Dear Mrs 4Hummer,
Your son, Wheel, has been a member of our online racing community for almost a year and in that time I think it is only fair to say that he has grown a little bit taller. He has iterated to our well-dressed and impeccably-behaved community on more than one occasion that he does not have parental consent to purchase a Live For Speed S2 Alpha Online Racing License via the popular Paypal system. In casual passing one may get the feeling that he perhaps feels less fullfilled than he otherwise might if circumstances were more in his favour in regards to becoming a fully fledged member of our community, many of whom are very attractive physically which is always nice to know as I'm sure you will agree.
While there is always a risk that young Wheel's grades will suffer from the time he spends tearing around virtual racetracks online, he will meet a diverse range of people from across the globe, many of whom have jobs or at least know somebody who actually does.
Some kids play games of death and hatred, some kids lie under bridges with a needle in their arm and even worse, some kids play arcade racing games or ones with a small letter at the front of their name! Oh the injustice! If only young - insert name here - could be released from the shackles of mediocrity and be given the freedom to express his rapidly evolving soul at blistering speeds and against all odds in the ultimate challenge of man and virtual machine all in the relative safety and comfort of his own home.....the parents that could do that for their beloved offspring would be honoured for eternity in the hallowed halls of virtual boyracerdom.
However, there is a profitable angle here whereby you as a parent exploit said offspring by demanding the completion of several dozen mundane chores over an indefinite period of time or until such a time as the offspring's interest has waned, whereby you claim ultimate victory and get to extract even more rediculous demands from your hapless child's hide for many glorious years to come! I went roller skating for years, and in exchange my parents got a fully landscaped yard and endless refills of very bad coffee! I still walk with a limp to this day, Mother is a bit odd and we haven't seen Dad since St Patricks's day, but in fairness I think all parties are happy with the outcome!
So please Mrs 4Hummer, for the peace and tranquility of the award-winning Live For Speed Community please find a way to help a young racer realise his dream.........
*fades to future scene*
"Wheel! No Live For Speed until you've finished your chores!.....and massaged my feet, washed the dishes, fed the dog, awww the baby's thrown up again... get that won't you Wheel....?"
Love from Gunn
p.s. The holiday's going great! The underwater mountainbiking was particularly unique but ended rather quickly. Hi to Bob and Meredith, hope to see you all again soon at the big pie and beer festival!
