I just read this on another forum, which I'm sure the creator of the thread there saw it on another and so on and so forth, however.

Men's five most feared questions:

1. What are you thinking about?
2. Do you love me?
3. Do I look fat?
4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
5. What would you do if I died?

What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e. tells the truth).

Therefore, as a public service, each question is analysed below along with possible responses.

Question #1: What are you thinking about?

The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I have been a bit pensive darling. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you."

This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:
a. Nothing
b. Football
c. Jennifer Lopez
d. How fat you are
e. How would I spend the insurance money if you died

Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you"

Question #2: Do you love me?

The proper response is: "YES" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is necessary, "Yes, dear."

Inappropriate responses include:
a. Oh yeah, loads
b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
c. That depends on what you mean by love
d. Does it matter
e. Who, me?

Question #3: Do I look fat?

The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!!"

Among the incorrect answers are:
a. Compared to what?
b. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
c. A little extra weight looks good on you
d. I've seen fatter
e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question #4: Do you think she is prettier than me?

Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!!"

Incorrect responses include:
a. Yes but you have a better personality
b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner
c. Not as pretty as you when you were her age
d. Define "pretty"
e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question #5: What would you do if I died?

A definite no-win question. (The real answer of course is "Buy a Ferrari and a boat") No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow up questions, usually along these lines:

WOMAN: Would you get married again?
MAN: Definitely not!

WOMAN: Why not? Don't you like being married?
MAN: Of course I do.

WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
MAN: Okay, I'd get married again.

WOMAN: You would? (With a hurtful look on her face)
MAN: (Makes audible groan)

WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
MAN: Where else would we sleep?

WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures and replace them with pictures of her?
MAN: That would seem the proper thing to do.

WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
MAN: She can't. She's left-handed.

WOMAN: ...silence...
MAN: Ooops...

Totally true xD
I lived this 3. Do I look fat? question today... Quite hard hahaha, I answered bad to this one tought "Do you love me?" luckily I went away without damage xD

I always answer the 'do you love me?' question wrong, women are too hooked up on that bloody word. I usually end up either diverting the conversation if i quite like the girl, saying 'i love you, but i'm not IN love with you' (classic) or if i can't be arsed just say no.

I try to avoid saying yes unless I actually mean it.

"Do you think I am annoying?"

That one is toughhhhh, I try to act pleasant but everytime I hear the word "annoying" I get really annoyed.

Well when you have a very very pretty girl, whos not fat, or annoying, that you love, you have really no problems answering them questions =P. when im asked what you are thinking of, i say.. lol and i mean i say EXACTLY wat im thinking =P.. theres no problems, mabye at 30 years old yeah, but not my age.. as long as if its something she doesnt wannah hear, you say it it a joking way.. and "What would you do if i died?" question, havent been asked yet.. so meh..

some questions that would fear me.. hmm, i know there would be alot..but not questions like them...

Oh yes, woman truely are complex creatures, I have realised that it's best not to try and figure them out, it's impossible.

On another note, my GF has now completed most of the training in LFS, and she now knows the difference between understeer and oversteer.

GF's who play LFS FTW

Quote from P5YcHoM4N :

WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
MAN: She can't. She's left-handed.

WOMAN: ...silence...
MAN: Ooops...

classic


Or another that is guaranteed to be followed by low flying saucepans:

WOMAN: Do these jeans make my bum look big?
MAN: No dear, your arse looks big in anything, not just those jeans!

Got an email the other day at work about things only the bravest men say. The only one I can remember is the one where he comes in to the bedroom very late at night smelling of whiskey and someone else's perfume, with someone else's lipstick on his collar. Wife looks up from bed reproachfully. Before she opens her mouth he slaps her on the rump and says "You're next, fatty."

True story this............

Man : What do you want for your birthday
Woman : Oh, nothing, don't bother this year, I don't want anything, having you is enough for me
Man : Ok then, no problem.........

Fast forward to birthday.

Woman : What did you get me
Man : Nothing, you said you didn't want anything.
Cue silence, lack of sex and general state of pissedoffness (not a real word)
This is true of birthdays, christmases, valentines etc etc.

I just wish women would say what they mean, rather than being cryptic and expecting you to guess.

Another good one.

Woman walks in looking miserable.

Man : whats wrong dear?
Woman : oh, nothing

Now, this being a woman, it sure as hell means something is wrong, but instead of her telling you, you have to guess.........

Oh and one more thing, never, and I mean NEVER, say something like, I know why you are moody, you are on your period aren't you, that DOES NOT go down well, true story LOL

" Woman walks in looking miserable.

Man : whats wrong dear?
Woman : oh, nothing"

THat, i cannot stand!

dude, dont tell me you were stupid enough to go "its your period!"

Quote from aoun :

dude, dont tell me you were stupid enough to go "its your period!"

Uh huh, been there, done it, you only do it once

I have done lots of things like that, and you only do em once, I could write a damn book on it TBH LOL

I do stuff like that constantly. If she asks if she looks fat, I say she's enormous. If she asks if I love her, I tell her I hate her. Does she looks prettier than me? She's hot!

It's just for fun, she knows it, don't worry, I give her the love she needs too

With the "Do I look fat?" selection of questions, the secret is not to answer too quickly. If you do, she'll know you're sounding off rather than actually answering. But under no circumstances do you look at her, then she'll think you think she might be. And "bloody hellfire, you're a veritable whale" won't do you any favours.

As for the whole "What's wrong/Nothing" debacle, my solution for that is not asking. Women are naturally social creatures, so if she wants to share, she will do. A hug is often the most appropriate response.

Women talk about stuff, men fix stuff. Women don't want men to fix stuff and men don't want to hear women talk about stuff. It's one of those "what the hell do we get together for anyway?" timeless questions

I make a rule with girlfriends that every time they play mind games like all of the above they don't see me for a week.

Works well, they slowly learn to speak their mind and not bottle everything up.

Failing that, kill them and bury them in back garden... also works.

The whole fat thing is is just daft. If they are fat / look fat, they must know it. They know you know it. Why live in denial and make you lie to them about it?

Just miss some meals and get jogging missus.

Quote from Dajmin :

With the "Do I look fat?" selection of questions, the secret is not to answer too quickly. If you do, she'll know you're sounding off rather than actually answering. But under no circumstances do you look at her, then she'll think you think she might be. And "bloody hellfire, you're a veritable whale" won't do you any favours.

As for the whole "What's wrong/Nothing" debacle, my solution for that is not asking. Women are naturally social creatures, so if she wants to share, she will do. A hug is often the most appropriate response.

Women talk about stuff, men fix stuff. Women don't want men to fix stuff and men don't want to hear women talk about stuff. It's one of those "what the hell do we get together for anyway?" timeless questions

OH MY GOD Dajimin is a metrosexual who is in touch with his feminine side

Quote from danowat :

OH MY GOD Dajimin is a metrosexual who is in touch with his feminine side

]


Hahaha too many episodes of "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" I think!!

I don't spend nearly enough time or money on my appearance to be a metrosexual, but I am more in touch with my feminine side than the majority of my gender

Trust me, I am the man your girlfriend wants

Quote from Dajmin :

Trust me, I am the man your girlfriend wants

Quote from P5YcHoM4N :

1. What are you thinking about?
2. Do you love me?
3. Do I look fat?
4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
5. What would you do if I died?

They're not so scary...
My answers...
1) Nothing
2) Of course
3) No, stop being stupid!
4) No, of course not.
5) Thats a stupid question, shut up woman!

If someone really lacks so much of self confidence that she must ask such questions I'm pretty sure she would have no any chances to even get out with me. Well, 99% seem to lack self confidence pretty much, but luckily there is this 1%

Quote :

1. What are you thinking about?
2. Do you love me?
3. Do I look fat?
4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
5. What would you do if I died?

1.Sex or cars
2.Sure, you would not be there if I would not
3.Nope, hardly possible with that small amount of weight
4.First must define who is she, but however it is possible however not likely
5.Depending how, maybe I would live, but if it is plane crash maybe we both die, but really I would not like to live after that.

Quote from P5YcHoM4N :

1. What are you thinking about?
2. Do you love me?
3. Do I look fat?
4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
5. What would you do if I died?

1. You
2. More than anything
3. Not in the slightest (if she isn't, but don't lie if she is, in fact, a whale)
4. Who? I didn't see anyone
5. Arrange your funeral! (a bit of humour can go down well when faced with questions like this)

Quote from P5YcHoM4N :

5. What would you do if I died?

I carry a necrocard.

Eh that's so wrong.

Quote from nihil :

I carry a necrocard.

LMAO