what's got 99 balls and makes old women sweat?


>>> BINGO!! <<<<

They opened a Wetherspoons on the moon, but punters complained it had no atmosphere...

What's long, brown and runs round the garden?

a fence

what's black and white and eats like a horse?

A ZEBRA!! <<<<<

How do you keep a horse in suspense? (not sure if it's the right word...)

Well, I'll tell you guys tomorrow...

ask me if i'm an apple.

Dadge, are you an apple?

Quote from Crashgate3 :

Dadge, are you an apple?

No.



what do you get hanging from an apple tree??

sore arms!!! <<<<<

What's fast, has awesome sound and its named after an animal?


Cheetah

Living in Bradford i put all my money in a piggy bank, Keeps them muslim C**ts off of it.

Stolen from Sickipedia please dont kill me

There's alot of 'em aswell Jack, muslim out populate in Bradford like 10 to 1.

what's the difference between light and hard?

you can sleep with the light on!! <<<<<

Seen in the comments of a YouTube video:

Who's the coolest person in a hospital?

The ultra-sound guy.

Who's the coolest person in a hospital when he can't make it to work?

The hip replacement guy.

The Hellen Keller Simulator: http://www.helenkellersim.com/

Quote from Captain Slow :

enlighten me

What do you get when a LFS user has the word "Slow" in their name?

A slow learner

Two monkeys were having a bath. One says 'ooo-oo-OO-AAH-AAAH!', to which the other replies 'well run some cold in it then.'

Quote from Silverracer :

The Hellen Keller Simulator: http://www.helenkellersim.com/

anyone here know braille? this is in the sites html

From the movie Kontroll:

A guy walks into a bar and asks the barman for 10 shots of vodka. The barman asks if the guy is sure he wants 10 and the guy says he's sure. So, the barman puts 10 glasses on the bar and pours a shot into each of them. The guy picks up the first one and pours it all over the floor. Then he picks up the last one and pours it all over the floor. He then downs the rest of them, slamming each glass down on the bar as he goes. After he's finished the barman asks him what the hell he was doing wasting 2 shots. The guy replies "Well, the first one always tastes horrible and the last one always makes me sick!".

It's a quiet night in 'The Docker's Fists' pub in Liverpool. The only client is a huge 6ft scouser who's been drinking all day. Suddenly a little weedy man in a raincoat comes in and sits at the bar. He sidles up to the huge scouser and whispers 'would you like a blow-job?' into his ear.
The huge scouser instantly explodes with incredulous rage. He punches the little man full in the face, knocking him against the wall, then repeatedly smashes his teeth into the bar-taps before picking up the now unconcious man and hurling him out into the street.
He then takes his seat and resumes drinking.
'That was a bit harsh', says the barman, 'what did he say to you?'
'Dunno,' replies the scouser, 'something about a job.'

Quote from ACCAkut :

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anyone here know braille? this is in the sites html

"this is not the source code you are looking for"

you all may very well hate paedophiles, but at least they drive slowly past schools.

Quote from dadge :

you all may very well hate paedophiles, but at least they drive slowly past schools.

brilliant

I don't think they do (drive past).

Statistics suggest that the majority of participants enjoy gang rape.