fap fap fap (what is fap?)
me earlier in the day: hey me and bethany are trying to plan another double tomorrow night, me you david her...interested?
me: did you think about that..?
(i call her and leave a message saying how i wanna hear what has been up, kinda worried)
her: what?
me: idk you really seem to be acting strange...idk if its in my head but whats on your mind
her: nothing
me: well you seem to honestly not be tellimg me something on your mind...are you sure its nothing; you can tell me anything...your really worrying me
me: relationships need communication...i literally have no idea whats going on, any hint would be great...me and bethany are trying to set up something tomorrow night, can that possibly work?
her: Why dont u hang with one of ur Girl friends ?
me: if you think im cheating i PROMISE im not...im not like that at all. ask any one of my friends. if you have a problem with me going everywhere all the time please let me know...if there is anyone you really dont like who i hang out with i can try to figure out how to make you happen (meant happy)...i dont wanna have you feeling like second best to anyone. you are the first in my books :/
me: like i promise, i could absolutely never cheat...you really mean way too much to me. please lets talk about this. i need to make it right :/
her: k
me: Where are you tonight, any way for a face to face talk...? i really have to set this straight....il literally do anything to prove to you...you have this wrong and im hating myself for letting you think that at all
her: im with friends sorry
me: I really need to straighten this out....like this is killing me and its sooo incorrect
her: Well I'm in Salem so no
me:When will you be anywhere else? Il drive anywhere
her: chris no
me: what do you mean by no
her: I'm with friends tonight. I'm not meeting with u
me:I know not tonight but this is important....
her: alright
me: When? I dont want to wait any longer than absolutely nessesary
her: i dont know
me: tomorrow morning possible at all?
her: no
me: Tomorrow night? Before you go to bethany's or something? Il take anything
her: im not going to bethany's?
me: Me and her were trying to plan tomorrow night me you her david...i thought she talked to you
her: no she didn't
me: Oh...can tomorrow night please work...il do anything for it to, this is really important to me
her: I don't know. Someone else asked me to hangout
me: I can work around anything at all
her: Someone else asked me to hang out with them .
me: Can i before or after that?
her: I'm sleeping over someone's house
me: When you going over there?
her: 11
me: Can i please talk to you before then?
her: there is no possible way
me: Can they possibly agree to letting me see you for a few minutes...i think they can understand this situation
her: no
me: Give me something to work with...please
her: i cant tomorrow
me: sunday?
her: I DONT KNOW
me: Please please try. Or at least tell me your concerns...this hurts to hear; i wish i knew you were having thoughts
her: alright
me: Why do you think im cheating?
her: im not talking about this now
me: Your worrying me so much even though at this point u doubt you care...this is the worst thing imaginable
her: whatever
me (an hour and a bit later): This is really freaking me out. Please understand that im loyal to you no matter what and will do anything to prove it to you. When we sit down and talk i will prove to you that this is all a big mis-understanding. This has not been able to slip my mind; i hope we can talk soon, goodnight
start to think and stop caring a bit, but still think its worth a shot (what has a better shot at anything, a gf for almost 5 months, or a random girl i try to get with)
me: *trying to talk in person 3 times but she is busy each time....*
arguements bla bla
her: *complaints about everone saying how much they hang out with me, and miss me love me etc on facebook 'sometimes with pictures'*
her: "i need to think about this"
her: "i think we need to talk"
me: "i agree"
her: "yeah...." (lol)
me: "in person? over text?"
her: "over text"
me: "ok whats on your mind"
her: "do you think this is working out"
me: "not really but i want it to"
*not important, so the gist is im inviting her to break up with me, literally suggesting it if she thinks its really the best, but the best she comes up with is another 'i need to think about all of this'*
saturday night, 2 days after above (went out to eat with co-workers that night)
her: have a good time at the chinese restaurant? [:)]
me: yeah it was alright, how was your day?
her: ooh fantastic!
me: first day graduated....luucckkkyyyy
what did ya do?
her: nothing
me: at all?
her: but i bet u had a fun day with those three girls!
me: they were co workers, nothing more
her: of course!
me: i really dont want to argue over this...one is 20 and the other 2 have boyfriends
me: i offered changing who i hang out with, who i talk to, and literally anything you want until you trust me again...im really trying
her: but u never actually changed.
me: i diddnt know how you wanted me to specifically...i diddnt know what parts of my life made you uneasy
me: im still very willing...i want your trust; i want to salvage anything i can
her: so u didnt know how t change the fact that i thoght u were hanging out with so many girls, and so u continued to hang out with more girls....?
me: you said it was facebook, my gut said it was me hanging out with too many, talking to them is probably contributing...i diddnt know where to start honestly
her: okay
me: are you willing to try to help me help this relationship...you have to understand how hard i am trying even if you dont see it from the angle your looking [:/]
her: i dont know
me: alright, how can i help you trust me a bit more...thats kinda all i want at this point
her: you earn trust ur not just granted it
me: i know, but what dont you like seeing me doing
me: what makes you doubt what i say
her: huh?
me: like the reason i diddnt change is because i diddnt know where to change....what do you want me to change
me: please, i really wanna try to help make this work
her: why do u even care?
me: do you want the real answer or the answer that is expected
her: real answer obviously.
me: i care because i like you...i really do. i care about you, the relationship, how you feel about me. despite not being able to make you happy sometimes, alot recently, i want to try to make this work.
me: im not perfect, nobody is, i just seem to make my flaws work perfectly against me when i need them to not be there the most
her: and what was he obvious answer?
me: "because i feel bad for all of this"
me: are you going to help me figure out how i can help this?
(okay you caught me, still have feelings [not as strong as stated, but figured i could jump start it], but if we go out again its not going to be a relationship where nothing happens, its going to be a fun one)
today: (a few days later, about 2)
im at work..
her: "okay ....i dont think this is gonna work"
me: "sorry work, and i kinda saw that coming for the past week"
her: "i just dont know what else to do"
me: "im at work we will talk and figure out what the best is later"
her: "alright"
later...
her: "i really dont think it will work out"
me: "do you think we could talk it out and try again or do you really just have no feelings for me any more"
her: "i really dont think it will work....im sorry" (i get it, answer the question....)
me: "so no feelings for me? its no problem, you deserve to be happy and you have to do what you think is right...but if you do have feelings than we can try to salvage"
her: "i dont think it will work ." (I GET IT BUT ANSWER THE QUESTION)
me: "ok i get that, so were done? thats all im trying to figure out...cause we can talk about it trying to figure stuff out if you have any feelings, if not just tell me.
i understand you dont think it will work but we can talk if you feel something for me, thats what im trying to say"
(me again cause she is taking too long and i wanna either stay in a relationship on fb or end it, so im not stuck in a relationship with nobody)
"i can take it...if you have no feelings for me tell me...if you do something might be able to be fixed"
her: "its not worth it...im leaving in 2 months and i dont think it will work"
me: "well i mean those 2 months could be great but only if you feel anything...if not i get it, but if we share some of the same feelings why not?"
her: "please....i dont think it worth it im sorry"
me: "its ok"