Speaking of Life of Brian. This is one of my favorite parts (quite long
):
Brian is running from the guards and stops quickly at an outdoor shop to get a fake beard.
BRIAN: How much? Quick.
HAGGLER: What?
BRIAN: It's for the wife.
HAGGLER: Oh. Uhhh, twenty shekels.
BRIAN: Right.
HAGGLER: What?
BRIAN: (Holds up 20 shekels) There you are.
HAGGLER: Wait a minute.
BRIAN: What?
HAGGLER: Well, we're-- we're supposed to haggle.
BRIAN: No, no. I've got to get--
HAGGLER: What do you mean, 'no, no, no'?
BRIAN: I haven't time. I've got--
HAGGLER: Well, give it back, then.
BRIAN: No, no, no. I just paid you.
HAGGLER: Burt!
BURT: Yeah?
HAGGLER: This bloke won't haggle.
BURT: Won't haggle?!
BRIAN: Alright. Do we have to?
HAGGLER: Now, look. I want twenty for that.
BRIAN: I-- I just gave you twenty.
HAGGLER: Now, are you telling me that's not worth twenty shekels?
BRIAN: No.
HAGGLER: Look at it. Feel the quality. That's none of your goat.
BRIAN: All right. I'll give you nineteen then.
HAGGLER: No, no, no. Come on. Do it properly.
BRIAN: What?
HAGGLER: Haggle properly. This isn't worth nineteen.
BRIAN: Well, you just said it was worth twenty.
HAGGLER: Ohh, dear. Ohh, dear. Come on. Haggle!
BRIAN: Huh. All right. I'll give you ten.
HAGGLER: That's more like it...Ten?! Are you trying to insult me?! Me, with a poor dying grandmother?! Ten?!
BRIAN: All right. I'll give you eleven.
HAGGLER: Now you're gettin' it...Eleven?! Did I hear you right?! Eleven?! This cost me twelve. You want to ruin me?!
BRIAN: Seventeen?
HAGGLER: No, no, no, no. (chuckles)Seventeen.
BRIAN: Eighteen?
HAGGLER: No, no. You go to fourteen now.
BRIAN: All right. I'll give you fourteen.
HAGGLER: Fourteen?! Are you joking?!
BRIAN: That's what you told me to say!
HAGGLER: Ohh, dear.
(Brian sees guards coming)
BRIAN: Ohh, tell me what to say. Please!
HAGGLER: Offer me fourteen.
BRIAN: I'll give you fourteen.
HAGGLER: He's offering me fourteen for this!
BRIAN: Fifteen!
HAGGLER: Seventeen. My last word. I won't take a penny less, or strike me dead.
BRIAN: Sixteen.
HAGGLER: Done. Nice to do business with you.Tell you what. I'll throw you in this as well. (picks up a gourd)
BRIAN: I don't want it, but thanks.
HAGGLER: Burt!
BURT: Yeah?
BRIAN: Alright! Alright! Alright!
HAGGLER: Now, where's the sixteen you owe me?
BRIAN: I just gave you twenty.
HAGGLER: Oh, yeah. That's right. That's four I owe you, then.
BRIAN: Well, that's all right. That's fine. That's fine.
HAGGLER: No. Hang on. I've got it here somewhere.
BRIAN: That's all right. That's four for the gourd.
HAGGLER: Four? For this gourd? Four?! Look at it. It's worth ten if it's worth a shekel.
BRIAN: But you just gave it to me for nothing!
HAGGLER: Yes, but it's worth ten!
BRIAN: Alright! Alright!
HAGGLER: No, no, no, no. It's not worth ten. You're supposed to argue, 'Ten for that? You must be mad!' Ohh, well. [sniff] One born every minute.