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I decided to make this thread because I'm feeling quite emo at the moment. Maybe some of yew guys can help me get my head back on straight.. spare the ****ish comments, please. I'd rather you said nothing. I don't need it. I need help and support, I don't care if it's not on my side, but whatever the problem is, I need some help sorting it out.

Not to mention a general lack of money, which I guess is inevitable, I'm feeling pretty shit on a personal level. A rather un-easy ending of the relationship between my ex GF and myself have me down, and for some time. We've been living our own lives for the last month or so, but it eats me up every day. We don't talk anymore and I can't even look at a picture of her, or listen to any of the songs that we liked.

Secondly, things are pretty shit at home. My Mother and I haven't ever really gotten on, we just don't mesh, but normally it's a bearable relationship, but as of late everything has gone haywired. Some of you may know I was, basically, made redundant from a previous job. For the last couple of months I've been giving up 18 hours a week for a measly £30 a week, + an odd £5 bonus for 'good behaviour' and maybe £5 to cover 45 miles of riding. I have insurance to pay and other bits that I want/need, money to go out with and generally enjoy life.

To be told by my Mother (who herself doesn't work, she's disabled but that's not really an excuse) that I should go out and get a job, even when there are actually none about in my area (I've resorted to applying at Burger King, perish the thought...) to buy my own food (even when she's told me it's "very hard to get a job nowadays), because I'm no fan of micro-meals. (I say "well why don't you spend the £1.99 on something I'd actually eat.. and then that's when she goes on about get a job yourself.)

I was washing my bike and lost my temper with her rather unfair comments, so in my anger as I bolted out the garage door, spilt half of my bucket of water on the floor. I refused to clean it up unless she appologised for her bitchy comments. She refused, so I did as well.

Yesterday, I rang my Dad (who I normally get on pretty well with) because he was paying for the fitting a component to my bike, and asked if he'd call me back. He said "Yes in a minute". For 45 minutes I made the chap at the dealer wait before my Dad rang me back. Eventually, he did. I could tell he was in a mood, he got angry at the man at the dealer and then turned on me. In my absence, my Mother had decided to call my Dad and complain about my 'behaviour'. He threatend to cancel my insurance direct debit (which I'm paying him for anyway, he never helps me with money anyway). I'm at the point where, honestly, I couldn't care.

Mainly, this was because I once walked upstairs in my boots and some oil went onto the carpet (This was some time ago), and just that morning I had to run back upstairs to get my key. I had my helmet, gloves and boots on and I didn't feel like taking all 3 off, so I quickly ran upstairs (and my boots were clean, I used chain-cleaner and WD-40 to remove any oil from the sole the first time it happened). My Mother bolted out of her room to only bitch at me. I told her to **** off and went off to my crappy training course. I wasn't in a good mood.

Anyway, the thing that annoys me is that everything I do, my mother has to interfere in someway. She always checks up on what I'm doing, always has to know. Example, I went to have a piss at 1.30am (I'm normally up that time on a weekend/weekday where I don't have to get up in the morning), and she came out of her room and was like "What are you doing". She knows damn well that it's me (her excuse was that she was seeing if it was someone else) and then to get angry at me when I tell her to mind her own. I don't check up on her, I don't expect nor want the same from her. If it's of any difference, I have 3 older sisters, all of them in their 20's or 30's. I'm the only "son" that my Mum's had and even she'd admitted when I was a newborn baby, that she wanted another girl and "I had to accept that it was a boy", as I overhead on the phone.

I've told her that it annoys me, many-a-times, and yet she never listens. She interferes in what I'm doing and then I get angry, so I end up taking it out on her. She moves my paperwork (I lost my paper driving licene, MOT and proof of insurance for 3 days because SHE moved it without telling me) about at her own will and never tells me where she moves it to. I'm running about looking for paperwork only for According to her, I bully her. Which is bull, frankly. Most of this last week I've been over my freinds house till 8 or 9pm, then as soon as I get home I just lock myself in my room.

All she does is watch the Jeremy Kyle show all day while making cards for people, with a ciggarrette break inbetween episodes (she says she can't afford to pay the bills but I found 120 cigarrettes stuffed in a kitchen cupboard while looking for a pair of Scissors...).

What pisses me off about her is how she just bullshits everything. She used to swear to me alot when I was younger (13-15), and now when I say something, she has to spell it out and act like she never says any of those things. It just really annoys me, because everyone believes her because she's rather posh in her talking. She also once said to me, sometime last year, that I was "a disgrace as a son". She strongly denies saying this, infact she denies everything I said that she said. And everyone believes her. So there's no use talking to any of my family. All of my sisters hate me because of the shit she's told them. My Mum plays everything out, makes a big fuss of everything when she's on the phone to them. Like one of our neighbours is buying our Kitchen Table, and I said that if she (my Mum) rang me I'd take an early lunch and come back to help carry it across. She was on the phone at the time, but I didn't shout over her conversation, nor was I overtly obvious. She does it to me all the time, I manage both conversations. But not her. "JAMIE CAN'T YOU SEE I AM ON THE PHONE, HOW RUDE". And I was trying to help. My sister says something, and my Mum goes "Oh this isn't the half of it".

I don't have a family any more.

Now, I know that it's not all her fault, and I'm not saying it is. As some of you may notice, I become quite rude and insensitive. I'm not rude in person, at least to people I meet out and about, or my freinds, but I'll admit I'm insensitive. I don't care much for alot of things, like nature, people I don't "know". (That's not to say I wouldn't help a person I met in the street, but if they died don't expect me to attend their funeral..)

But anyway, I'm quite happy to accept some of the blame. As with most things, it's probably 50/50. Sometimes I bite at her, and other times, her constant watch gets me going. The constant "omg you have got oil on the garage door", (even though I've shown her that it'll all come off with some WD-40 without a problem..) She refuses to take any blame, and says it's all my fault. She plans to find me a flat or something (don't know how, I can't afford to pay it and she can't either) and I have a feeling after this, my Dad won't be all that accomodating anyway.

I know all of these issues are pretty silly. But it really annoys me because I can't get any peace anywhere. It's nearly always constant bickering and what not.

I'm completly different with freinds/work colleauges than I am with my parents. I don't open up at all to my Mum, and while I'm more open with my Dad, I wouldn't talk to him about a personal problem, and neither of them know about my GF. (nor do I want them to) It seems that, for a reason I don't understand, I care more about stuff when I'm away from home (i.e at my work placement)

My Dad is like a really good mate, not like a "Dad", if you know what I mean.

My Mum is like a.. well.. a mother. And a knat. Annoying and always there.

Is it wrong to say you don't love your Mum? Because I don't. Then again, I don't really love anyone anymore.

Sorry for the immense wall of text. I just needed to let it out..

(I'm 17 btw, I live with my Mum, parents divorced when I was 6).

No need to apologize, that's what an off-topic forum is for! I feel ya man, sounds like you're havin it pretty hard right now. Hopefully things will shape up for ya...

You forgot to mention how old you are. How old are you?

And have you always had a fractious relationship with your parents or when did it start?

I'm 17 Kev.

Sorry, see above again.

First things first....i hope you feel slightly better for the rant....no matter how you sound off you always feel slightly better for it.

Secondly, seriously look into getting another job/apprenticeship if possible, you could probably get the same money doing a sodding paper round. Even if it's temporary there is no shame in working in a Burger king/Tesco's etc etc if it's to get some dosh (I really wish kids would get away from this snobbery they have about certain job types)

Thirdly.....bite the tounge with the mother. Not easy i know, but I had the same thing with the old man while I was with the folks after i split with the GF, and while it never always worked, it helped if i just bit my tounge a bit before mothing off.

Fourthly look into flat sharing with mates if it' an option (or especially if it's going to be to expensive to go on you're own). You're relationship with the folks will mnost likely improve if you're not always under each others feet

Also remember being the youngest and only male sibling in the family, you're unfortunately going to be treated differently (rightly or wrongly) and if you have done something wrong or pushed it to far then don't do or say anything to make it worse. Keep that chin up bud.

Uhh Kev.. I didn't get on all that well with my Dad till I was 14/15.

Recently it's been really good.

My Mum divorced with my Dad because he was 'abusing', to be honest I can't recall all that much.. (I think he was seeing another woman, I remember he refused to take me to his 'house' for 8 months or so, then when he did, he was apparently just 'renting', next thing I know she starts coming out on trips with us and the like) - Either way, I'm not angry at him for anything he did when I was younger, tbh all I'd like is the absolute truth. But as I said, there's no grudges or anything anyway.

Basically, again, when I was younger my Dad probably wasn't totaly honest with me, but since I've been old enough to know what's going on, he's stopped the BS and it's just the truth mostly now.

I stopped getting on with my Mum when I was 14 or so. Personally, I think it's because I've started to 'seperate' from my Mum, y'know. Not depend on her, not needing her about, wanting my own space. She didn't/doesn't like that. Basically, since I've been mature enough to know what's going on around me, I haven't been getting on with her. It goes in swings, we can have several weeks without arguing and then, one day.. it'll go back to arguing all the time.

My Mum doesn't like my Dad at all, always saying nasty things about him, yet she's freindly enough when she needs him to pick up the phone. As you may have noticed, pretty much as soon as I started getting on with my Dad, things started going downhill with my Mum.


@Mackie

thanks for the advice, in response:

1) Heh thanks, I do kinda.
2) Yeh I'm doing that. I'm on this course that helps you find apprenticeships, but as you know with the crisis as it is, not easy. I did have an interview at Burger King, aparently when one of this employees goes back to Poland (no joke lol) he'll ring me and get me hired (that the plan, anyway.)
3) I try, I get wound up pretty easily I know.
4) Really wish I could, but all of my mates (that I get on well enough to share a living space with) still live with their parents

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Also remember being the youngest and only male sibling in the family, you're unfortunately going to be treated differently (rightly or wrongly) and if you have done something wrong or pushed it to far then don't do or say anything to make it worse. Keep that chin up bud.

Cheers will try and keep that in mind.

Does your mum drink a lot?

I never, ever got along with my parents. Both they and my siblings used to be pretty mean, to each other and to me.

Suddenly things changed when I turned 18. I graduated high school. That summer, my parents bought me my first motorcycle. Then I started college. My C- average in high school jumped to an A- average. I started going to the pistol range with my dad. At first it was just for fun. Then, around the time I turned 19, we started competing regularly in matches. For the first time, we actually had a good relationship.

Take it all in stride and just give it time. Try not to let every little thing bother you.

Quote from thisnameistaken :

Does your mum drink a lot?

She doesn't drink at all, she just smokes, makes cards, and watches TV (normally QVC or the like, a reality show such as BB or Xfactor or Trisha/Jeremy Kyle Show etc)

She's disabled and doesn't go out.. at all. Occasionally she'll have one of her 3 freinds round.

Quote from Forbin :

I never, ever got along with my parents. Both they and my siblings used to be pretty mean, to each other and to me.

Suddenly things changed when I turned 18. I graduated high school. That summer, my parents bought me my first motorcycle. Then I started college. My C- average in high school jumped to an A- average. I started going to the pistol range with my dad. At first it was just for fun. Then, around the time I turned 19, we started competing regularly in matches. For the first time, we actually had a good relationship.

Take it all in stride and just give it time. Try not to let every little thing bother you.

yeah.. will do. glad things at your end sorted themselves out though

Well, first up, girlfriend: Splitting up with a "serious" girlfriend at 17 is a ****ing tragedy. You will suffer, in ways you've never had to deal with before, and probably never will again. At best it will turn you into a well-rounded individual a few years down the line - you'll be better able to sympathise, understand other peoples' losses, you'll know yourself better. And you'll know what pain is. At worst it will make you bitter.

And, unfortunately, you'll probably wake up sometimes feeling sad even decades later having dreamt about that person (:cry. Look on the positive side - every experience shapes you. And without a very personal loss you would be decidedly one-dimensional.

As for your parents... Like they say, you don't get to choose your family. I had a bad time with my dad which was always bad but got especially bad when I was 14 (like you with your mum), he used to throw me out of the house for days at a time, called the cops to remove me a few times (they despaired), all sorts of mad stuff. My mum thankfully always trusted that I was a good kid but she had no power to stop him, or didn't know how. Shortly after I moved out at 17 the aggro switched to my sister so my mum left and took my sister with her. My dad was a big drinker though - that's why I asked about your mum.

It sounds like she's got an unusual perspective on life either way. I mean, her husband left her - that's got to hurt a lot. And if she can't leave the house she'll be left with her own thoughts for company a lot of the time, and that's never healthy. She's most likely frustrated with her own situation and taking her anger out on you because she's got nobody else to release it on. She wouldn't want to alienate her friends because it will be hard for her to make new friends, and with you being immediate family you're less likely to disassociate from her if she yells at you.

Maybe if you can keep your calm it might be worth trying to talk to her about why she's so angry with you all the time, or even if she realises that you get yelled at when you haven't done anything wrong? Although to be honest that never worked with my dad. Try to avoid words like 'irrational' or 'bitch' - they will break the conversation

The food thing: Offer to go food shopping, and learn to cook. It'll work out cheaper than pre-packaged meals and healthier too, and if you're only working 18 hours a week you should be able to spare an hour a day to cook an evening meal. People tend to appreciate being cooked for so it might help melt her a bit, but don't pack it in if she bitches when you get something wrong - getting stuff wrong in the kitchen isn't a rare occurence. Hell, you might even find you're good at it - instant job prospects! Either way it's a skill you'll need before you can move out on your own.

Can't think of anything else at the moment, I think that was a long post... Most important: Don't give up. Loads of us had shitty home experiences between the ages of 14 and 17, it's NOT uncommon and it's no reflection on you or your development into an adult.

Quote from S14 DRIFT :

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I decided to make this thread because I'm feeling quite emo at the moment. Maybe some of yew guys can help me get my head back on straight.. spare the ****ish comments, please. I'd rather you said nothing. I don't need it. I need help and support, I don't care if it's not on my side, but whatever the problem is, I need some help sorting it out.

Not to mention a general lack of money, which I guess is inevitable, I'm feeling pretty shit on a personal level. A rather un-easy ending of the relationship between my ex GF and myself have me down, and for some time. We've been living our own lives for the last month or so, but it eats me up every day. We don't talk anymore and I can't even look at a picture of her, or listen to any of the songs that we liked.

Secondly, things are pretty shit at home. My Mother and I haven't ever really gotten on, we just don't mesh, but normally it's a bearable relationship, but as of late everything has gone haywired. Some of you may know I was, basically, made redundant from a previous job. For the last couple of months I've been giving up 18 hours a week for a measly £30 a week, + an odd £5 bonus for 'good behaviour' and maybe £5 to cover 45 miles of riding. I have insurance to pay and other bits that I want/need, money to go out with and generally enjoy life.

To be told by my Mother (who herself doesn't work, she's disabled but that's not really an excuse) that I should go out and get a job, even when there are actually none about in my area (I've resorted to applying at Burger King, perish the thought...) to buy my own food (even when she's told me it's "very hard to get a job nowadays), because I'm no fan of micro-meals. (I say "well why don't you spend the £1.99 on something I'd actually eat.. and then that's when she goes on about get a job yourself.)

I was washing my bike and lost my temper with her rather unfair comments, so in my anger as I bolted out the garage door, spilt half of my bucket of water on the floor. I refused to clean it up unless she appologised for her bitchy comments. She refused, so I did as well.

Yesterday, I rang my Dad (who I normally get on pretty well with) because he was paying for the fitting a component to my bike, and asked if he'd call me back. He said "Yes in a minute". For 45 minutes I made the chap at the dealer wait before my Dad rang me back. Eventually, he did. I could tell he was in a mood, he got angry at the man at the dealer and then turned on me. In my absence, my Mother had decided to call my Dad and complain about my 'behaviour'. He threatend to cancel my insurance direct debit (which I'm paying him for anyway, he never helps me with money anyway). I'm at the point where, honestly, I couldn't care.

Mainly, this was because I once walked upstairs in my boots and some oil went onto the carpet (This was some time ago), and just that morning I had to run back upstairs to get my key. I had my helmet, gloves and boots on and I didn't feel like taking all 3 off, so I quickly ran upstairs (and my boots were clean, I used chain-cleaner and WD-40 to remove any oil from the sole the first time it happened). My Mother bolted out of her room to only bitch at me. I told her to **** off and went off to my crappy training course. I wasn't in a good mood.

Anyway, the thing that annoys me is that everything I do, my mother has to interfere in someway. She always checks up on what I'm doing, always has to know. Example, I went to have a piss at 1.30am (I'm normally up that time on a weekend/weekday where I don't have to get up in the morning), and she came out of her room and was like "What are you doing". She knows damn well that it's me (her excuse was that she was seeing if it was someone else) and then to get angry at me when I tell her to mind her own. I don't check up on her, I don't expect nor want the same from her. If it's of any difference, I have 3 older sisters, all of them in their 20's or 30's. I'm the only "son" that my Mum's had and even she'd admitted when I was a newborn baby, that she wanted another girl and "I had to accept that it was a boy", as I overhead on the phone.

I've told her that it annoys me, many-a-times, and yet she never listens. She interferes in what I'm doing and then I get angry, so I end up taking it out on her. She moves my paperwork (I lost my paper driving licene, MOT and proof of insurance for 3 days because SHE moved it without telling me) about at her own will and never tells me where she moves it to. I'm running about looking for paperwork only for According to her, I bully her. Which is bull, frankly. Most of this last week I've been over my freinds house till 8 or 9pm, then as soon as I get home I just lock myself in my room.

All she does is watch the Jeremy Kyle show all day while making cards for people, with a ciggarrette break inbetween episodes (she says she can't afford to pay the bills but I found 120 cigarrettes stuffed in a kitchen cupboard while looking for a pair of Scissors...).

What pisses me off about her is how she just bullshits everything. She used to swear to me alot when I was younger (13-15), and now when I say something, she has to spell it out and act like she never says any of those things. It just really annoys me, because everyone believes her because she's rather posh in her talking. She also once said to me, sometime last year, that I was "a disgrace as a son". She strongly denies saying this, infact she denies everything I said that she said. And everyone believes her. So there's no use talking to any of my family. All of my sisters hate me because of the shit she's told them. My Mum plays everything out, makes a big fuss of everything when she's on the phone to them. Like one of our neighbours is buying our Kitchen Table, and I said that if she (my Mum) rang me I'd take an early lunch and come back to help carry it across. She was on the phone at the time, but I didn't shout over her conversation, nor was I overtly obvious. She does it to me all the time, I manage both conversations. But not her. "JAMIE CAN'T YOU SEE I AM ON THE PHONE, HOW RUDE". And I was trying to help. My sister says something, and my Mum goes "Oh this isn't the half of it".

I don't have a family any more.

Now, I know that it's not all her fault, and I'm not saying it is. As some of you may notice, I become quite rude and insensitive. I'm not rude in person, at least to people I meet out and about, or my freinds, but I'll admit I'm insensitive. I don't care much for alot of things, like nature, people I don't "know". (That's not to say I wouldn't help a person I met in the street, but if they died don't expect me to attend their funeral..)

But anyway, I'm quite happy to accept some of the blame. As with most things, it's probably 50/50. Sometimes I bite at her, and other times, her constant watch gets me going. The constant "omg you have got oil on the garage door", (even though I've shown her that it'll all come off with some WD-40 without a problem..) She refuses to take any blame, and says it's all my fault. She plans to find me a flat or something (don't know how, I can't afford to pay it and she can't either) and I have a feeling after this, my Dad won't be all that accomodating anyway.

I know all of these issues are pretty silly. But it really annoys me because I can't get any peace anywhere. It's nearly always constant bickering and what not.

I'm completly different with freinds/work colleauges than I am with my parents. I don't open up at all to my Mum, and while I'm more open with my Dad, I wouldn't talk to him about a personal problem, and neither of them know about my GF. (nor do I want them to) It seems that, for a reason I don't understand, I care more about stuff when I'm away from home (i.e at my work placement)

My Dad is like a really good mate, not like a "Dad", if you know what I mean.

My Mum is like a.. well.. a mother. And a knat. Annoying and always there.

Is it wrong to say you don't love your Mum? Because I don't. Then again, I don't really love anyone anymore.

Sorry for the immense wall of text. I just needed to let it out..

(I'm 17 btw, I live with my Mum, parents divorced when I was 6).

Yeah, i know exactly how you feel. It sucks, doesn't it? my mom said she hates talking to me. My dad is a really awesome guy. My mom, well, once you meet her, let's just say you will end up in a phyc ward because of so much fury and anger. She always has to win every conversation. It's annoying! She always says, "Don't talk back to me!" I love her as my mom, but she can be a real pain. At least she makes really awesome guacemole.

In case this helps: When I left school Thatcher was still in power, and unemployment was about as bad as it is now, especially bad in West Yorkshire where I grew up. Although we weren't about to enter an enormous recession, I suppose. My parents were poor so even if they'd wanted to help me out with money they couldn't have, but I managed. I was poor, but I got by on my own when I left home at 17.

You can do it if you want to, but it will be very hard. Especially in the current climate. You seem like you're a diligent sort though, so if I were you I'd concentrate on just finding full-time work whatever it is, and finding somewhere to live. Go to the council and talk to them about housing you - explain your home situation. They should put you on a waiting list for accomodation at the very least.

It sounds like it's time for you to move out, to me.

Yeah Grip, my Mum is kinda the same with the whole "has to win the argument" thing. I don't even look at is as being right/wrong or winning/losing. It's not a competition, after all. Btw could you remove all my post from your quote and just a put a -snip-, it saves having to scroll down past it >.<

Quote from thisnameistaken :

Well, first up, girlfriend: Splitting up with a "serious" girlfriend at 17 is a ****ing tragedy. You will suffer, in ways you've never had to deal with before, and probably never will again. At best it will turn you into a well-rounded individual a few years down the line - you'll be better able to sympathise, understand other peoples' losses, you'll know yourself better. And you'll know what pain is. At worst it will make you bitter.

Yeah.. this I learnt the hard way. I've only had 2 GFs, both were 'serious'. The first one resulted in me taking an overdose. Wasn't proud. Maybe that's why I'm a bitter git already.

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And, unfortunately, you'll probably wake up sometimes feeling sad even decades later having dreamt about that person (:cry. Look on the positive side - every experience shapes you. And without a very personal loss you would be decidedly one-dimensional.

Heh, yeah I guess. Know what you mean though. "You live and you learn", right?

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As for your parents... Like they say, you don't get to choose your family. I had a bad time with my dad which was always bad but got especially bad when I was 14 (like you with your mum), he used to throw me out of the house for days at a time, called the cops to remove me a few times (they despaired), all sorts of mad stuff. My mum thankfully always trusted that I was a good kid but she had no power to stop him, or didn't know how. Shortly after I moved out at 17 the aggro switched to my sister so my mum left and took my sister with her. My dad was a big drinker though - that's why I asked about your mum.

Sounds like you had it pretty rough too... hope stuff for you has gotten better, with the relationship with your Dad and stuff..

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It sounds like she's got an unusual perspective on life either way. I mean, her husband left her - that's got to hurt a lot. And if she can't leave the house she'll be left with her own thoughts for company a lot of the time, and that's never healthy.

She has had 2 boyfreinds in the (nearly) 12 years since my Dad has left. One already had kids, we sold our Scenic and bought a larger car, he was here for about 4 years. Not exactly sure what happened, but he left. Still wants back in, so my Mum keeps moaning to me about. Then there was her 2nd one, who she was with till a couple of years ago. He was a... wierd character. He hardly spoke, he had alot of money (ran his own company), but was quite aggressive. I didn't get on with him at all, he wouldn't talk to me, and when he did all he could do was to insult me and stuff, calling me things like "Fat Mcdonalds Boy" and the like. According to my Mum, she split up with him because of how he didn't talk to me at all, and his comments and the like. Not sure why though, since she obviously doesn't care what I think..

I think she has some OCD or something, she's always cleaning, moving things about for no reason, like picking up a dish only to place it 2 inches to the left. She picked a granite worktop for a kitchen refit and gets in a pissy at me when I put anything on it. She talks to herself alot as well, like she properly does. I asked her if she realised she was doing these wierd and illogical things and she said "I should mind my own buisness".

When I was younger she'd threaten me that she'd sell the house and move, or that she'd send me off to live with my Dad, this was a weekly occurance. She even called the police one time because I wouldn't go to bed at 9pm on a Friday night when I was 13. They never bothered showing up...

We have 2 dogs and she always has to be very stern with them for.. no reason really. They're only little things, one's 8 and one's about 4 or 5. They're loyal and generally, very good dogs, yet she has to always make sure she's in total control of them pretty much all the time. Always has to be in power and control. Generally, I don't like to go out with her. She's incredibly awkward to be in conversation with, and quite often kills the conversation outside of talking to her freinds. Normally if she's going to my sisters for her Grandchildrens birthday or something, I'll stay at home.

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She's most likely frustrated with her own situation and taking her anger out on you because she's got nobody else to release it on. She wouldn't want to alienate her friends because it will be hard for her to make new friends, and with you being immediate family you're less likely to disassociate from her if she yells at you.

I've already disassociated her though.. I just live here. It's a house, not a home. Only reason I stay is because I can't physically go anywhere else due to lack of money, etc etc. She's constantly telling me that "Don't worry mister I'll be finding you a place soon". Frankly, as long as I can afford it, I have a TV and some broadband, I won't care.

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Maybe if you can keep your calm it might be worth trying to talk to her about why she's so angry with you all the time, or even if she realises that you get yelled at when you haven't done anything wrong? Although to be honest that never worked with my dad. Try to avoid words like 'irrational' or 'bitch' - they will break the conversation

Tried that many times, she ends up shouting, and I say "Why are you shouting, what's the point, I'm trying to be civil" and then she's like "I'm not shouting", but she is deaf in one ear so I don't think she realises, then it all just ends up going into another shouting match, normally resulting in me telling her to **** off and I end up going to my freinds or out on my bike on my own.

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The food thing: Offer to go food shopping, and learn to cook. It'll work out cheaper than pre-packaged meals and healthier too, and if you're only working 18 hours a week you should be able to spare an hour a day to cook an evening meal. People tend to appreciate being cooked for so it might help melt her a bit, but don't pack it in if she bitches when you get something wrong - getting stuff wrong in the kitchen isn't a rare occurence. Hell, you might even find you're good at it - instant job prospects! Either way it's a skill you'll need before you can move out on your own.

Got that base covered already. My Dad taught me to cook properly, he actually makes stuff, everything my Mum does is normally just oven cook, no actual 'hands on' stuff, so normally I end up eating Chips/Pizza/something else unhealthy. I'm not that good at cooking though, that I could get a job in it. Or I'd be doing it already, I love cooking at my Dads palce.

I wouldn't cook for my Mum however. For three reasons. One, she hardly eats meals, just whole 200g bars of Chocolate. Two, there's never enough stuff to actually cook, nor the space. We have a huge cooker (like a professional one, along with an oven/grill/microwave) and even 6 months after being fitted, it still has all the protective packaging on it, and it's nicely weighted down with all of her books and paperwork. Third reason is that every time we've gone out for a meal (normally with family or something, I don't just go with her alone ever), all she does is complain. "This orange juice isn't fresh!:sadbanana"
"This stake is medium and I asked for medium-rare!"

Even when she took me out with her (ex) BF for a meal for my birthday, all she could do is moan about how something wasn't right, or this or that.

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Can't think of anything else at the moment, I think that was a long post... Most important: Don't give up. Loads of us had shitty home experiences between the ages of 14 and 17, it's NOT uncommon and it's no reflection on you or your development into an adult.

Heh, thanks Kev. It's been a help just to even have someone to talk to.

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In case this helps: When I left school Thatcher was still in power, and unemployment was about as bad as it is now, especially bad in West Yorkshire where I grew up. Although we weren't about to enter an enormous recession, I suppose. My parents were poor so even if they'd wanted to help me out with money they couldn't have, but I managed. I was poor, but I got by on my own when I left home at 17.

You can do it if you want to, but it will be very hard. Especially in the current climate. You seem like you're a diligent sort though, so if I were you I'd concentrate on just finding full-time work whatever it is, and finding somewhere to live. Go to the council and talk to them about housing you - explain your home situation. They should put you on a waiting list for accomodation at the very least.

Well, I was working at Sainsburys back in 2007 full time (this was just a temp job, I was going to return to School to do 6th form till I realised classroom learning isn't me), and I was working 39 hours a week, bringing in about £750. I wasn't being taxed then, either. Back then, I didn't have a bike to run, plus all the accessories I want for it, and I never really went out. I do honestly want to find a semi-decent job, I know I won't be doing an awesome job to start of with, but something like Engineering apprenticeship or something would be great. But I don't want to end up living in a council house, then I'll fall into my own stereotypes there.

But seriously, I can't really do anything till I'm 18. Can't get an internet contract, can't get a phone contract, can't pay my insurance on my own. I wouldn't be earning enough to get a morgage, and a non-run-down flat to rent with all utilities (electricity, broadband, phoneline) would be around £500 per month. Say I'm earning £750 a month before tax, that's just not enough. And I'm not sure whether I can work and still get a council house.. I'm not sure of the legislation regarding that.

Besides, I would need a house/flat with either a garage or an off-the-road driveway, so I can fit a ground-anchor, or I wouldn't be able to get insurance on my bike. That's my only form of transport and it's cheaper than using a bus/train for the miles per £

Quote from thisnameistaken :

In case this helps: When I left school Thatcher was still in power, and unemployment was about as bad as it is now, especially bad in West Yorkshire where I grew up. Although we weren't about to enter an enormous recession, I suppose. My parents were poor so even if they'd wanted to help me out with money they couldn't have, but I managed. I was poor, but I got by on my own when I left home at 17.

You can do it if you want to, but it will be very hard. Especially in the current climate. You seem like you're a diligent sort though, so if I were you I'd concentrate on just finding full-time work whatever it is, and finding somewhere to live. Go to the council and talk to them about housing you - explain your home situation. They should put you on a waiting list for accomodation at the very least.

It sounds like it's time for you to move out, to me.

sorry can't! im still 16. My mom won't let me get a job because she thinks I won't be able to keep it. stupid!! My dad says it will make me a better man. Hopefully. She won't let me get a permit, because she thinks if I see a nice car, I'll drive off the road and kill myself, or my family. She is eating herself up in her own fear! either that, or she ruins my life just to have a good laugh about it.

A wise man once told me: it's the kid's job to screw up, and it's the parents' job to tell him he screwed up.

Many parents (especially these days) don't take this outlook and instead become very overprotective. In doing so, they greatly disrupt the process of growing up and becoming self-sufficient.

To be honest, you need to stop biting the bait.

If she starts getting angry or whatever, just sigh and walk away.

theres really nothing you can do until you can get a better paying job and move out, or move in with a friend or something

Quote from Klutch :

To be honest, you need to stop biting the bait.

If she starts getting angry or whatever, just sigh and walk away.

theres really nothing you can do until you can get a better paying job and move out, or move in with a friend or something

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theres really nothing you can do until you can get a better paying job and move out, or move in with a friend or something

Yup, it's obvious that there needs to be a change, and moving out is probably a smart move if you can manage it- it sounds like you've overgrown the family nest and are ready for the next thing. You'll probably develop a new perspective on your mum after you've spent some time living apart. I get along better with my mum now than I ever did as a teen, because I'm not fighting for my independence anymore, and she doesn't have to play the nagging mum game so much. That's a big relief for the both of us!

Quote from Klutch :

To be honest, you need to stop biting the bait.

If she starts getting angry or whatever, just sigh and walk away.

theres really nothing you can do until you can get a better paying job and move out, or move in with a friend or something

If I ever did that to my mom, I would be living somewhere else.

Quote from S14 DRIFT :

I'm completly different with freinds/work colleauges than I am with my parents. I don't open up at all to my Mum, and while I'm more open with my Dad, I wouldn't talk to him about a personal problem, and neither of them know about my GF. (nor do I want them to) It seems that, for a reason I don't understand, I care more about stuff when I'm away from home (i.e at my work placement)

My Dad is like a really good mate, not like a "Dad", if you know what I mean.

My Mum is like a.. well.. a mother. And a knat. Annoying and always there.

Is it wrong to say you don't love your Mum? Because I don't. Then again, I don't really love anyone anymore.

Sorry for the immense wall of text. I just needed to let it out..

(I'm 17 btw, I live with my Mum, parents divorced when I was 6).

You sound a lot like me when I was 17, except my father is not a "mate", and I hardly knew my mother.

I'm no shrink, and have no interest in family counselling. However, I've had a LOT of trouble in my own life too, having to support my family, dealing with family members suing each other, betrayed by my mother and sisters, father, etc. So I can definitely understand your "care more about stuff away from home" feeling. I used to feel that way also, like work was a way to escape family worries, and it's disheartening when you don't have work anymore to shelter yourself in.

I can't give you real "advice". I don't know you, and therefore cannot give you any better advice than what you can give to yourself. I'm just going to throw some questions for you to ponder. Maybe you'll start to have some ideas after considering them.

How do you get along with you sister? And is she old enough for you two to talk in-depth about these problems? If she is old enough and you two are close enough, perhaps you should talk with her (notice "with", not just "to") about the situation in your family and how it might be improved.

It sounds like you're getting very unreasonable treatment from your mother. Is it the divorce from your father? If you resemble your father, maybe she resents it. You said she has a disability; what does it prevent her from doing? People who were whole and healthy can find it very hard to cope when they are suddenly unable to do what they want, and that results in crankiness, being unreasonable, complaining about life and everything - these last for many years, and can escalate from Adjustment Disorder to clinical Depression.

Don't focus on rights and wrongs. It's difficult to ignore the wrongs other people do to you, especially from your own family. But the problem with letting the anger fester is that you'll end up transmitting the same angst to your own family, if you ever get married and have children of your own. "Ungrace" within families is like a genetic disease, which spreads unless you cure it within yourself. I'd be willing to wager that your mother probably had family problems when she was growing up. The only cure I know of, is that you LOVE your mother, even if she HATES you, remembering that even though she treats you like dirt, she still keeps a roof over your head, looked after your schooling, bore you into this world, while trying somehow to look after her own problems.

(My biological mother left me when I was a baby - literally on the street - and I only met her 21 years later. She has defrauded me a large sum of money since then, but I still respect the fact she is my mother, and try to treat her well. Hard? Yes. But it's better for my conscience than bearing a grudge and carrying it on to the next generation.)

Have you actually tried moving out and living with your dad? Is it possible? I wonder what her reaction will be if you did.

Here's the only piece of advice I feel comfortable giving. This is life. You can either learn from it and make yourself a better person, or just "don't care" and trash yourself. Be positive. Make an effort to control what you can, and don't worry about controlling something you can't. You can't control your mother, but you can control your perception of her and how you react to her behaviour.

Well, that's a lot of mumbo jumbo, but I hope it helps you somehow.

Quote from samjh :

You sound a lot like me when I was 17, except my father is not a "mate", and I hardly knew my mother.

I'm no shrink, and have no interest in family counselling. However, I've had a LOT of trouble in my own life too, having to support my family, dealing with family members suing each other, betrayed by my mother and sisters, father, etc. So I can definitely understand your "care more about stuff away from home" feeling. I used to feel that way also, like work was a way to escape family worries, and it's disheartening when you don't have work anymore to shelter yourself in.

I can't give you real "advice". I don't know you, and therefore cannot give you any better advice than what you can give to yourself. I'm just going to throw some questions for you to ponder. Maybe you'll start to have some ideas after considering them.

How do you get along with you sister? And is she old enough for you two to talk in-depth about these problems? If she is old enough and you two are close enough, perhaps you should talk with her (notice "with", not just "to") about the situation in your family and how it might be improved.

It sounds like you're getting very unreasonable treatment from your mother. Is it the divorce from your father? If you resemble your father, maybe she resents it. You said she has a disability; what does it prevent her from doing? People who were whole and healthy can find it very hard to cope when they are suddenly unable to do what they want, and that results in crankiness, being unreasonable, complaining about life and everything - these last for many years, and can escalate from Adjustment Disorder to clinical Depression.

Don't focus on rights and wrongs. It's difficult to ignore the wrongs other people do to you, especially from your own family. But the problem with letting the anger fester is that you'll end up transmitting the same angst to your own family, if you ever get married and have children of your own. "Ungrace" within families is like a genetic disease, which spreads unless you cure it within yourself. I'd be willing to wager that your mother probably had family problems when she was growing up. The only cure I know of, is that you LOVE your mother, even if she HATES you, remembering that even though she treats you like dirt, she still keeps a roof over your head, looked after your schooling, bore you into this world, while trying somehow to look after her own problems.

(My biological mother left me when I was a baby - literally on the street - and I only met her 21 years later. She has defrauded me a large sum of money since then, but I still respect the fact she is my mother, and try to treat her well. Hard? Yes. But it's better for my conscience than bearing a grudge and carrying it on to the next generation.)

Have you actually tried moving out and living with your dad? Is it possible? I wonder what her reaction will be if you did.

Here's the only piece of advice I feel comfortable giving. This is life. You can either learn from it and make yourself a better person, or just "don't care" and trash yourself. Be positive. Make an effort to control what you can, and don't worry about controlling something you can't. You can't control your mother, but you can control your perception of her and how you react to her behaviour.

Well, that's a lot of mumbo jumbo, but I hope it helps you somehow.

wow. man, your life isn't the best right now, but think of this... if you leave all that behind, forget about your screwed up family members (im not saying YOU are screwed up, the rest of your family is, but not the ones your trying to support), keep your head up, think positive about everything, and push those out of the way who are trying to hold you back, life will get easier for you. Someone is always going to be there samjh to always ruin your day, but if you let it happen, it will. Grab life by the horns though, and things might get easier. I'm no expert at advice, but seriously, don't let anything get you down! Also think of this... you have the family you are supporting at home who loves you, and always wants to see you smile. People who try to ruin your life don't have that. They have anger and sadness in their hearts and minds, and they always need to find someone to empty it out so they can feel better. Life will turn around dude, you just need to do make it turn around!

Speaking as somebody who has seen all this situation from the OTHER side...(ie, as the PARENT of an emotional teenager!), my advice is...
Dont forget that at the end of the day, your parents probably DO have your best interests at heart.
Your Mum is nagging because she KNOWS that times are hard financially, and SHE is probably finding it very hard to put food on the table, especially as she is trying to support YOU, when it seems from your text that she is trying to get by on a DLA..which believe me is not a lot!
She can probably do with a bit of extra support, and as (I assume) YOU are now the "Man-of-the-House" she is looking to YOU to provide that extra support.
I realise that it is quasi-impossible to get a job, but keep trying... If nothing else, it will let your Mum see that you ARE trying. Discuss things with her, ask her advice on maybe extra training/qualifications....there are a load of government incentives around (according to Brown Bullshit Press Releases) to help people like you...ask about them!

As for the GF...sorry mate, but sh*t happens, you WILL get over it!

It gets better when you leave home. You don't always see them and have a lovely break from them. Enjoy!

Quote from Forbin :

A wise man once told me: it's the kid's job to screw up, and it's the parents' job to tell him he screwed up.

Many parents (especially these days) don't take this outlook and instead become very overprotective. In doing so, they greatly disrupt the process of growing up and becoming self-sufficient.

Agreed.