2 quick tips from someone who has read his fair share of marketing books and has attended a whole bunch of communication conferences
- Hire or otherwise get help of a good proofreader. If there are any mistakes in your spelling or grammar users will be gone in a big hurry. An issue forms instantly in the mind of any potential customer when they see poor use of language on a website, and that issue is untrustworthiness. If you're looking to store files on a server you will generally choose to avoid shady sites, and people immediately associate poor use of language as shady. There's a whole backdrop of psychology here, but the bottom line is: clean sentences and spelling = exponentially more customers.
- Think about who your target group is and how it affects your business strategy. Right now it looks to me like you're trying to hook people who know about the concept of file sharing as you're presenting it (with a virtual desktop and clouds and all sorts of other technicalities) I think you're trying to hook people already in the knowledge, because I had to read through everything twice before I knew what you were selling. This is alright if you have a plan for attracting those particular customers with (for example) an *aggressive pricing strategy, but if you're looking for a wider market you need to explain the concept more clearly. Something in the region of 80% of potential customers will leave if they do not understand your business concept within the first 10-15 seconds of arriving at your site.
* This ties in with the first tip. Low prices + shady language = massive scam alert for most sensible people. Look at the competition and don't deviate too much from their prices. Pricing affects much, much more than just the money that customers will spend. Once again, big psychological background, but to put it simply: high prices attract other customers (and not just the ones with more money!) than lower prices. Entire books have been dedicated on the subject. Red Bull is an interesting case study for this subject. (and on the subject on first companies nearly always claiming market leadership even after many years)
Oh, and good luck!