Here it is all comments accepted. I know its short but I will update when possible.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=6630757492927197633

Not a bad first try. Try to use more varied and custom cameras and reduce your shot length (5-8 secs max). Music wasn't to my taste but it's precisely that- taste. Also, try to acquire a copy of Sony Vegas or Adobe Premiere. Vegas is more enjoyable and easier to use and has pretty much the same power as Premiere.