I have a pathological hatred of all things Beemer shaped. I drive pretty much all day every day on all sorts of roads in all sorts of conditions and Beemer drivers are by far the worst. And I will go out of my way to make their day even more stressed and fraught as their driving seems to indicate they are having by using my lifted, big wheeled Land Rover (And thats not a dream, man I love that girl, but more of that later) to really cramp their driving style. If it's middle laneing it's a beemer. If it's going 40 in a 50 then it's a beemer driven by an old person. If it comes screaming up behind you light ablaze whilst your already breaking the speed limit then its a young BMW driver, can't scare a 4 andahalf tonne landrover out the way. But a 4 andahalf Tonne landrover can go some way to scaring the bejeezus out of an M3 driver. Hehe. I make it my days mission to find BMW's and hunt them down with ruthless joviality. To bring those phone using, speed freakin', glory huntin', over payed, antisocial playground bullies of the open road to Justice.
Then once I've finished with them I move onto Merc's. 5litres below the hood and they won't go above 40. IN A 60 LIMIT!!! Then they have the audacity to get upset when I'm so far up thier arse I could have retuned the radio . . . . . BAD DRIVERS SUCK!!!
And then it's old people. Old people should be restricted to driving between the hours of 04.00.00 and 04.00.01. You'd think you would get the message when you hear on the traffic report that the road your on seems to be under a rolling roadblock situation but from where your sat the road is perfectly clear.
'Speed check dear, what does that sign say?'
'It say's Fifty Miles per hour Dear.'
'Very good dear, I'm doing 45.3 miles per hour as per my timed calculations over a quarter mile.'
'Not according to your speedometer deer, that appears to be reading 30mph'.
'Just goes to show how much you can't trust technology dear.'
'I'm sure a little faster won't hurt dear.'
'No need, no need. Everything is under control. I shall engine brake at every roundabout too dear, don't want to blow those Brake light bulbs too soon either dear.'
And stick old people in A BMW and/or a mercedes. It just drives me insane. Only today some old blokey pulled out infront of my on a dual carriageway. I mean, a landrover isn't small. Plus I drive with the lights on just to really get the message across. And yet with barely inches to spare over they come. I don't know if they just didn't see me or whether landrovers in the rear view mirror appear further away than they really are . . . . And trust me, you know when you got one of our landrovers mere inches from your back bumper roaring along at 70 miles an hour.
I think they should completly tighten up the driving test. So what if the vast majority fail. It will take more cars of the road (Good for the envroment), take more numpties of the road (Good for my health) and make more people get of thier fat lazy arses and get to work in a more proactive manner (Good for their health)
See, me for president. Come the revolution. Who want's to be my transport minister.
Did I mention I've just brought a BMW? No. Oh. But it's ok because I'm the 0.01% that are actually any good.