I really need some help here. I'm 18 and my girlfriend is 15. I love her very much and I know she loves me. We have been together for over a year and I plan to marry her someday. But heres my problem.

She lives a house were she is treated unfairly and I think it is mentally damaging to her. The problem is that everything her mother is doing to her is legal. There is no physical abuse but she is forced to cook and clean for her mother all the time and is rarely allowed out of the house. Her mother tells her that all the problems she has(her mother) is her fault and if she would just sit down and shut up it would all go away.

Her mother claims that she has a bunch of health problems although I think they are just an excuse for her to be lazy. She has diabetes, Diabetic retinopathy, cataracts, kidney disease, and others that I cant remember the name of. I think if she really had all these she would be bedridden in the hospital hooked up to machines to keep her alive. She says her body dosent produce everything it needs to function which is why she is always sleeping or watching tv. Although she has no problem getting up and going shopping when the time comes but she does no housework and forces it all on my gf.

She justifies the way she treats my gf by saying her mother made her do all this when she was young and its the right way to do things. She is always accused of something which is why she has no liberties. Like she isnt allowed to leave the house because if she does she is either smoking, doing drugs or having sex and normal children dont leave the house.

My girl hates it there and used to resort to self mutilation until I came along and I have helped her through alot and she no longer does it. She has no privacy. Her mom is constantly searching her room and her clothes or searching for a diary to read. Every time she tries to defend herself her mom calls child services and tells them how bad she is and then they come around while her mother plays the perfect mom role.

So my question is what can I do to get her out of that hell hole. She cant be emancipated because she needs to be able to support herself but her mother wont allow her to get a job. She cant run away because she has a medical condition that forces her to always take medication on she will die. I can try to have a legal hearing to have her moved out of an unfit home but im worried she will be sent to a foster family and we will be taken away from each other. She dosent want this either, I just want her out of there.

We seem to be stuck in a rut here and I need help to get her out of their but I dont want to lose her. Sorry for the long post just need help here.

Get a not-so broken girlfriend.

Hatch a plot to murder her mother. You could probably pay any bum on the street a hundred bucks to do it.

Hell I'll do it for nothing if you pay for my flights.

Does she have any relatives nearby that she can trust?
And I'm assuming her father is gone so she can't help from him.
And I f*cking hate those kinds of parents. Not only do they come up with lame excuses for your safety (supposedly) but they benefit from the child's powerlessness and the child can't do a thing.

And thank God that you stopped her from self-mutilation.

earn some money and move out? it's united states afterall

I don't know what the american equivalent of childline is, but whatever it is she should phone it...then phone social services, then get the hell out of there

I wouldn't rely on Social Services though - if there's no clear cut case of abuse they're not likely to do anything. And being a crap parent sadly isn't illegal. It takes a hell of a lot to get a child taken away from their mother.

At 15, isn't she entitled to free legal advice? It could be worth looking into. There is mental trauma there and definitely emotional abuse, which a court and jury would support better than social services would (I have no faith in them at all - have you noticed?).
If it's that bad, emancipation could be the best option and I'm sure she'd be entitled to some form of social security payments until she can earn enough to pay for her own stuff.
Of course there's a high risk of being forced into foster care too, but how much worse could that be? They tend to recruit local families where possible.

Incidentally, it sounds like all of the mother's problems are related. If she eats too much and gets no exercise, the diabetes is a given, which if badly controlled can cause kidney problems and various eye complications. You could always try to get the mother proven "medically incapable" of looking after her child(ren).

Take them all on Jerry Springer! He'll sort them out

Quote from f4sttr@ck :

I really need some help here. I'm 18 and my girlfriend is 15. I love her very much and I know she loves me. We have been together for over a year and I plan to marry her someday. But heres my problem.

She lives a house were she is treated unfairly and I think it is mentally damaging to her. The problem is that everything her mother is doing to her is legal. There is no physical abuse but she is forced to cook and clean for her mother all the time and is rarely allowed out of the house. Her mother tells her that all the problems she has(her mother) is her fault and if she would just sit down and shut up it would all go away.

Her mother claims that she has a bunch of health problems although I think they are just an excuse for her to be lazy. She has diabetes, Diabetic retinopathy, cataracts, kidney disease, and others that I cant remember the name of. I think if she really had all these she would be bedridden in the hospital hooked up to machines to keep her alive. She says her body dosent produce everything it needs to function which is why she is always sleeping or watching tv. Although she has no problem getting up and going shopping when the time comes but she does no housework and forces it all on my gf.

She justifies the way she treats my gf by saying her mother made her do all this when she was young and its the right way to do things. She is always accused of something which is why she has no liberties. Like she isnt allowed to leave the house because if she does she is either smoking, doing drugs or having sex and normal children dont leave the house.

My girl hates it there and used to resort to self mutilation until I came along and I have helped her through alot and she no longer does it. She has no privacy. Her mom is constantly searching her room and her clothes or searching for a diary to read. Every time she tries to defend herself her mom calls child services and tells them how bad she is and then they come around while her mother plays the perfect mom role.

So my question is what can I do to get her out of that hell hole. She cant be emancipated because she needs to be able to support herself but her mother wont allow her to get a job. She cant run away because she has a medical condition that forces her to always take medication on she will die. I can try to have a legal hearing to have her moved out of an unfit home but im worried she will be sent to a foster family and we will be taken away from each other. She dosent want this either, I just want her out of there.

We seem to be stuck in a rut here and I need help to get her out of their but I dont want to lose her. Sorry for the long post just need help here.

Sorry things seem so hard >_<

It's hard in situations like this, it feels like it's a lose-lose. Seems like your GF's Mum is just some sort of... insecure and unwell woman. She can't face what she's done to herself (or what nature has, I can't judge like that), and so the only release to that is to take it out on your girl.

As for the searching her room thing, that's just bang out of order, and it seems like she has some sort of issue with your girls personal life (maybe that is because her Mum has no happiness in her own life, and so is hell-bent on making everyone elses a misery)

As a first step, I'd ask your GF's Mum to sit down and talk. Just you and her. You seem pretty mature about things like this so I guess you'll be able to keep things calm, and say the right things.

If this doesn't work (I assume you still live with your parents), consider asking them to help. I (think, and hope tbh) that your parents (whom you live with if you live at home) could 'adopt' your GF, and be her 'guardian'.

Since your GF's Mum seems to have such a big problem with her, I couldn't understand why she'd say no. Besides, she can't actually stop you. As long as there is a legal guardian who is willing to take care of you, you cannot be forced to live with someone you don't like.

Must be said, very well done for helping your girl get through the hardships of life. Many guys would have walked away (Hello Klutch)

I think you deserve a medal my man.

Hope I helped ><

Quote from Dajmin :

You could always try to get the mother proven "medically incapable" of looking after her child(ren).

Yeah, worth a shot. Try to get some free legal advice from somewhere (Dunno if you guys have advice clinics for young people (Like 13-21) like we do in the UK

Quote from Dajmin :

I wouldn't rely on Social Services though - if there's no clear cut case of abuse they're not likely to do anything.

Don't know about the social services or laws in the USA, but from a human perspective this is a clear-cut case of abuse. Psychological abuse. Less scars, but just as damaging. Your gf should get out of there. (And her mom should get psychological help. She's probably an abuse victim herself. But that's another story.)

f4sttr@ck, get some legal advice. From a certain age, a child can decide to live on its own (or with anyone she chooses), and if that age is 16, that may be helpful. If the law gets involved, perhaps you should register the abuse that has taken place, and the consequences. For instance, a medic or psych could have a look at the scars from cutting herself. Build a file.

And you should try to talk her out of "if I leave then ma will die". I expect her mom has told her so, many times. It's emotional blackmail, and part of the abuse. Even if the lady's health was that bad, there should be other people who can help: relatives, or professional workers. Ultimately, your gf has to choose to save her mom's life, or her own.

It's not THAT BAD that she will be able to cook and clean when you two are going to get a place of your own (and that IS the only way to get her out of there if you aren't planning to leave her living in a cardboardbox in an alleyway)

Your 18 and so most likely have a job or a car - stock up on medication and then go for a holiday. For a week.

you're in the U.S. she can sue her mother

Wrong forum dude.

"Break the neck" usually fixes the issues.

Thanks for all the help so far guys. CYS, children youth services, which is the biggest child help service in the states is no help. They go there, her mom plays perfect mother role, they dont take the child seriously, then tell her how the reason her mom does what she does is her fault.

I am going to get some legal advice I'm just doing a bit of research first. As for sitting and talking with her mother, not gonna happen. She sees me as a threat that I will take my gf away from her so I'm not actually allowed to see her, not that that stops me. I lived with them for 7 months and I tried to talk to her but the biggest problem is shes very controlling. Everything done has to be approved by her and everyone has to be controlled by her.

I have thought of trying to prove her medically unfit and that seems like a way to go. And weather or not shes told my gf that if she leaves she will die, my gf could care less what happens to her and tells me on a regular bases that she wants her to die. I am worried that she will be sent to live with her uncle because she dosent like him, although there is no reason he cant take care of her. I actually think hes a decent guy just very very strict(ex-marine).

As for US laws, until 18 you are legally a minor and cant make any decisions for your self. Emancipation is a possibility but I'm not quite sure on those laws.

Making your child cook and or clean isn't necessarily child abuse.

EDIT: Oh, and if you think her mother is mentally incompetent, you can go to the court and apply for guardianship either from the state, or your GF's uncle. If he becomes the guardian, he can then find a nursing home and put her there, and then he can take custody of your GF. It's really complicated. You'll definitely need an attorney.

Quote from tristancliffe :

Take them all on Jerry Springer! He'll sort them out

You're all heart.

Quote from wheel4hummer :

Making your child cook and or clean isn't necessarily child abuse.

Making your child do its fair share of the work in the house isn't abuse. Making her do all the work, that is abuse in my book. Ever read Cinderella?

you're 18 and she's 15? You're the one in need of help :hide:

Quote from Osco :

you're 18 and she's 15? You're the one in need of help :hide:

was wondering when someone was going to say that even in the HICK country of australia thats against the law

That's not very fair. I was in that situation myself back when I was 18. I met her through school friends and by the time I found out her age I was already crazy in love. She was mature for her years though, I think that was why I thought she was older.

Quote from Osco :

you're 18 and she's 15? You're the one in need of help :hide:

That kind of logic is flawed. That's a 3 year age gap. Just think about your parents age differences? In most cases (at least around here), the age difference is between 5-8 years. Additionally, it's not "illegal" for him, unless he has intercourse with her.

Some people have very messed up logic.

I don't believe it is illegal for an 18 year old to date a 15 year old? It might illegal to have sexual relations with that person, but not to simply date/hold hands/cuddle etc.

I still think Jerry is the man you need though

Tristan... I think you might be the one of the only level-headed people in this thread.

Sorry I canot say anything to help, but my best suggestion would be to try talking to all parts of the situation. The only way to solve something like this is to understand the other part(s). However, it's not guranteed the other part will listen on what you think

Hard situation mate, hope you sort it.