Over to the topic: The commentary wasnt bad at all, keep practising, and next time, you can use an online public race I think that may be better (like the NDR server these days)
Get on board with some other commentators, or just do your own broadcast of a league race. Sadly enough your hard work is being wasted on racing footage that no-one finds appealing. Your commentary is good, but no-one wants to watch AI or unskilled drivers running around a track, sorry.
I really appreciate the fact that your trying. Just go ahead and take this to the next level. When you do, you will get the opinions and reviews you've been looking for.