Quote from 5haz :

Unfortunately for Die, I like MC hammer, what I do not like however, is that bleedin Trabant that just passed me blasting out rick Astley!

I put my foot down and begin to close, all the while keeping the leaders in sight, keeping an eye out for Haruna and Die, who are fighting close behind.

I pull the tigger for the bowning 303s, and tracers rip through the air towards the speeding Trabant. I also activate the W.O.M.Distraction Floodlights, and flip them on and off repeatedly.

AIRIO tells me that I had a good sector 2!

I then hack into the 5-track and put on a collection of...Hindu rap songs. Then I drop into formation and hook the Trabant up to the side of the car and store it in a makeshift hangar, after hitting the throttle again.

I launch two Sidewinders at the air target and ponder a career as a flyboy, then start playing the Crazy Frog at 180db through external speakers. I think I just made myself a target?

My targeting radar shows there's danger in the road...soo.....I activate warp drive, and warp to the lead.

I promptly launch a load of missiles at the tractor for good measure

after extricating myself and Zapp from the prize sycamore we crashed into, we struggle to catch up with the rear of the pack only to be met with a hail of minigun shell casings

with an expert shot, I hurl a rock at the Lamborghini Tractor's windscreen breaking it and Billy May's face

Haruna turns off the rear blasters and stops laying down micro mines after realising there is nobody behind him within his range. He switches to missile pods mode and uses a barrage of 30 homing missiles to destroy the WOMDistraction Floodlights.

I track the missiles heading to the tractor and then stop at a pub for lunch

Drat, I managed to get a few hits on the Trabant, but Team Fang got ahead of me and protected it, I put my foot down to keep up, the SD1 is going quite a bit quicker than we designed for, but is doing well.

Lets turn off the 5 track player for a while in the hope that Team Fang will stop hacking it.

Whats this! dozens of rotten eggs splatter on the winscreen, yuck! but nothing the windscreen wipers and washers cant fix, luckily I have Kevlar reinforced tyres and So the nails do little to stop me.

with an expert bit of driving through an orchard, Zapp navigates the behemoth into the middle of the pack and the engine promptly expires, leaving a massive oil slick all over the road.

Fearing for our safety, I convert the barbecue into a snipers nest and get ready to fire

I come out of the pub and keep driving, happy now I've eaten, I laugh as 5haz gets splatted in eggs then dodge the oil slick and open fire on Zapp again before ramming the BBQ/sniper's nest in the rear panel, All the while singing "Born to be Wild". While targeting the bike and the SD1. Those two are going down...hopefully.

Then...I notice a problem. Warp core breach?! Oh crap!

Die has pulled over at the local pub it seems, and so I push onwards without fear of attack from him, however I can see a tractor closing fast in my mirrors, time to arm the flamethrower again it seems.

The 5 track player is back on, this time something rather apropriate for the occasion; 'Highway Star' by Deep Purple.

Notes Team Fang are in the mirrors again, behind the Lambo tractor.

AIRIO warns me with the message 'To stay in the race, you must move forwards faster', and threatens to kick me, so I put my foot down sharpish.

I realise I need to take a leak and see Die's car in a Pub's car park, I park up next to his car and piss into his gas tank, I throw in a couple of tampons that I find in his glove box too.

I turbo boost over everyone into the lead and switch to attack mode.

the 'super tough bulletproof metal' that the seller claimed the RV was covered in turns out to be chipboard and aluminium foil coated in varnish, and promptly cracks and breaks

I can only hope the entire RV isn't made of the same stuff, and it is at this point I put a foot through the skylight before sniping the tyres of whoever tries to pass by my self-inflicted oil slick

Haruna makes sure that the tractor isn't the only thing in 5haz's mirrors, and in fact is actually right behind the tractor. He activates the EMP, which disables pretty much everyone's engine, including his own. Haruna uses the opportunity to enjoy the taiyaki that he stored in the storage area.

(I'm out of the pub! :P)

I floor the throttle and pull up next to 5haz and roll down the window...

"Want a pint? I got some here for ya!"

I then empty the gas tank over the road and run on the jet engine alone till I can fuel up.

My engine is not affected by the bike's EMP, and my ECM pod starts jammng the bike's control and sticking the throttle wide open.

"<expletive deleted>!!!!!"

Haruna swallows the taiyaki whole, nearly choking on it. He's lost his temper and decides to aim the OSL SHOT right at Die's car...

and decides not to fire it. His weapons system goes insane in the process, and is now firing away randomly between missiles, flash mortars, bouncing bright blue mines, the Lucky Star opening, and minigun rounds. Since the throttle is jammed wide open, Haruna manages to fly past Die's car with no efforts.

with his engine already ruined, in some sort of paradoxical way the EMP blast makes the engine start up again, and the RV is back in the race, with Zapp throwing a burnt burger at Haruna as he passes

I simply drive away from the shot, hoping my warp core won't blow up...

















I wind up behind Luke and KITT, I then JATO ram them up teh rear

Oh, and I EMP the RV again for good measure

Damn you DieK!

with me and Zapp reduced to waving cooking utensils at the opposition, I curse him for connecting the dual machine guns mounted on the front to the engine

Thanks to the EMP shielding I stole from Air Force 1, I am unaffected by the EMP blast and decide to use the effect fans to do some 2 wheeling and moon out of the canopy while passing Haruna.

I turn and smirk, bump-starting the RV by way of a ram then give it a roasting with the afterburner

The EMP blast fixed the warp core but killed the sound, I'm now listening to Radio 4. Damn you! -shakes my fist-

Luckily for me Haruna's EMP blast does not effect me, as I have mechanical ignition distribution through a Magneto, what isnt good however is that my car's lovely paintwork just got covered in a gas tank full of piss and tampons.

The EMP also caused my 5 track player to switch to Morrisey.

Currently Level pegging with Team Fang, the tractor and Haruna have dropped back due to the EMP, ahead is LineR32, I am closing in on both albeit slowly.

Die dealt with Sam and KITT fairly easily, now I also have the RV looming large in my mirrors

now is a bad time to realise both the front and back panels of the RV are made of wood coated in varnish, and the front catches fire. Luckily I have a fire extinguisher in the shape of Zapp who beats out the flames with his uniform and chucks blazing chipboard at DieK and 5haz as they pass




(as a side note - this is very good fun...but will probably result in either a massive argument or a total breakdown of communication and a thread full of spam)

I give the SD1 a hard sideswipe and then ram it several more times for good measure hoping to run it off the road

I then hack into the lights and turn the hazards on, draining the SD1's battery

While trailing behind the rest of the pack, Haruna begins to feel sleepy. He sees a girl with a winged backpack flying above him, and he begins to think he's hallucinating. That's not a good thing considering that same girl is also carrying a bomb...

Zapp also sees the girl, and being the virile male that he is decides to abandon the progress we've made in the race and tries to chat up the girl