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The bad jokes thread
(1536 posts, started )
Quote from DieKolkrabe :Bush, Cheney and Rice were in an airplane that was crashing.

WRONG. The better version of the joke goes as follows:

Bill Clinton, George Bush and John Kerry are in an aeroplane flying over an African country.

Bill throws out a $10 bill and says "I just saved a family."
George throws out $100 bill and says "I just saved TEN familes!"
Kerry throws George out of the plane and says "I just saved THE WORLD!"

Quote from JamesF1 :WRONG. The better version of the joke goes as follows:

Bill Clinton, George Bush and John Kerry are in an aeroplane flying over an African country.

Bill throws out a $10 bill and says "I just saved a family."
George throws out $100 bill and says "I just saved TEN familes!"
Kerry throws George out of the plane and says "I just saved THE WORLD!"


That's another version, there's quite a number of versions. But I found mine on teh intertubes...

O/T: Anyone know who has/had the 'Bombing for peace is like...' sig line?
Quote from DieKolkrabe :O/T: Anyone know who has/had the 'Bombing for peace is like...' sig line?

Yes, someone did a while ago. Don't know who it was. Might have been the guy whose avatar is a car parked in a field
Quote from zeugnimod :Time for a new oval thread?

This is SUCK! I want more ovals THIS IS SUCK!!!11eleventyone!1

Well, that's what I think is going to happen
why did hitler commit suicide?
He got his gas bill

what dont you want to call a black person, beginning in a N and ending in a R ?
Neighbour

im probably going to get banned for this
Quote from Rdcranno :what dont you want to call a black person, beginning in a N and ending in a R ?
Neighbour

I did laugh.
A few cop jokes:

A guys is pulled over by an officer,

Officer: Have you been drinking?
Driver: No....
Officer: let me see your licence.
Driver: I cant get my licence unless you hold my beer! (ohh, crap!)

_____________________________________________________________
Say these things to cops if you're pulled over....

Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on cops?
Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job.
I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other cars around, that's how far they are ahead of me.
Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum.
Quote from russianfire768768 :A few cop jokes:

A guys is pulled over by an officer,

Officer: Have you been drinking?
Driver: No....
Officer: let me see your licence.
Driver: I cant get my licence unless you hold my beer! (ohh, crap!)

_____________________________________________________________
Say these things to cops if you're pulled over....

Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on cops?
Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job.
I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other cars around, that's how far they are ahead of me.
Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum.

Few more:

A woman got pulled over for speeding by a CHP officer. When the cop walked up to her window and opened his ticket book, she said 'I bet you're gonna sell me a ticket to the CHP Ball?'

The cop replied 'No Ma'am. Policemen don't have balls'. Then silence ensued as the cop realised what he'd said. He smiled, and got back on his bike and rode off.

^ From Snopes.com.

Things That Sound Dirty In Law But Aren't:

* "Have you looked through her briefs?"

* "He is one hard judge!"

* "Counselor, let's do it in chambers."

* "His attorney withdrew at the last minute."

* "Is it a penal offense?"

* "Better leave the handcuffs on."

* "For $200.00 an hour, she better be good!"

* "Can you get him to drop his suit?"

* "The judge gave her the stiffest one he could."

* "Think you can get me off?"
Quote from mickyc30 :right.... linky!

Sir Crazy Fool for you, son!

I thought it was funny that Google suggested 'asdasdfasdf' instead of 'asdasdasdfgh'.

Meh
An Englishman, a Pakistani and a Chinaman walk into a bar.



What a beautiful example of racial integration.
From Comedy Central "Joke of the Day" google plugin:

A woman and a baby were in the doctor’s examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in.

The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight and found it somewhat below normal. The doctor asked if the baby was breast fed or bottle fed.

“Breast fed,” the woman replied.

“Well, strip down to your waist,” the doctor asked. She did. He pressed, kneaded, rolled, cupped, and pinched both breasts in a detailed, rigorously thorough examination.

Motioning for her to get dressed he said, “No wonder this baby is under weight! You don’t have any milk.”

“I know,” she said, “I’m his grandmother, but I’m glad I came.”




Two bats are going for their midnight feed.

After an hour or so, one bat gets tired of looking and goes home with no blood.

The other bat comes home with blood dripping from its mouth. The first bat says enviously, "Where did you get all that blood from?"

The second bat replies, "Follow me. I`ll show you."

After awhile the second bat leads them to a cave. He says, "You see that wall over there?"

The hungry bat excitedly says, "Yes!"

Other bat says, "I didn't."
There was an Englishman, an Irishman and a Scottishman and they were about to jump in a swimming pool.
Suddenly a Genie pops up infront of them and says, "Whatever you say when you jump in the swimming pool, you will land in".
The Scotsman jumps and shouts "Beer!" and he lands in beer.
The Englishman jumps and shouts "Whiskey!" and he lands in whiskey.
The Irishman trips over and shouts "Shit!"...


Two dyslexic blokes go to view a house. As their walking through the house, one of them says to the other, "Can you smell gas?"
The other replies, "Don't be stupid I can't even smell my own name".
Quote from beefyman666 :Two dyslexic blokes go to view a house. As their walking through the house, one of them says to the other, "Can you smell gas?"
The other replies, "Don't be stupid I can't even smell my own name".

lol!!

A man sits down at a restaurant and looks at the menu. He tells the waiter "I think I will have the turtle soup". The waiter leaves, but the man changes his mind to pea soup. He yells to the waiter "Hold the turtle, make it pea".
One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's birthday.



He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the sales person, 'How much for one of those Barbie's in the display window?'



The salesperson answers, 'Which one do you mean, Sir?



We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach

Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95,

Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95'.



The amazed father asks: 'It's what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?'



The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: 'Sir...,

Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken' s Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's

Furniture, Ken's Computer, one of Ken's Friends, and a key chain made

with Ken's balls.
Knock knock.
who's there?
doctor
doctor who?
actually it's just the doctor.

knock knock
who's there?
the
the who?
ain't you ever heard of us?
Quote from Luke.S :
knock knock
who's there?
the
the who?
ain't you ever heard of us?

Thats definately funny i laughed ^^

ok heres mine, got it from bawbag

What do you call: 300 White men chasing one Black man?
- PGA Tour

What do you call: 300 Black men and one White man?
- NBA
Quote from baSh0r :

What do you call: 300 Black men chasing one White man?
- NBA

i dont get it
i dont get it too, fock stupid joke

What do you call: 300 Black men and one White man?

might be better but still not too funny
Charlie walked into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and
said, 'Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache.'


His wife, who was lying in bed, replied, 'I think you'll find that's a sheep you idiot.'


The man said, 'I think you'll find that I wasn't talking to you!'
Quote from th84 :Charlie walked into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and
said, 'Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache.'


His wife, who was lying in bed, replied, 'I think you'll find that's a sheep you idiot.'


The man said, 'I think you'll find that I wasn't talking to you!'

:ices_rofl

The bad jokes thread
(1536 posts, started )
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