Do you have what it takes (a giant void in the front of your head, basically) to simultaneously consume more jaffa cakes than your racing rivals? For some time, Tristan has been generally considered to have the biggest mouth in LFS. This challenge will determine the truth once and for all!
The challenge is to insert as many whole jaffa cakes into your mouth as possible, and to proceed to chew and swallow the majority of the confection according to the rules set out below.
The End Is Nigh: Competition closes Monday 16th October!
Note To International Competitors: Jaffa Cakes can be bought here for delivery to EU countries within five working days. Follow the link marked "Biscuits", temporarily suspending any strong opinions you may have as to whether Jaffa Cakes are actually biscuits.
The Rules:
1) Jaffa cakes may not be tampered with prior to insertion. Any softening or breaking of the cakes will void the attempt.
2) All Jaffa cakes must be held, whole, within the mouth prior to munching.
3) Jaffa cakes may be inserted singly, or as a formed stack, into any cavity the mouth provides.
4) The mouth does not have to close following insertion, but any cakes which - when viewed in profile - clearly protrude to the point where the lips could not possibly close around them will not be counted.
5) All cakes must be inserted within a reasonable timeframe to preclude the pre-moistening of any spongey biscuit which comes into contact with saliva-producing thingies. Any longer than thirty seconds for the insertion stage will result in the attempt being brought before the steward, who is quite a mean person, and will probably disallow the attempt.
6) All confection must remain fully within the bounds of the mouth during the attempt. If any cake or cakes is pushed out beyond the perimeter outlined in rule #4 during the mastication stage, the attempt will be declared void.
7) No cake segments, including lumps of sponge, chocolate flakes, or bits of weird rubbery orange-flavoured stuff, are allowed to fall from the mouth at any time during the attempt.
8) During mastication no foreign bodies, including but not limited to: Fingers, sticks, spatulas, whisks, hand blenders, forks, screwdrivers, hamsters, may be used to aid the jaffa cake destruction process.
9) The participant must demonstrate that the majority of his/her cakes have been swallowed to successfully end the run. The competitor may leave a cake remainder which could reasonably be considered to be routinely consumable by a non-competitive jaffa cake eater. So, approximately one jaffa-cake's worth of mushed up spongey brown mess left in your gob is acceptable.
10) If you do anything against the "spirit of the rules" I will declare you to be a movable aerodynamic device and your attempt will be void.
11) Please don't die.
The Prizes:
To be determined. There will be prizes, and they will be suitably ironic. A postal address will be required if you wish to claim your prize.
Current entrants:
tristancliffe (He Who Must Be Beaten)
the_angry_angel
f1r3b4ll
Hyperactive
mrbogeyman
nutty boy
Madman_CZ
Bob Smith
Jakg
The Results:
tristancliffe: 8
Madman_CZ: 7
Bob Smith: 5
nutty boy: 4
mrbogeyman: D/Q
I begrudgingly declare Tristan the winner.
The challenge is to insert as many whole jaffa cakes into your mouth as possible, and to proceed to chew and swallow the majority of the confection according to the rules set out below.
The End Is Nigh: Competition closes Monday 16th October!
Note To International Competitors: Jaffa Cakes can be bought here for delivery to EU countries within five working days. Follow the link marked "Biscuits", temporarily suspending any strong opinions you may have as to whether Jaffa Cakes are actually biscuits.
The Rules:
1) Jaffa cakes may not be tampered with prior to insertion. Any softening or breaking of the cakes will void the attempt.
1a) Generic substitute Jaffa-esque cakes may not be used - the FIJC only uses one Jaffa Cake supplier: McVities, however we will allow a special dispensation to privateer entries (students) to use cheaper Jaffa Cakes providing the rest of the entrants unanimously agree.
1b) If any other flavour than orange is used we will require a bloody good explanation as to why.
1c) "Griesson Soft Cakes" may be used in nations where they are more readily available than Jaffa Cakes.
2) All Jaffa cakes must be held, whole, within the mouth prior to munching.
3) Jaffa cakes may be inserted singly, or as a formed stack, into any cavity the mouth provides.
4) The mouth does not have to close following insertion, but any cakes which - when viewed in profile - clearly protrude to the point where the lips could not possibly close around them will not be counted.
5) All cakes must be inserted within a reasonable timeframe to preclude the pre-moistening of any spongey biscuit which comes into contact with saliva-producing thingies. Any longer than thirty seconds for the insertion stage will result in the attempt being brought before the steward, who is quite a mean person, and will probably disallow the attempt.
6) All confection must remain fully within the bounds of the mouth during the attempt. If any cake or cakes is pushed out beyond the perimeter outlined in rule #4 during the mastication stage, the attempt will be declared void.
7) No cake segments, including lumps of sponge, chocolate flakes, or bits of weird rubbery orange-flavoured stuff, are allowed to fall from the mouth at any time during the attempt.
8) During mastication no foreign bodies, including but not limited to: Fingers, sticks, spatulas, whisks, hand blenders, forks, screwdrivers, hamsters, may be used to aid the jaffa cake destruction process.
9) The participant must demonstrate that the majority of his/her cakes have been swallowed to successfully end the run. The competitor may leave a cake remainder which could reasonably be considered to be routinely consumable by a non-competitive jaffa cake eater. So, approximately one jaffa-cake's worth of mushed up spongey brown mess left in your gob is acceptable.
10) If you do anything against the "spirit of the rules" I will declare you to be a movable aerodynamic device and your attempt will be void.
11) Please don't die.
The Prizes:
To be determined. There will be prizes, and they will be suitably ironic. A postal address will be required if you wish to claim your prize.
Current entrants:
tristancliffe (He Who Must Be Beaten)
the_angry_angel
f1r3b4ll
Hyperactive
mrbogeyman
nutty boy
Madman_CZ
Bob Smith
Jakg
The Results:
tristancliffe: 8
Madman_CZ: 7
Bob Smith: 5
nutty boy: 4
mrbogeyman: D/Q
I begrudgingly declare Tristan the winner.
illepall