I did speak to my local police. They said that - because no crime had been committed in North Yorkshire - it was none of their business and I should instead call the cops in Hannover.
I said I thought they might at least put me in touch with one of their German counterparts who would help me resolve it. They said they don't ever really speak to police forces in other countries so they're just as clueless about it as I am about it.
On the positive side, I'm going to pick up a new bass in person tomorrow. It's a Stingray, but because it's white it looks like a toilet seat.
from their website:
...Europol include crimes against persons, financial crime and cybercrime. This applies where an organised criminal structure is involved and two or more Member States are affected...."
Unfortunately Europol only deal with organised crime operating in two or more countries - I don't think one shifty bass builder in Hannover quite qualifies.
Shame, because I like the idea of a crack team of anti-terrorist police with machine guns smashing his door down. Maybe I should tell them he sent me rude pictures of children.
The email found its way to the 5-0. A friendly Polizeikommissar in Hannover started poking around for me and suddenly I receive a UPS tracking code. Bass should arrive on Friday - four months late. I've already bought a lovely fretless though so this one's going back on eBay where I found it.
It's going on eBay as soon as I find time to write the listing.
I should point out that there is no way in hell this thing was hand-built by a German luthier. This is a Chinese factory job and was assembled by a complete cretin.
Well it all started when my friend Matt bought a 5-string fretless dirt cheap. I decided I'd go one better and find a 6-string fretless for even less money just to piss on his bonfire - and I managed it! But we both got what we paid for.
I am staggered by how bad it is though. I didn't think it was possible for a guitar to be this bad. I can't quite remember what my first bass was like but I know it was shit and yet I don't remember it being this shit.
If you really wanted to piss yer mate off, you should have bought one of these http://www.microphoneheaven.com/guitarbass/ can't help thinking he didn't fully think it through before making it though
Dude, I met a guy in the pub the other night who seemed like a totally normal musician (he was working a show at the theatre up the road), sat chatting about music for ages while my girlfriend and his wife banged on about lamps or rakes or procenium arches or whatever nonsense it is they talk about, and when we were leaving he gave me his card, featuring a guitar not dissimilar to that one!
I'm sticking it up on eBay tonight, I'll drop the link in. It actually doesn't look that bad unless you look up close and start to spot how everything's been done in just a slightly half-arsed way.
It might be possible to set it up to play OK - it's structurally fine, it works as a bass, but I just can't be bothered when I've got a Stingray fretless I could be playing instead.
My god you should sell used cars you'd make a killing!
Little Hint - Do NOT accept PayPal on Collection - If they collect it and then file with PayPal for the item not being delivered they will win as you can't prove they took it (as crazy as that is).
This is my main bass - a '91 Warwick Thumb bass, hand-made by CRAFTSMEN in Germany. In 1992 demand dictated that they had to move to a machine process, mine was one of the last to be hand-made. I've wanted one since I was 15, I got one when I was 25 - they're expensive! Very unique sound, lots of honky mid tones, famous for its "growl". Built from insanely dense African rain forest woods and despite being really small-bodied (which suits me nicely, being a bit scrawny) it weighs more than any 5-string bass I've ever played!
You can hear a Warwick Thumb quite clearly here around the 2 minute mark. Norwood's one of my favourite players - in all honesty he's the main reason I always wanted a Warwick Thumb.
Another good example. Funnily enough, this guy also bought a Thumb bass because he saw Norwood playing one! I asked him once and that's what he told me!
Thesearemy new fretless, a '93/'94 Stingray (not sure which year). that I bought off a music teacher in Nottingham a month or so ago. This was a transition period for Ernie Ball too - they introduced the 6-bolt neck pocket in '93 which my bass has got, and phased out the string damper retainers between '93 and '94 which, again, my bass has got. I could take the serial number to Ernie Ball and find out exactly which year but I can't be bothered. It's got that classic Stingray hi-fi sound with lots of thunder at the bottom and ringing top end, but it's a 3-band EQ model so there's a mid boost on-board too, which is what you want on a fretless.
This song was a hit because of ... on his Stingray fretless. Admittedly that's processed through a Boss OC-2 and a chorus pedal, but I've got those too. If you don't like the track, forward to around the 3:50s mark for the stonking 16th-note bass arpeggio he put out. He's still one of the most in-demand bassists in the world BTW - you probably own lots of records he's performed on. And he's... Welsh!
They are nice basses, but they did cost a fair bit more than the piece of shit I'm selling on eBay.
Sad part is I still need another quality bass. Looking for a good '70s Fender Precision if anyone's selling one?
