Read the dirctions.

Jose Cuervo Christmas Cookies:

1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
1 tsp lemon juice
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila

Sample the Cuervo to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Cuervo
again, to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and
drink.

Turn on the electric mixer...Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy
bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point it's best to
make sure the Cuervo is still OK, try another cup just in case.

Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck
in the cup of dried fruit. Pick the frigging fruit off floor...

Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just
pry
loose with a drewscriver. Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who giveshz a sheet. Check the
Jose Cuervo. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add table.
Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the
oven.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over - Don't forget to
beat off the turner.

Finally, throw the bowl out, finish the Cose Juervo and make sure to put
the stove in the dishwasher.

CHERRY MISTMAS!