eddie said, 'I'll be real fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down and I'll finish by the time you've picked it up.'
She thought for a moment and said that she would consult with her boyfriend...So she called him and explained the situation.
Her boyfriend says, 'Ask him for $200, and pick up the money really fast. He won't even be able to get his pants down.'
She agreed and accepts the proposal.
Over half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is still waiting for his girlfriend's call. Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks, 'What happened...?'
Still breathing hard, she managed to reply, 'The bastard had all dimes!'
Xd!!!!! G1
th84 - I'm borrowing that one
Teacher was talking to the class about diseases, and asked them to come up with a sentence using the word contagious. Little Sarah went first, "You can actch a cold from other people, so that means it is contagious". "Well done" says the teacher, "who's next ?".
Little Jimmy raises his hand, and gets the nod "My neighbour got a load of manure delivered at the weekend, my dad said it would take that contagious to shift it".
B'dum-tish.
Teacher was talking to the class about diseases, and asked them to come up with a sentence using the word contagious. Little Sarah went first, "You can actch a cold from other people, so that means it is contagious". "Well done" says the teacher, "who's next ?".
Little Jimmy raises his hand, and gets the nod "My neighbour got a load of manure delivered at the weekend, my dad said it would take that contagious to shift it".
B'dum-tish.
Haha
Love it
here's one i will translate from greek:
out of your door i walk
and it stinks like fish
you throw a meatball to me
and i'm telling you
what should i do with the fridge
since i do not smoke.
(yes, it is supposed to sound absurd)
out of your door i walk
and it stinks like fish
you throw a meatball to me
and i'm telling you
what should i do with the fridge
since i do not smoke.
(yes, it is supposed to sound absurd)
WARNING>>>RACIST JOKE (well...sort of )
An Englshman, a Scotsman and an Irishman head off to Beijing to watch the Olympic Games. When they finally reach the "Blrd's Nest" the guard on the gate says "Sorry lads, sod off, we're full"
Off they go, and the Englishman sees a long tube laying on the ground, so he picks it up and goes back to the Stadium..The guard asks him where he thinks he is going...The Englisman holds up the tube and says: "England, Javelin team"..guard says, ok mate, in you go!
Scotsman sees all this and has an idea...he rips up a nearby telegraph pole and carris it under his arm to the gate..when he sees the guard he says "Scotland, Caber-tossing team".
He too gets in this way.
Not to be undone, the Irishman grabs a roll of barbed wire, shoves it on his shoulder and goes up to the gate...
\/
\/
\/
\/
"Ireland....fencing team!"
)An Englshman, a Scotsman and an Irishman head off to Beijing to watch the Olympic Games. When they finally reach the "Blrd's Nest" the guard on the gate says "Sorry lads, sod off, we're full"
Off they go, and the Englishman sees a long tube laying on the ground, so he picks it up and goes back to the Stadium..The guard asks him where he thinks he is going...The Englisman holds up the tube and says: "England, Javelin team"..guard says, ok mate, in you go!
Scotsman sees all this and has an idea...he rips up a nearby telegraph pole and carris it under his arm to the gate..when he sees the guard he says "Scotland, Caber-tossing team".
He too gets in this way.
Not to be undone, the Irishman grabs a roll of barbed wire, shoves it on his shoulder and goes up to the gate...
\/
\/
\/
\/
"Ireland....fencing team!"
Huh?
EDIT: Oh I see
haha That actually made me lough!
oldie
A woman scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive man standing alone.
She approached him and said………”My name is Carmen”.
“That's a beautiful name,” he replied; “Is it a family name?”
With a large grin, she answered “No, I gave it to myself. It reflects the things I like most -- cars and men.”
“What's your name?” she asked in return.
“ I’m B. J. Titsengolf; at your service.”
She approached him and said………”My name is Carmen”.
“That's a beautiful name,” he replied; “Is it a family name?”
With a large grin, she answered “No, I gave it to myself. It reflects the things I like most -- cars and men.”
“What's your name?” she asked in return.
“ I’m B. J. Titsengolf; at your service.”
The bad jokes thread
(1536 posts, started )
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