Quote from OldBloke :

NSFW

http://www.break.com/index/america-rules-england-sucks.html

That was awesome.

Quote from xaotik :

One would of thought that the inclusion of "City" in a city's name would be a hint that any celebration related to it wouldn't be nationwide, but then again "canada" apparently does mean "village".

Kanada means village, in Native Canadian, but because the English are ****tards we changed it to Canada.


Happy 4th of July (please not Americans that means it is 04/07/2008, which means our dating system is right and yours is wrong), the day when you can be proud the French helped you gain independence from the British and yet you still rename French Fries to Freedom Fries.

edit: and for good measure

Quote :

In the light of your dissatisfaction with the European Union, your bickering with European Governments (most notably the French) and the fact that you already almost speak our language and refuse to speak any other European languages, you are to be annexed as a commonwealth of America. Your state code will be GB. Zip codes will be assigned to replace your old postal codes. The state capital will be Stratford-upon-Avon which is a lot prettier than London and far more cultural. We believe the main reason why Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II does not fancy Utah is because it will turn her already sagging and dry skin into a rather hard leathery shell. Besides people over the age of 80 just do not know what they are talking about 75% of the time - the Duke of Edinburgh, Prince Philip is a prime example of this and his son Prince Charles is fast following his example. If you want a national figure head appoint someone much younger and far more attractive.

To aid in the assimilation, the following rules are to be introduced with immediate effect:

1. Realize that language is an organic structure, and that you aren't always correct in your pronunciation or spelling. Let's use your "aluminium" example. Sir Humphrey Davy (an Englishman) invented the name "alumium" for the metal. However, in common usage the name evolved into "aluminum" to match the naming convention of other elements. In 1925 the United States decided to switch back to the original spelling and pronunciation of the word, at which point we dominated the aluminum industry.

However, we'd like to thank you for the Oxford English Dictionary. It's an interesting collection, considering that over 10,000 of the words in the original edition were submitted by a crazy American civil-war veteran called Dr. William Chester Minor.

The letter “U" will be removed from words such as “armour" and “neighbour". Skipping the letter “U" is not considered laziness on our part since the correct pronunciation of those words would be “ar-moo-er" and “nay-boo-er"

You will also end your love affair with the letter “S" (and by the way, it is pronounced zee, not zed. The pronunciation “zee" actually comes from late 17th-century English dialect) and the suffix -ise will be replaced with the suffix -ize.

You also seem to pronounce words horribly wrong, even in your own language. Let’s take Edinburgh for example. You will realize that it is pronounced “Ed-in-burg", not “Ed-in-burra". Where does the –rra come from? If you wish to refer to it still as Edinburgh, we suggest you remove the last two letters and replace them with –rra.

Cockney rhyming slang will no longer be used, as it is an inefficient way to communicate with another. Say what you mean, there is no need to find another word that rhymes with the word you are trying to say.

2. Since you will switch to the American standard of spelling Microsoft will be notified on your behalf to discontinue the British language pack for the family of Office products.

3. Learn to distinguish the American and Canadian accents, and then we'll talk about the English and Australian accent issue. (Here’s a hint: If you hear the word “eh" while speaking to someone, this is a clear indication that they are Canadian. Example: Nice weather we’re having, eh?)

You will also have to learn Southern accents. Cops will no longer broadcast subtitles.

4. If you want English actors as good guys, then make your own movies. Don't rely on us for your modern popular culture. We liked "Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels", "Trainspotting", and "The Full Monty". We've also heard good things about this "Billy Elliot". But one good movie a year doesn't exactly make a cultural powerhouse. However, your music industry is great. We’ll leave that intact. (The Beatles, Led Zeppelin, Deep Purple, Iron Maiden and Muse just to name a few). And please stop going on about Shakespeare, the guys been dead for nearly 400 years.

5. It is inefficient to have a national anthem that changes its title whenever your monarch dies, especially if that monarch has no role other than ceremonially. Let's not forget that your national anthem has an extremely boring tune. Rule Britannia will be the tune with which you will sing your next national anthem to. We will get to work on the lyrics immediately.

6. “Football" as you call it will be a permissible pastime, although you will be required to call it soccer. Police officers will be placed at strategic points around the field and riot gear will always be nearby. If you do cause an incident, we will tear your beloved “Football" away from you faster than you can say “Bangers and Mash". The NFL will be started in the UK as well as college Football (The American one) teams. We welcome any two of your rugby players to play an American Football player anytime. We will also be happy to show your rugby players how to wear proper protective gear, so they don’t lose brain cells every time they play.

7. You will not be allowed to own guns. This is because you fail to see how harmless wooden shields and spears are compared to a weapon capable of firing a projectile at upwards of 1,300 feet per second (Refer to the Anglo-Zulu War). You only pretend to be pompous intellects because you don’t have the testicular fortitude to own a gun, and thus only rely on drive by insults.

8. The 5th of November will no longer be celebrated. The 4th of July will replace this celebration and become a nationally recognized holiday, thus reminding you of when 13 of your most productive colonies decided not to recognize you as their ruler.

9. We have German cars, and think they are ugly and uncomfortable. British cars will be banned, as they are too small (height wise) for any person to fit into. We will airlift several hundred thousand Pontiacs, Buicks, and Cadillacs. American cars were crap, we agree, in the 70’s until the late 90’s. Since then, American cars are quite well built, very comfortable, and get good gas mileage.

All roundabouts will be replaced with intersections. You will begin to drive on the right side of the road, seeing as the majority of cars that are driven in the world are. You will convert to the American standard (gallons instead of liters). Litre will be spelled Liter.

10. Anything fried in animal fat will be banned. (This includes your precious “chips") Belgium was at one time a part of France, so calling them French fries does not seem too far off. To end confusion, thinly sliced pieces of potato (called crisps in the UK) will be referred to as chips, not crisps. Chips will be called French fries, or more commonly, fries.

11. A picture of a Native American will appear inside the state of Massachusetts on all British Tea. He will affectionately be known as “Bosty".

12. American Microbreweries will be established and you will see how Beer is supposed to taste. We do enjoy Killian’s Irish Red though (Good job Ireland, for your recipe at least). That company will be incorporated with Samuel Adams.

13. You will no longer be allowed to call it petrol, for it is called gasoline. You will adopt the American pricing standard for it (roughly around 35p/liter).

14. The American legal system grows and changes because we don’t live under the impression that our legal system is infallible. We wholeheartedly believe that the British could take a lesson from the way that the Americans respect but don’t worship their legal system. We have a channel called C-SPAN that broadcasts live from our chambers of law (the House and Senate) and occasionally broadcasts British Parliament. We tune to that channel solely to chuckle at how infantile and unorganized your lawmakers are.

We find it especially amusing that our government observes parliamentary procedure whilst (by the way that word is ours now) yours seemingly does not.

15. We will tell you who killed JFK when you apologize for the abomination known as “Teletubbies". Anne Wood will be promptly ordered to pay a fee of $2,500 for any person who suffered psychological abuse due to watching the afore mentioned show.

16. Taxes will be imposed on British citizens for all damages incurred by the British during the Revolutionary War and War of 1812.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Quote from OldBloke :

NSFW

http://www.break.com/index/america-rules-england-sucks.html

That's the most racist,dumb and xenofobic video i have ever seen.................and it's funny

As I once remarked to my employers one July 4th, I think - all things considered - you've done a pretty good job populating the colonies. And in a way it's a shame that the queen will eventually have to have you all executed.

Quote from OldBloke :

NSFW

http://www.break.com/index/america-rules-england-sucks.html

I rofl'd at that one. Well as bad as it is it's still USA; Happy Birthday. Off to watch the fireworks at night. NYC FTW :P

Quote :

Now piss off and go play with your bloody base balls.

That's that cricket game on a bent pitch right? Like the girls game rounders but they dress up in those dinky little outfits with the caps, yes?

ooo - I'm coming to visit y'all sunday

Is it sunny there?

Can't be worse than the forcast for here next week - to sum up: Rain. Alot of it

Quote from xaotik :

One would of thought that the inclusion of "City" in a city's name would be a hint that any celebration related to it wouldn't be nationwide, but then again "canada" apparently does mean "village".

Well, Canada day was July 1st. And today is the celebration of the creation of Quebec city (400th birthday). It's not a nationwide celebration but a lot of people in Quebec (the province) celebrate it.

Quote from evilpimp :

It's not a nationwide celebration but a lot of people in Quebec (the province) celebrate it.

What are you talking about? Any Quebec-wide celebration is a nationwide celebration; The country of Quebec.

(Anyone not from Canada, or Quebec, will get that...except maybe Jordan. He seems to get "us")

Quote from Becky Rose :

That's that cricket game on a bent pitch right? Like the girls game rounders but they dress up in those dinky little outfits with the caps, yes?

Yes, but don't forget the brain bucket and glove to protect their hands from getting hurt.

Quote from MAGGOT :

What are you talking about? Any Quebec-wide celebration is a nationwide celebration; The country of Quebec.

(Anyone not from Canada, or Quebec, will get that...except maybe Jordan. He seems to get "us")

I lul'd.

If it ain't in Quebec it ain't worth visiting.

232 years of lies FTW!

Quote from P5YcHoM4N :

I lul'd.

If it ain't in Quebec it ain't worth visiting.

Pfft. Quebec's "mountains" are nothing more than foothills. BC is where it's at.

[EDIT]

Rockies > Laurentians
West Coast > East(ish) Coast
Mosport > Mont Tremblant
Mosport > Trois Riviers
Mosport > le Circuit Gilles Villeneuve

'nuff said.

United States **** Yeah!
not america

Quote from MAGGOT :

Pfft. Quebec's "mountains" are nothing more than foothills. BC is where it's at.

But are they French? There is no Canada like French Canada. It's the best Canada in the land.

If you think about it Quebec is the Yorkshire of Canada. Linky.


Le Sob, if I wasn't so foul tempered at times I'd by flying to Canada in a few hours

Quote from P5YcHoM4N :

Le Sob, if I wasn't so foul tempered at times I'd by flying to Canada in a few hours

You get in a fight with that chick from Calgary, or did you kill a few people in a fit of rage in your home country and aren't allowed to leave now?

Get Well Soon, USA! Hope you get your constitution back again soon!

wtf happened on the 4th of July anyway

Quote from MAGGOT :

You get in a fight with that chick from Calgary, or did you kill a few people in a fit of rage in your home country and aren't allowed to leave now?

The former, though I've come close to the latter recently too. Got to hang around for the props (pretend cops or PCSOs as they are officially called) to pay me a visit =[

Sam, we didn't lose it, rather we chose to have our leaders rip it to shreds whenever they felt like it.

I could swear America was a continent.

Quote from de Souza :

I could swear America was a continent.

Two continents, in fact! I'd rather live in South America instead of North America, but I don't know any of the languages on that continent.

I was being ironic.

In fact it's one continent, divided in three parts (don't forget Central America!). And unless you want to live in Brazil, you'll be fine just with spanish.

hehe, and the most prestigous german news show just granted you a new flag (in a report about the embassy in berlin)
...but that didnt had anything to do with anti-americanism...2 weeks ago they showed a wrong german flag
so they are just plain stupid...

have a nice 4th of july over there!

Quote from mookie427 :

wtf happened on the 4th of July anyway

And you an Oxford man!

Quote from MAGGOT :

Pfft. Quebec's "mountains" are nothing more than foothills. BC is where it's at.

Come to Mount Snowdown, we put a pub at the top