Is there a way to change the steering wheel in xfg like in the xrg?

Only way i know is by getting S3 and checking out the various tweak mods

Yes, it is possible to change the corresponding DDS files for wheel texture and so on, but that would apply the change to your PC only.
The best way is indeed to get S3 lic and look through the many versions of XFGs available, there must be some that you like.

yeah im aware that it is only for my pc but do you by any chance know what is the file called?

I think it uses Cromowheel_grip.dds and Cromowheel2.dds, but it's been a long time since I messed with those files so I'm not certain they are the right ones. Back them up first before editing.

yep thats the file but its just a file that represents the texture of it meaning i cant change the actual shape of the wheel

Wheel shapes are based in the VOB, so you'll have to use the LFS Editor to change the wheel or use one of the various XFG mods available with alternative steering wheels.