Quote :

Today, in front of the entire family, I yelled at my mom and told her she wasn't a good parent. She responded with "Well, at least I had friends when I was your age." FML

Quote :

Today, my girlfriend and I had sex for the first time. When I was on top of her, she asked me if it was in yet. I said yes. She sighed. FML

its not that funny but you can't help laughing

Quote :

today, during a text conversation with a girl i've been trying to get with, she complained about how crummy of a day she was having. I told her it couldn't be as bad as she thought, and she would probably get it over it soon. Then she told me she had found out her cousin had been murdered. Fml

LOL

Quote :

Today, I handed my PhD dissertation, which I have spent the past year researching and writing full-time. Last night, my roommate set an autocorrect on Word that changed "neither" to "n****r." I didn't notice until after I handed it in. My professor is black. FML

Not on the site but this actually happened to me:

"Today a girl sent me a message asking me if my roommate was awake. He was sleeping so kidding around I told her that he was dead. Turns out she was trying to get a hold of him to see if she could get a ride home because her friend was killed in a car accident. FML"

Submit it, NOW

Quote :

Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home and I was calling bingo numbers. And one woman stood up and started making noises, I asusmed she had won and I started clapping. She then fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I essentially applauded her death. FML

Already done.

Quote from mookie427 :

its not that funny but you can't help laughing

**Today, I handed my PhD dissertation, which I have spent the past year researching and writing full-time. Last night, my roommate set an autocorrect on Word that changed "neither" to "n****r." I didn't notice until after I handed it in. My professor is black. FML**


LOL

The girl in the office next to me started laughing hysterically one day. I had forgotten about it after a few months, but I caught the guy in the office on the other side messing with her computer one day. He set the autocorrect in her email to correct her name to Butthead every time she typed it. It took her 4 or 5 months before actually using her name rather than just her initials in an email.

Quote :

Today, I stayed home, sick in bed. I had been sleeping on my arms. I got up quickly to grab the phone. My numb left arm rocketed and punched me in the (now cut) lip, which threw me off balance, making me smash my (now bloody) nose off of the headboard. It was a telemarketer. FML

lol owned!!!!!! did something similar myself once

edit: another one i like

Quote :

Today, I took my dog for a walk down by the river. I was throwing sticks for him with one hand and talking on the phone with the other. Then I accidentally threw my phone in the river instead of the stick and was standing there talking to the stick while my phone sat at the bottom of the river. FML

Quote :

Today, I farted in my cubicle thinking no one would smell it. Two seconds later, everyone came to my cubicle to wish me a happy birthday. FML

Haha, that has happened to me to many times.

didnt f*ck up my life, but screwed my day... ''i was hawing a sh*t. i was about to flush but my phone rings, i take it from my pocket but my hands are bit slippery cos i washed my hands and the phone flyes to a shitty toilet...and i have to get it outta there without flushing...''
and one i found from the site ^^
''Today, I was drunk and horny. So I texted "I want to **** your pussy" to my girlfriend. I later realized that I had accidentally substituted the s for the p, and actually said "I want to **** your puppy." FML

Quote from batteryy :

"I want to **** your puppy." FML

LOL!!!

Quote from batteryy :

didnt f*ck up my life, but screwed my day... ''i was hawing a sh*t. i was about to flush but my phone rings, i take it from my pocket but my hands are bit slippery cos i washed my hands and the phone flyes to a shitty toilet...and i have to get it outta there without flushing...''

People usually flush the toilet before washing their hands xD

Today I posted another true FML onto the site, only to have it being denied, just like 2 other ones that actually happened, while people post 5 FMLs per day with the highest amount of BS possible, which are all accepted. FML.

Quote from (SaM) :

Today I posted another true FML onto the site, only to have it being denied, just like 2 other ones that actually happened, while people post 5 FMLs per day with the highest amount of BS possible, which are all accepted. FML.

Today I was literally about to post almost exactly the same thing, but you beat me to it. FML

Tis actually true too.

I'll just share it with my beloved LFS community instead:

'Today, I logged in to Facebook and noticed my girlfriend changed her relationship status to "Single". 2 hours later, it changed into "In a relationship". That person wasn't me. FML'

After I submitted it though, her status was updated again and it showed who it was. She listed her relationship with her sister. It was a joke. I laughed, but imagine how I felt when I didn't know the entire story... :P

i had some friends who had been together, but not married for about 7 years, changed their facebook profiles to say they had split. Their families panicked, but as they said to them, "You really think we'd break up and not tell you?"

lol it was funny :P now they're married, not a FML moment, but it made me laugh when they told me, i don't pay any attention to arsebook etc

I actually remember a FML moment I had myself, we sat in our mensa watching a film on some guys laptop, then when he minimized it to open something on the desktop, I saw his wallpaper pic and ask "Who is that strange guy?" Well it was his girlfriend...

Quote from (SaM) :

'Today, I logged in to Facebook and noticed my girlfriend changed her relationship status to "Single". 2 hours later, it changed into "In a relationship". That person wasn't me. FML'

That should settle it. My best friend Rick is always up for some revenge.

Quote from (SaM) :

That should settle it. My best friend Rick is always up for some revenge.

lol

Quote from (SaM) :

That should settle it. My best friend Rick is always up for some revenge.

Yeah, but now you're in a relationship with another man. F your life.

I can see it now...

"Today, my girlfriend broke up with me on her Facebook status as a joke. To get her back, I put that I was in a relationship with a male friend of mine. My cousin saw this and called my mother to ask her about it. Now my parents are convinced I'm gay. I am a straight male, who has a girlfriend. FML"

And that is exactly why I don't do facebook!

Today I was driving around with some friends and we had the windows open. Outside the school we stopped to let a good looking woman over the street. I screamed "MILF" for fun. It turned out to be my teacher with a new haircut =(

Quote from t.j. :

today i was driving around with some friends and we had the windows open. Outside the school we stopped to let a good looking woman over the street. I screamed "milf" for fun. It turned out to be my teacher with a new haircut =(

fyl

Quote :

Today, I was sitting in class and I fell asleep during the lesson. I was wearing sweatpants and had an erection. My teacher came up to me and grabbed my penis. She thought it was my phone. FML

.

awesome! hilarious. thanks for the website you posted. HAHAHAHAHA

Quote from Riders Motion :

.