Hooray! you've just discovered that a celebrity has died! But what's that? You don't know what to do next? Well you're in luck, cos what follows is a handy step by step guide on how to handle the death of a celebrity...
STEP ONE: Find a computer. Any will do, so long as it can connect to the world wide web.
STEP TWO: Log onto your favourite internet forum and check nobody else has broken the news yet.
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Hooray! The first important step is complete. But you have to act fast!
STEP THREE: Using the forum's search facility, find out if the celebrity has ever been mentioned in the forum before? No, he hasn't? Don't let that put you off, just because nobody had an opinion when they were alive doesn't meant they won't want to talk about them now they're dead.
STEP FOUR: This one is crucial. Every second that passes by, someone else could be breaking the news. Now is the time act. Post the story. Don't worry if you have no further information just yet. Just get that topic up there! It's going to be your name next to the subject title, and people will remember how "on the ball" you were in years to come.
STEP FIVE: Now you've staked your claim, if you so wish you can take time to look further into the story. Use a search engine such as google to see which websites are reporting the story. Then use the copy and paste tool to edit your post and add the bones to your story.
STEP SIX: Sit back and enjoy the responses as they come flooding in. Make a fun game out of it if you wish. Award yourself points every time someone uses a phrase such as "well, I was never a fan myself but..." or "so what!? millions of people die eve...".
Congratulations, you are now a fully qualified Bringer Of Grief. Keep up the good work!