Ok, I have to write an essay atleast 2 pages about what my job is gonna be, I want to be a mechanic and so far this is what I have, any suggestions please to add. This is a true story, my uncle had a V8 impala, and that made me trully know about cars being my life!
The intro has to be an anecdote, that means pulls in the reader, thats why I choose to tell a sort of story.
At the age of three, smelling burning rubber of a freshly made burnout, a young child is turn into a “car nut”. Many call it a disease, but others call it “life as we know it”. This child, hearing the low thunderous roar of a v8 engine, had now known what his life had meant. He knew cars were his future. A mechanic, he works on cars and sometimes makes them faster. This sounds like the perfect job for this child.
So, this boy is interested in a field with automobiles. He thinks he has the skills, but to his dismay, a trip to a vocational school and a certification is his best bet at getting the job. He is not interested in furthering his school career. He has ambitions of owning his own shop, customizing and fixing cars.
Hmmmm, that sounds rubbish. Don't bother with poorly written anecdotes - if you can't write properly they won't come across well. By all means 'set the scene', but don't rely on 6 year old 'humour' to do it. Leave out the bit about disease or life as we know it, don't use burning and burnout in the same paragraph, check spelling more frequently. It sounds like you want to work in a field, rather than the field of automobiles, which are rather different.
And owning your own shop, customising and fixing cars, will require some form of schooling and education if you are going to do it well (although experience is just as important, don't get me wrong).
I know it's not a job application, but you just sound like an idiot writing like that, and it comes across that working on cars should be the last thing you attempt.
The teacher said it had to be an anecdote..But yes I want to eventully own a shop, after many years of working for shops, and under people. I do relize it requires schooling, in the body ill explain cars mean enough to me to make me go to school..Anything i missed?
And its my first choice not simply something ill settle to do, I LOVE CARS!
Now he is saying that he doesn't want to be forced to live the life he thought would be all glory while he was a teen... Not anything about fads or anything of the such... He's got a point, do this for your assignment but make sure you don't end up following it forever just because thats what you always wanted to do at that time in your life, be it because of fads or what you actually wanted.
I may have got lucky with what I choose to do from a teen, but probably not. Since I want racing to be closer to my life I may go back to school for Mechanical Engineering, as its something I've always wanted. But for now I am content making games as thats something I've wanted and enjoyed. I still enjoy it on most days but any hobby as a job is less fun than as a hobby alone. I simply mean that I will constantly reevaluate my decisions forever!
Lots of people like cars. Very few of them are intelligent enough, schooled enough, dedicated enough and technical enough to make any sort of living out of it. Unless your idea of working on cars is as a fitter in a fast fit or main dealer - the sort of job a monkey could do, in the main part.
My idea of it is long days and nights, Working on figuring with logic on fixing a problem that has happened on a auto..Aswell I am willing to take the time and effort to make myself good enough to work on cars.
Update:
At the age of three, smelling rubber of a freshly made burnout, a young child is turn into a “car nut”. May I call it a passion, but this child, hearing the low thunderous roar of a v8 engine, had now known what his life had meant. He knew cars were his future. A mechanic, he works on cars and sometimes makes them faster. This sounds like the perfect job for this child.
So, this boy is interested in a field with automobiles. He thinks he has the skills, but to his dismay, a trip to a vocational school and a certification is the best option at getting the job. He is not interested in furthering his school career, but his ambitions of owning a shop, customizing and fixing cars has led him on a path of successful ventures into the automotive industry. He has chosen to follow this dream and go to a vocational school to further his chances.
Tons of people wanna make video games, because they think its a simple task of playing games all day.... Thats no where near the thought I ever put into it, and I think you should appreciate people trying for something rather than nothing. About 70% of people in my starting class for my game development degree went on to other things; because they were into it because of the fad. So whether someone has an urge to do something good they want is to be appreciated and supported... even if it is what every other teen wants. It could *actually* be something he really wants to do and will put the effort into. This is nothing against you Tristancliffe, I just want to keep his spirits up because if thats what he wants, great!
I believe in people because hardly anybody believed in me.
Well, your writing is pretty atrocious all around, but I'm sure you're aware of that and it's something we can work on.
Let's do this sentence by sentence (additions in bold, deletions in italicized brackets)...
The third person perspective here is pretty awkward. Why not just go for the clearer, more conversational first person? But aside from that...
"At the age of three, smelling the acrid rubber from a fresh[ly made] burnout, a young child is turned into a “car nut”."
Who are you asking with the "May I"? Furthermore, the second clause ("but this child") doesn't logically follow on the first. The tense in the fourth clause is clumsy, too. And the entire sentence is structured badly. Let's try this:
"[May I call it a passion] butThis child, hearing the low and thunderous roar of a v8 engine, [had now known what his life had meant] has a vision of his future."
Covered above, so lose it.
How about...
"As a mechanic, he will work[s] on cars [and sometimes]to make[s] them faster."
This is filler, so lose it.
"a field with automobiles" sounds like this:
But this is also filler. What you really need here is something to build upon the idea of the kid working on cars to make them faster, so something like:
"He will spend hours at a time examining parts, consulting manuals, and working under dirty oil pans to find that extra tenth of a second."
Ok, so you hate school. Not exactly the best sentiment to put in a paper, especially one about achieving your goals.
But the real problem here is logic. How does this "child" think he has "the skills" to become a mechanic? What age is the child, that he's thinking about vocational school? It's all pretty unclear. Until you have a better grasp of your narrative voice, it might be better to skip this part and just cut to something like:
"[He thinks he has the skills, but to his dismay, a trip to]For this child, getting a degree from a vocational school and securing a professional certification is the best [option at]route to getting the job."
Again, ditch the anti-school stuff. It won't impress your teacher and it's clunky.
"[He is not interested in furthering his school career, but]At the end of this long road he sees his ambitions of owning a shop, customizing and fixing cars realized. With a little hard work, he can set himself on the path of successful ventures within the automotive industry."
You've got a kid envisioning his future from a young age, so you want to come back to this here. Try something like:
"Looking ahead, the child [He has chosen]makes the choice to follow this dream. After high school, he will[and] go to a vocational school [to further his chances] and realize his dream."
That's the best I could do without straying any more dramatically, textually or thematically, from what you've already written. The real problem here (aside from the obvious) is that what you've written isn't an anecdote (mostly). Did all of this really happen to you? That's not the impression I get from it--it seems mostly like a hypothetical.
You'd be a lot better served in the context of this assignment by writing it in the simple first person narrative sense.
"I was six years old, and the sound and smells coming from my uncle's Impala as he performed a burnout awakened something deep within me." etc etc.
I am Extremly bad at spelling, so it helps word has a ABC check, plus DWB Is a great great Help!
Update:
At the age of three, smelling the rubber from a fresh burnout, a young child is turned into a “car nut”. This child, hearing the low and thunderous roar of a v8 engine, has a vision of his future. As a mechanic, he will work on cars to make them faster. He will spend hours at a time examining parts, consulting manuals, and working under dirty oil pans to find that extra tenth of a second.
For this child, getting a degree from a vocational school and securing a professional certification is the best route to getting the job. At the end of this long road he sees his ambitions of owning a shop, customizing and fixing cars realized. With a little hard work, he can set himself on the path of successful ventures within the automotive industry. Looking ahead, the child makes the choice to follow this dream. After high school, he will go to a vocational school and realize his dream.
That's exactly what I was thinking. His writing skills are at like a 12 year old level. I consistently fail English class, but I'd like to think that I'm pretty good at writing.
