If you live at home you'll miss out on nearly everything uni offers. I didn't really like anybody in my flat in halls, which maybe kicked me into socialising more with people in other flats, you will make good friends if you stick to it. Forget about trying to maintain old friends, the true friendships you have will stick with you for life even if you only meet up at Christmas, the more general social crowd you know will soon disperse, people will move on and whilst it'll be fun to reminisce when you bump into such characters there's no point in clinging on.

As others have said uni gives you the perfect opportunity to move out of home and become independent, with everyone in the same boat it makes things much easier. If you just come in for lectures your unlikely to be able to see anybody for long enough to make true friends. Stick to it and join some societies, you're bound to find one full of like minded people who link you into a much wider network of friends. Whatever you do don't just sit in your room worrying about everything, you will soon get more confident and the more you try the more confident you'll get. Take all the opportunities that come your way without thinking too hard about them, you'll never get them again.

It's also worth noting that if you really want to move rooms or halls your university will go out of their way to try and help you.

Quote from Becky Rose :

It sounds to me like a classic case of home sickness. If so it'll pass when you find a good friend or two - and that's just a matter of self confidence.

I was just thinking that.

Jak, you are out of your comfort zone, it will feel odd and weird for a while, but things will get better.

Oof. It depresses me to read this thread.

I'm into my 4th week at uni. And I live at home.

The thing is, that living at halls or campus is not an option, cause my school is basically in the centre of the city (of a 400k people capital). And I live 15 minutes bus journey away from it.

So I'm pretty much stuck now.
I get 2000€ student loan per year (max), tuition is 2300€ per year, so thats 300€ excess per year.

I can't afford to get an apartment, first, i don't have a job, so i don't have a (steady) income. Renting a 2-room apartment, relatively near to the city centre is ca 200-300€ per month + ca 100€ maintenance cost.

I currently live at home, paying 0€ per month to mah parents, but the home is relatively small, so that's really restricting me.

And I have no real reason to get myself a means of motorized transportation, for the sole reason i live in such a convenient place.

So I'm stuck. Halp.

One thing I'd like to add is that during your first year you shouldn't expect to be living with or close to people that you'd want to socialise with. I was the dictionary definition of "loner" and still found great people to share accommodation for the remaining years, via my units alone. If you do some activity on top of that it might be a drag at first, but if it got easier for me, I'm confident it will for anyone else too.

Quote from Fuse5 :

So I'm stuck. Halp.

Things will change when you work, which is pretty soon I suppose, don't worry about it.

Quote from SamH :

Jak, Ali is saying that staying at home will affect your student loan entitlement massively. Your calculations are faulty, being based on in-halls entitlement while weighing up at-home options.

If you don't take the halls option your entitlement will hang in the air rather like a brick doesn't. You need to talk to the Student Loans Co. tomorrow and find out what your entitlement would be if you were based from home.

They are set to pay me £1176.12 this Monday, but i've been holding it up before I knew what I was going to do.

They said if i came home the maintenance loan goes from £3.5k to £2.4k, however it's too late for them to change the next payment so I would get still get £1176.12 this time then the next two payments would be about £550.

For reference, tuition for the next 4 years will cost £10,960 (likely to cost about £1k extra though as "topup fees" go up), and the maintenance loan will be about £12.9k (assuming i go home and come back next year). Aka I will leave with £24k of debt...


I'm still undecided - yes I'm homesick, and I know i'll be happier in a few weeks time - but will it be enough? I dont know and this is the problem.

I cant change accomodation until October, and even then i'm not gauranteed anything cheaper.

^ Reading that makes me appreciate the student benefits we have.

I wouldn't be studying if 4 years would set me 24k in debt. Student loan is cheap money, but I'm going to avoid it like plague long as possible.

I'm not worried by my student debt, it's just a small deduction from my salary each month. I don't even consider it debt.

I just finished 4 years at UEA. Which accomodation are you staying in?! I'm pretty sure I only paid ~£60/w for en suite in the University Village in 2005.

Anyway, you should definitely make an effort to get to know the people in your house and spend plenty of time with them. In my experience, the friends you meet at uni are closer than any others as you spend such a great deal of time with them. And don't worry if they're a bit different to you - I think you'll get molded more as a person in your time at uni than you have in the previous 18 years of your life!

Edit: And what are you studying? Computing Science?

Quote from Bob Smith :

I'm not worried by my student debt, it's just a small deduction from my salary each month. I don't even consider it debt.

I just look at it as an investment in my future. Sure I was in debt when I got out of college but in the long run it is well worth it to have an education and get a good job.

Quote from joshdifabio :

Edit: And what are you studying? Computing Science?

I hope not, it's probably the most boring and unimaginative computing course on offer, from an employers perspective.

Quote from joshdifabio :

I just finished 4 years at UEA. Which accomodation are you staying in?! I'm pretty sure I only paid ~£60/w for en suite in the University Village in 2005.

Anyway, you should definitely make an effort to get to know the people in your house and spend plenty of time with them. In my experience, the friends you meet at uni are closer than any others as you spend such a great deal of time with them. And don't worry if they're a bit different to you - I think you'll get molded more as a person in your time at uni than you have in the previous 18 years of your life!

Edit: And what are you studying? Computing Science?

I'm in Paston House, which is right on Campus with a (brokenish) en suite which explains the cost.

I'm doing "Applied Computer Science With A Foundation Year" however once i've done the foundation year (and passed that is) I will move into Computer Systems Engineering. I have to do a foundation year as I epic failed my A2's.

Despite all the posts to the contrary I think i've decided to go home - I will try to lead a social life between lectures etc I just wont be able to go down to the pub so much.

These last 3 days have been hell, mainly because i've had to deal with many ugly heads this soul-searching has reared.

I'm hoping by next year I will be able to move out again to somewhere cheaper once I know if I will or wont get any friends up here full stop.

Once I get my timetable (tomorrow) I will talk to my parents to see who can pick me up and get ready to move out.

I know I will regret it, but I think i'm doing the right thing.

I dont need to sleep here to meet new people.

I did some more travel research and living at home will come to £1337.60 + whatever I give my parents for food / rent. As this is lower than my student loan it means if I need to I can also leave my shit-beyond-belief job which is also dragging me down when I just finally admit I cant take the shit anymore, whereas if I stayed i'd need to keep a job to afford to eat.

Quote from Jakg :

I have to do a foundation year as I epic failed my A2's.

See, too much forum whoring is bad for you.

(Just posting that as I don't have anything useful to add, good luck with your decision and I hope you don't miss out on life as much as everyone else I know who stayed at home has)

I know your joking but still...

I did good in Geography - but I picked an awful coursework title which I hated to bits and got a D in it. I did great in the exams but the coursework dragged it down.

I did well in Applied Science - or so I was told. My coursework (which made up 2/3'rds of the mark) was originally graded at an A for the first piece and a B (1 mark of an A) for the second piece - I was told not to bother improving it so didn't. This was then moderated down to a C which ****ed me over big-time. I resubmitted it (without changing any of it) the next year and got a B so I have no idea at all what was going on.

Maths I just wasn't very good at :P

You sound as if you are in a down phase, most peoples mood cycles up and down over a period of time with a predominance for unhapinnes in winter and hapinnes in summer. Believe it or not, the most simple cure is to get outside. Vitamin B is good for you.

Whenever making big life altering decisions there is a lot to be said for taking a few days out just walking, relaxing, and taking in the scenery.

By the sounds of it, you could use that an aweful lot more than the social life back home this weekend.

What happens here is that your 'parental home' life slowly fades as more and more old friends move out to Unis all over the country, or move for work, relationships etc.

Often, your old home is a sinking social ship. The only exceptions I've seen are people who are born and will probably die in the same town; which is all fine if you choose so, but one could argue that a more interesting life can be had by broadening ones horizons. Uni in a different town is an excellent way to grow up and learn to deal with the ups and downs of 'adult' (yeah right!) life

There is no real campus going on here, most students live in houses or flats, and when you go online to find a room, you'll be invited over and if it 'clicks' with the housemates, you've got the room.

Quote :

Often, your old home is a sinking social ship. The only exceptions I've seen are people who are born and will probably die in the same town

I couldnt imagine going back to the town I grew up in (not the one I was born in, I always did move around a lot, but I had several homes in one particular town during my formative years). I knew everyone once - seriously xmas shopping was a pain because i'd stop and talk to every 3rd person on the high street, I drove through a couple of years ago and I still know every inch of the place, but my soul has moved on and it was like revisiting everything i've put behind me.

How anyone could live in the same town all their life I do not know, it'd be like keeping every piece of baggage you've ever collected and refusing to let go of it.

I'm a sentimental romantic when it comes down to it, but some things are best put to rest - and the way i've always done that is simply to move on.

Quote from Becky Rose :

How anyone could live in the same town all their life I do not know, it'd be like keeping every piece of baggage you've ever collected and refusing to let go of it.

I used to think like that, but as I grow older, I realise that the Highlands is where I belong, and I can't see myself leaving the area unless it is 100% needed. Highland lads all seems to be the same. I have old school friends leave for the riches of Glasgow, Edinburgh and further and have returned, others are in the planning of coming back and others have stayed and created a life down there. Some have not even moved from the street they grew up in and are happy with the life they lead. Maybe is a locational thing and we have a deep sense of belonging in the area we grew up, maybe we have a deep sense of mistrust and loathing for anything or anyone below Aberdeen and the bitter grudges still run through our blood at the betrayal of our so called Scots to the South...Culloden will never be forgotten btw.

I personally could never have lived in student University halls, in general I hate being around a large group of people, especially a large group of unknown strangers who I have no idea of a common interest. My mind gets over-active in those situations and I view everyone as a potential Nazi sympathiser of worse....a Calley fan, and I clam up and would much prefer to lock myself away from the world and be alone.

Quote from Mackie The Staggie :

Highland lads all seems to be the same.

I'm a Country Girl, so yes I preffer living in the sticks but i've done city living before and i'll probably do it again - actually, i've been hankering for a better music scene lately, and i've toyed with the idea of Brighton for the last year too.

So yes whilst i'm a country girl at heart I don't mind the ocassional flit of a year or two next to the bright lights, especially as i've been doing ok with crowds of people in the last year.

At the end i'll go to the country to retire, but until then i'm a free spirit and i'll go wherever my whims take me - which admittedly is usually somewhere rural, but there's no harm in going places for a while.

Home is where I my handcuff compatible headrest is.

Quote from Becky Rose :

actually, i've been hankering for a better music scene lately

Come to Manchester - awesome music scene

Quote from Crashgate3 :

Come to Manchester - awesome music scene

I've never been drawn there, i've never even visited the city actually, I get as far as Birmingham and I just turn around and head home again...

I was thinking London or Brighton. I looked into Brighton earlier this year but the housing is really expensive, and I seem to end up in London every couple of months - i'm going there twice in the next month for concerts (booked them before being made redundant), and I have something of a social life there too.

I did live in London once before when I was about 17, but I was a very different person then and only really managed to start socialising after already making the decision to come home. I met a lovely South African guy and played Dungeons & Dragons... *reminisces*

I ended up at one of my haunts in Islington a little while ago actually, I was on a bender at Finsbury Park and on the way home I walked the wrong way to the train station and suddely I was like "Oh I know where I am", the joys of a scatty personality and being drunk is an alarming lack of navigational skills, and I guess that got me thinking of bright lights again.

I couldn't go back to a piss-ant little village where everyone knows everyone else and there's nothing to do. Spent the first 21 years of my life there and hated the last 6 or 7. My skin crawls at the very thought of being forced to return 8 years later.

Visiting is fine. Even growing up there was good. Safe as houses. Being an adult there? No idea how my parents do it.

Quote :

I couldn't go back to a piss-ant little village where everyone knows everyone else

I think the everyone knows everyone else thing is something that happens wherever you grow up, for me that happened in a town. Living in a village however I know one other couple in this place, I speak to the staff at the local shop and that's about it, but that's what I like.

I enjoy the scenery when i'm out walking, which I do quite a lot, and even now i'm taken by how pretty my village is because it's like walking through the streets of a fairy tale - literally there is one cottage in particular that is straight out of Hansel and Grettal, and almost all the buildings are character buildings of some description and I seriously wonder if I grow my hair any longer and living in this place whether i'll be mistaken for Repunsel.

See I don't favour crowds, actually I suffered a touch from agoraphobia in recent years although i've coped with it very well for a while now. It's not so much that I didn't like leaving an area, but I just didn't trust people. Less people meens less fear, because when violence can come at any moment from any stranger on the street and when your background says that it really can and will do so at regular intervals - it gives you a certain perspective that maybe isn't reflective of the reality of how violent society is. I've been quite unlucky in this regard, and villages have felt safer to me whilst i've come to terms with that.

I really don't think the everyone knows everyone thing is true, there are less people - but if you didn't grow up in an area and move there later then the only difference between a village and a city is that there are less strangers in a village.

Quote from Becky Rose :

I've never been drawn there, i've never even visited the city actually, I get as far as Birmingham and I just turn around and head home again...

Yes, well, it does get cold that close to the north pole..

Quote from Dajmin :

I couldn't go back to a piss-ant little village where everyone knows everyone else and there's nothing to do. Spent the first 21 years of my life there and hated the last 6 or 7. My skin crawls at the very thought of being forced to return 8 years later.

Visiting is fine. Even growing up there was good. Safe as houses. Being an adult there? No idea how my parents do it.

This. I grew up in a little village in Lincolnshire, where I stayed until I went off to uni. It's a *fantastic* place to be 10 years old. Not so much fun to be 16 years old.

When I first went to uni I found a shared house with a mate. In the first year you might have to share with people you don't know but that's could be good or bad.

You can't commute - you'll miss out on all the fun. And halls would be a bit restrictive in terms of behaviour

Shared house gives you complete freedom.