Licence to Reach this End User Licence Agreement
1. Make your site easy to use
2. Put what I want to find where I can find it
3. Dont try and be 'fancy' on your web page, I can do better anyway and i'm not impressed
4. Make sure the site works, stupid security systems, captcha, and broken shopping basket systems are in breach of this Licence to Reach this End User Licence Agreement
5. Dont link downloads to external sites that require me to jump through hoops, download buttons are for downloads, not for pages that leed to downloads if I can be bothered to go through a load of crap first. I already went through your crap, I dont want to go through somebody elses site's crap. A download is a download dammit, not a link, otherwise I may aswell go to their site.
6. Dont translate this pages thereof with google translate kankerzooi you thank me for cow
7. Dont get a 7 year old to design your page layout
8. Dont get somebody in a suite to design your page layout
9. Dont tell me what browser to use or what your site works with, if it doesnt work with MY browser then i'm not going to browse your site
10. Dont host on a service that uses pop ups or ugly inline adverts, if you cant be bothered to pay a few quid for proper hosting dont fool yourself into thinking that my time is worth only 0.00001p a page view
11. Dont mask your URL's so that I cannot link to the page on your site that I want
12. Dont make Google only link to your front page so that the page I searched for has to be searched for again within your site - especially when Google powers your site search *sigh*
13. Dont make me register my email address when you dont bloody need it, just because thats the standard way of doing things
14. Dont get a domain name that I cant spell
15. Dont make me select that i'm in the UK because your company is so big you want to show how global you are. If i'm visiting your company its for your services or products, i'm going to search anyway, so dont be delluded into thinking it helps me narrow down your product range for me when your company has been producing 18 new printers in every region a year just to sell another non-standard ink cartridge.
16. Dont make me install plugins to view your home page, if I need to download and install software to view your web page I translate that as me needing not to look at your web page
17. If I order goods from you make sure you keep me informed of what the hell is going on. Writing to you in Italian/Spanish isnt easy so I dont want to chase or talk to you, I want your site to handle it for me, thats why I ordered online.
18. Keeping me informed is one thing, sending me 2 or 3 copies of each email is going too far. I understand my poor grammar in your native tongue may have made it seem like I wanted the Earth from your late-to-be-sent goods, well learn the language of business then you smart arse.
19. Dont make your pages render with error messages. Install firebug and code properly, if you cant code properly, code it simple enough so that you can
20. Dont host on a slow web server. I pay good money for a 20mbit connection I want it to work at 20mbit dammit. You skimping on your server costs is directly wasting my life and therefore - literally - killing me. If you want to remove time from my lifespan then make sure what you put on the web is damned well worth my life.
To agree to these terms simply publish a web page.