Same joke used for Gary glitter - Burger King are releasing a Burger called the Gary Glitter Burger....A fifty year old piece of meat between two twelve year old buns.
I know it's not exactly the same, but along the same lines.
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," said the vet, "let's have a look at him". So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, the vet says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy".
Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside."
"...How's that?"
"Don't you start."
What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea.
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure. You look great ... the world's your oyster ... go for it."
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my Dad, or my older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu?
But I think its Colin.
Police arrested two kids yesterday; one was drinking battery acid, and the other was eating fireworks.
They charged one and let the other one off.
A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in several places". The doctor said, "Well don't go there anymore". "Doctor, doctor when I bend my arm like this it hurts." "Well don't do it!"
Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.
The other day it was revealed that Honda created a new robot that had feelings. Unfortunately the project was abandoned whey they realized they couldn't get it to be scared. Guess it had nerves of steel.
The other day I was chatting to one of my mates. I'm a fairly reasonable fit guy but knowing he was a weight control freak, I told him ironically: "Mate, I think I'm quite fat. What do you reckon?" To which he simply replied: "No shit!". Me, keeping to be ironic, responded: "Could be that"
A patient comes to a doctor:
- I'm short-sighted, can you help me?
The doctor takes him to a window, points out of it and says:
- Can you tell me what that big shiny round thing over there is?
- Of course, it's the sun.
- OK, and now tell me, how f**king much further would you like to see?!
Definetely won't be getting in an english team anytime soon after this
Q. What is the height of optimism?
A. An English batsman putting on sunscreen.
Q. What would Glenn McGrath be if he was English?
A. An all rounder.
Q. What is the main function of the England coach?
A. To transport the team from the hotel to the ground.
Q. Why is Darren Gough the unluckiest bowler on tour?
A. Because he was born in England.
Q. What's the English version of a hat trick?
A. Three runs in three balls.
Q. Why don't English fielders need pre tour travel injections?
A. Because they never catch anything.
Q. What's the English version of LBW?
A. Lost, Beaten and Walloped.
Q. What do you call a Englishman with 100 runs against his name?
A. A bowler.
Q. What's the most proficient form of footwork displayed by Stewart?
A. The walk back to the pavilion.
Q. Who has the easiest job in the England touring party?
A. The guy who removes the red ball marks from the bats.
Q. What advantage do Nasser Hussein, Mark Ramprakash, Dean Headley, Alex Tudor and Graham Hick have over the rest of their team mates?
A. At least they can say they're not really English.
Q. What does "Ashes" stand for?
A. Another Sad Horrific English Series.
Q. What do English batsmen and drug addicts have in common?
A. Both spend most of their time wondering where their next score will come from.
Q. Why are English batsmen looking forward to the new millennium?
A. So they can at least say they passed a century.
Q. Who spent the most time at the crease of anyone in the English world cup squad?
A. The lady who ironed the cricket whites.
Q. Why are English cricketers cleverer than Houdini?
A. Because they can get out without even trying.
Q. What does Gough put in his hands to make sure the next ball almost always takes a wicket?
A. A bat.
