Vacation I dont really know, just a suggestion

I don't drink or smoke.

I'm not going to lie. I am falling apart and feel like shit.

I need help. Yet I can't seem to reach for it. I lose myself in LFS, but I can't seem to snap back to reality.

DK

Best advice I can give you is keep busy. Get up and do stuff, anything. The more you do the better you'll feel about yourself. Dossing around will just make you feel useless.

Been there mate, and believe me, I know how bad it feels, you just need to have faith and please get professional help.

No matter how bad it feels, it WILL get better, but you MUST get professional help, depression is an illness and it won't cure itself.

Dan,

Quote from danowat :

No matter how bad it feels, it WILL get better, but you MUST get professional help, depression is an illness and it won't cure itself.

Hmm. Depends on who your GP is IME. My doc just wanted to give me pills and make me go away. I told him I didn't want pills so he put me on a lower dose, I took them once, felt smacked up, never took them again.

On the positive side, it did at least make me realise I had to solve the problem myself.

medication isn't always a good cure, helps for some, doesn't for others, but professional help doesn't have to mean pills, cognitive therapy and other forms of counselling are offen good routes to take, but it will ultimately depend on why the subject is depressed in the first place...........

Ok. I'm back.

NOW I'm pissed off.

A 'friend' is saying I have no right to be depressed. I am /so/ tempted to put her MSN here and let you all yell at her.

DK

Forget MSN friends, do you know any of them in person?
Go and hang out with some of your real friends, call some friend you haven't talk to in a while, go and hang in places where there are loads of people..

Quote from thisnameistaken :

My doc just wanted to give me pills and make me go away. I told him I didn't want pills so he put me on a lower dose, I took them once, felt smacked up, never took them again.

On the positive side, it did at least make me realise I had to solve the problem myself.

Some doctors can be a great help, some are outright harmful for your health.

I agree that you must solve your problems yourself, in the sense that you must choose who you go to for treatment. You're the only one who can decide what works and what doesn't. If your doctor only makes things worse, go to someone else.

I disagree that you must solve your problems yourself, in the sense that medics are useless. Some people can get out of a depression alone, but it's not for everyone, and not for every condition.

Quote from DieKolkrabe :

A 'friend' is saying I have no right to be depressed. I am /so/ tempted to put her MSN here and let you all yell at her.

Then stuff her. What holds for doctors is also true for friends: be critical who you turn to, and shun them if they make you feel worse. (Later, when you get better, they may be good to be with. But not now.)

I think the biggest problem with depression is that most people would have to experience it in order to understand just exactly how debilitating it is. Unless you've been there and remember what it's like, "get out and about and pull yourself together" can seriously compound the problem rather than help. It's an illness - a medical condition. You don't tell people who've broken their leg to "walk it off". If you could walk depression off then it wouldn't BE depression.

I suffer from chronic depression, and have done for 20 years. I didn't know about it for the first 16 years and was only diagnosed in 2003. Simply knowing what the problem actually is has meant that I've been able to get a better grip on it than ever before. My best argument for not quitting smoking is that if it weren't for buying cigarettes, I'd completely succumb to the agoraphobia. I buy in batches of 80-100 cigs, which forces me out of the house 2x per week. Another symptom is a rather disturbing lack of regard for my own life. I am utterly fearless, yet it takes me about 4 months to psych myself up to go to a party. When I get there, I'm the life-and-soul. Depression is a complicated thing, different for everyone who experiences it, and not something that many non-sufferers can grasp.

DK, if you ever need to talk to someone on MSN, just add myself, I'll be glad to try and help you.

I struggle to put into words exactly how bad depression as personally affected me. I lost my job, girlfriend and was genuinely feeling like the world was against me.

What turned it around was that I got good help from my Doctor. It took me about a year to realize that I needed help. Immediately he refused to put me on any medication, and got me in to different groups till I found one that I was comfortable in. Considering that I live in the Highlands and therefore in a sparcialy populated area that was no small feat. Also other things that I did, such as keeping myself occupied, getting fit (hey I lost 2 stone) helped, but the biggest thing I personally did was that I stooped myself from over thinking the emotional situations that I was in or have been in. That wasn't easy by any means, but staying disciplined enough meant that my mood generally got better.

Now 2 years on from that, and I'm a lot better. I have a new job, with greater responsibilities that I now know I can handle, and if things get to much the situation in work is easy enough for me to offload some tasks to others. I'm still single (damit ) but find myself socializing a lot better. I still suffer from some depression (following Ross County it's little wonder), but with the contacts I've made in the help groups then I know a helpful voice is only a phone call away.

So basically m8 the second step, you already know you're suffering some kind of depression, is to speak to a doctor, and hopefully he'll point you towards some groups so you can have someone outside you're normal group of friends to talk to.

Quote from SamH :

I think the biggest problem with depression is that most people would have to experience it in order to understand just exactly how debilitating it is. Unless you've been there and remember what it's like, "get out and about and pull yourself together" can seriously compound the problem rather than help. It's an illness - a medical condition.

Sadly, this also happens with other "invisible" conditions, such as ME and whiplash. Many people, including medical professionals, react like "I can't see any injuries, so you're not sick, and now stop complaining". They don't even see the error in their thinking.

I spent a while in a state that I guess must've been depression. I was totally uninspired, it was a struggle to even get myself out of bed in the mornings, I didn't want to do anything at all. It wasn't like crying uncontrollably, it was much more just like wanting to curl up into a ball and staying there until something changed. And I've no idea what caused it or what fixed it, but I did eventually get out of it (more or less, I still have the occasional recurring lapse that lasts a few days).

A girl I went to school with ended up in front of a train a year or so after we left school. I didn't really know her, but I was still affected by hearing what happened. At first they weren't sure what happened, if it was someone pushed her, if it was a drunken stumble, but eventually the conclusion was she jumped. I can't even start to imagine what it's like to lose a friend like that, let alone multiples. Of course my guess would be the first one had issues, then the others after that just couldn't deal with it.

I guess you feel guilty because you feel like you're the link between them all, therefor you think you're the reason they did it. Obviously that's just not true. What the link might actually be I don't know (because I didn't know them and I don't know you), but I can tell you for a fact that it wasn't you.
As for you doing something about it? You already know you couldn't have stopped it, you just wish you could. People who want to end their lives know exactly how to do it in such a way that nobody can prevent it. The people who 'attempt' it and fail are just looking for sympathy (or in some cases attention). Suicide may solve your problem (it might not, we don't actually know if what comes after is any better), but it creates a whole load of new ones for the person who finds you, as well as your own friends and family. You know what it's like to be on the other side of this situation, and hopefully you won't want to put someone else in the position you're in.

Now, advice. That's a hard one. Start simple. Don't try to change your entire life in one go. Do one single thing today that you wouldn't normally. Exercise is an easy one. You probably don't want to, but it's the easiest, quickest and cheapest way to get a shot of endorphins. Sit-ups or push-ups don't require you to move outside the room. Jogging is another, but obviously needs a bit of space. If you don't want to be around people it might not be a good idea.
Do any exercise to music. This will help to create a mental anchor with that music, meaning you will associate those tracks with the endorphins and after a while you might just need the music to help you. Obviously try to avoid sad songs or any that might stir an emotional downer - you don't need that right now. This might be a bit harder if you're into ballads or are a bit of an emo But try. Even if you hate a song, it'll be worth it in the long run.

Try to avoid general news. Sounds weird, but you don't need anything that could make you more miserable. If the world does end, I'm sure you'll find out about it from someone else. If on the rare occasion that something good does happen, try to read as much about that as possible, it might help to convince you that good stuff does actually happen.

You have an unusual job, I assume because it's something you're interested in. If so, appreciate the fact that you have a job you like. The majority of us don't. In this respect you should thank your lucky stars that you're not
If you don't like your job, try to start looking for something else. This could be another source of your depression, and while it's not something you can actually fix 100% by yourself, the beginnings of change lie in your hands. There are hundreds of websites (I can recommend a couple if you like) you can set up profiles to be informed of new jobs without leaving your house and having to sit in a job centre (which are depressing places already - trust me, I know). The advantage of using websites to look for work is that you can actually do it from your current job, so you don't need to use up holidays or unpaid leave. In a depressed state you don't need to speak to anyone and it doesn't take any real effort to do.

This is turning into a bit of a book, but I think I'm done. That's all I can suggest without having any questions to work with. If you want more specific help, PM me here and I can be emailed or contacted via MSN.

Definately agree with the advice given here.

I dont think I suffer from depression, or ever have done, so I cant empathise on that level sadly, however this past year - my first year at uni, I've had weeks go by where I have zero motivation, missing lectures, sometimes not going outside for days, only when I need food.

I have an absolutely amazing small group of friends from school, who when I moved to uni I missed more than anyone. Friends are the biggest part of my life. I dont make new friends quickly, which didnt suit the first year of uni well. Luckily for me 2 of my best friends are at the same uni as me, however in the first term I hardly saw them as they were doing their own thing, as was I. I soon realised though that I wanted to hang out with them again, and vice versa. My flat of uni consists of me, and 4 girls. I can tell you now, you NEED good guy friends. You have to share the same thoughts, interests and lifestyles. I have one close girl friend, but she has the same sense of humour as me, and shares the same interests as me.

Anyway getting back on track, I realised the way I was living was wrong, so I picked an event to start changing my lifestyle, the start of a new term. I decided to integrate with the guys on my course more, and spent more time out of the flat. This helped greatly and I now feel much more positive. I'm currently in exam season, and whilst previously (last semesters exams) I felt defeated before I'd even started exams, I now feel confident that I can do well.

This may not all be applicable to you, but to recap on the key points:
Definately get outside as much as you feel possible, it helps.
Talk to people you feel comfortable talking to, if thats some guys from here, thats fine. There are plently of people who can offer advice, as seen in this thread.

edit: I always think of more things after posting, so... I would say unless you're talking to a professional, avoid telling people directly that you feel depressed. Most people won't know how to deal with this, and, as you have experienced, may tell you things you really don't need to hear. Which strengthens my point about talking to poeple you feeling comfortable with. Conversation itself is good, and you may find they help without even knowing you're suffering.

edit2: The term I felt down, I bought I lot of stuff, and whilst it made me feel better for a day or two, it soon wears off. Not saying that your point is null Dustin, this is different for each person I'm sure, but don't rely on 'retail-therapy'. This term I've spent roughly half what I did last term, literally just spending what I needed to live and have a social life, and a few extras, and I actually feel better for saving the money.