LFS Forum - Fmylife

#1 - Mackie The Staggie

Fmylife

Sun, 22 Feb 2009 00:17

http://www.fmylife.com/

Couple of classic stories here.

Quote :Today, my girlfriend and I were up late watching tv when an infomercial for "male enhancement" came on. I grabbed for my phone to make a call when my girlfriend said "O honey, dont buy that, it's okay that you're small." I was checking my voicemails. FML

Quote :Today, they were handing out free razors in the mall. I went up to get my free sample, but the woman just smiled and said, "Sorry honey, they're sharp, and not for children." I'm 25. FML

Quote :Today, I was at the airport, about to listen to Disney's Camp Rock soundtrack on my iPhone. I pressed play, only to realize that my headphones weren't plugged in all the way. Everone sitting near me heard Joe Jonas's voice...coming from my phone. I am 40 years old. FML

Quote :Today, I lost 200 dollars while playing poker with my new sunglasses. Turns out you can see the cards in the reflection. FML

#2 - S14 DRIFT

Sun, 22 Feb 2009 00:20

@ those.

Quote :Today, a girl I really liked mentioned she's home alone and that she was really really lonely. She offered for me to come over and watch a few movies with her, and as I got prepared to leave she sent me a text saying " can you pick up my friend Spencer? " FML

Quote :Today, I jokingly told my Mom that I was having sex with my Professor. Her response was, "As long as you're getting A's honey!" ... FML

Quote :Today, I went to get my blood drawn for the first time. After I explained to the nurse how nervous I was, she replied, "Oh honey, don't worry! This is my first time drawing blood!". FML.

Quote :Today, I was having sex with a girl I really like for the first time. After a while I told her I was about to come. Her response: "Lucky you." FML

Loads more..

#3 - Töki (HUN)

Sun, 22 Feb 2009 00:23

Pretty embarrassing stories there. Nice find!

#4 - Chrisuu01

Sun, 22 Feb 2009 00:35

Quote : Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I cried and told him that I loved him. He gave me a quarter and told me to call someone who cared. I threw the quarter in his face and ran. I waited for the bus, but when I got on, I realized I was 25cents short of the fare. I walked home in the rain. FML

Aw this ones kinda sad

#5 - Velociround

Sun, 22 Feb 2009 02:20

Quote :Today, My girlfriend came from behind me and put her hand in my back pockets. I though it was someone trying to take my wallet, I elbowed her in the nose and broke it. FML

:jawdrop:

Quote :Today, I came to school late because I had to drop off my daughter at school. When I got on campus, the security told me I was late but I said, "Oh no, I work here." and he said, "Oh like I haven't heard that one before." And he took me to detention. My boss, the Principal, had to bail me out. FML

Quote :Today, I was stuck in what I thought was traffic on my way home from work. I started weaving in and out of traffic because it seemed to only be a few cars holding up the line. I get to the front of the line and I'd realized I just weaved through a funeral procession. FML

Quote :Today, My mom walked in on me and my 2 year crush about to have sex. When she saw us she said "oh I'll just wait outside, I know it wont be long anyway." FML

Quote :Today, I called my girlfriend and she answered telling me how amazing the sex was last night and she can't wait to see me later. I didn't see her last night. FML

Quote :Today, I introduced myself to the Pakistani group I joined at my school by saying my name was Jahan. They all laughed. Apparently my name is slang for FAT*SS. Thanks Mom. FML

I kind of like this website, it's fun in some way, although there are some sad things in it.

#6 - zeugnimod

Sun, 22 Feb 2009 10:06

Hilarious, favourited.

#7 - BlakjeKaas

Sun, 22 Feb 2009 10:37

I found that one a couple of weeks ago.

#8 - ACCAkut

Sun, 22 Feb 2009 10:38

Quote :Today, I got stoned at a party for the first time. On the drive home I sat at an intersection waiting for the green light for few minutes. I finally realized the green light was never coming. So did the cop behind me. I was at a stop sign. FML

Quote :Today, I received my passport in the mail. They got my birthdate wrong. Then I picked up my birth certificate that I had sent in with the application. Turns out my parents have been celebrating my birthday on the wrong day for 16 years. FML

Quote :Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FML

My sister devours these books too, like all of her friends...

Quote :Today, is my brothers 16th birthday. He got keys to a new Lexus. I'm 18, have no car, and got pajama pants and chapstick for my birthday. FML

Quote :Today, I was eating at a restaurant with my boyfriend, he is 6'2 and i am 4'11. Out of nowhere, the hostess started openly flirting with him, and asked him if he needed a booster chair for his daughter. FML

omg just found that on:

Quote :Today, I woke up to the sound of scissors. My mom was cutting my hair while I was asleep. FML

#9 - DevilDare

Sun, 22 Feb 2009 12:52

Quote :Today, I was happy because my exact shirt and sweater were in seventeen magazine. They were in the "what not to wear" category. FML

I was laughing so hard at this

#10 - Bladerunner

Mon, 23 Feb 2009 08:49

This one, unfortunately is TRUE, and happened to ME this weekend. (It hasn't even been posted on the site yet)

Quote :On Saturday my wife received a bundle of gift vouchers as a competition prize; they were for Woolworths, Zaavi... FML!!!!!

#11 - S14 DRIFT

Mon, 23 Feb 2009 18:19

Quote from Bladerunner :This one, unfortunately is TRUE, and happened to ME this weekend. (It hasn't even been posted on the site yet)

HAHAHAH

Sell them on Ebay, you'd be suprised what idiot would buy them.

#12 - theirishnoob

Mon, 23 Feb 2009 23:13

Quote :Today, I went to the Doctors and the nurse asked if I was married, in which I responded "yes". Then she asked if I was sexually active... "no". FML

lmao.

#13 - mookie427

Mon, 23 Feb 2009 23:38

Quote :
today, i went to the store to buy some condoms for my girlfriend, kim and i. I was in a rush and when i looked at the cashier realized it was her father. Nervous and hoping to reassure him, i go "don't worry, i'm not using these with kim." that didn't help. Fml

Quote :Today, my mom walked in on me looking at a 1978 playboy. She asked if I found it in the basement. I said yes. Then I realized she was the centerfold. FML

LOL

#14 - blackbird04217

Mon, 23 Feb 2009 23:54

Wow... that was a good one:

Quote :Today, my mom walked in on me looking at a 1978 playboy. She asked if I found it in the basement. I said yes. Then I realized she was the centerfold. FML

OUCH ; / Poor kid.

#15 - niall09

Tue, 24 Feb 2009 00:04

Quote :Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her exiting her room....my electric tothbrush in her hand. FML

#16 - Scatter

Tue, 24 Feb 2009 04:30

^^ Maybe that's why the toothpaste tasted funny.

Quote :Today I just got my car fixed from an accident and I drove to a party in a bad thunderstorm. when the power went out everyone decided to watch the Storm from the front windows. Someone mentioned how it would be funny if the tree fell on my car with everyone watching. 20 seconds later it did. FML

#17 - S14 DRIFT

Tue, 24 Feb 2009 07:55

Oh god Scatter, that's put horrid thoughts into my mind for the whole day! Thanks.

#18 - 1993weeman

Tue, 24 Feb 2009 20:25

what a great website, some great stories in there

Quote :Today, I drove into my school. Literally drove into my school. FML

i mean how can you do that

#19 - Xaid0n

Tue, 24 Feb 2009 20:32

Quote :Today, I was on an Easyjet flight, next to two attractive girls, listening to a track which starts with a woman pleasuring herself. I don't like this track so i go to skip it but accidently unplug my headphones, activating my phone speakers and revealing the said woman at the peak of her orgasm. FML

Quote :Today, I rolled over a curb & bent one of the signs that read "Please Park Here After Your Road Test," at the DMV, because my foot slipped off the brake just before I put the car in park, which would've ended my Test. The first words out of the examiner's mouth were, "Well you would've passed." FML

lol

#20 - S14 DRIFT

Tue, 24 Feb 2009 20:49

Quote :today, i went to the hair salon to cut 6 in. Off my hair. When i got there i decided to get my upper lip waxed for the first time. When my boyfriend came to pick me up for our date i asked if he noticed anything different about me, the first thing he said was "i see you got rid of you mustache." fml

lol!

Quote :Today, I'm playing basketball with my little brother. After jokingly blocking his shot, he turns to me and says "You're a bitch." He's 6. After asking where he heard that word, he responded with "Daddy calls you that when you're not around." FML