Nothing yet here in York, but it's still cold as a witch's tit. Brr!
50 DEGREES
Southerners turn on the heating.
People in Newcastle plant their gardens.
40 DEGREES
Southerners shiver uncontrollably.
People in Newcastle sunbathe.
35 DEGREES
Southern cars will not start.
People in Newcastle drive with the windows down.
20 DEGREES
Southerners wear coats, gloves and wool hats.
People in Newcastle throw on a T-shirt (girls start wearing mini skirts.)
15 DEGREES
Southerners begin to evacuate.
People in Newcastle go swimming in the North Sea.
ZERO DEGREES
Southern landlords turn up the heat.
People in Newcastle have the last barbecue before it gets cold.
MINUS 10 DEGREES
Southerners cease to exist.
People in Newcastle throw on a lightweight jacket.
MINUS 80 DEGREES
Polar bears wonder if it's worth it.
Boy scouts in Newcastle start wearing long trousers.
MINUS 100 DEGREES
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
People in Newcastle put on their long johns.
MINUS 173 DEGREES
Alcohol freezes.
People in Newcastle become frustrated because the pubs are shut.
MINUS 297 DEGREES
Microbial life starts to disappear.
The cows on Newcastle Town Moor complain about vets with cold hands.
MINUS 460 DEGREES
All atomic motion stops.
People in Newcastle start to stamp their feet and blow on their hands.
MINUS 500 DEGREES
Hell freezes over.
Sunderland qualify for Europe.