whats the difference between jews and pizzas...
pizza's dont scream in the oven
whats the difference between jews and pizzas...
pizza's dont scream in the oven
ROFL!
How do you maie lady gaga cry? (who the **** is she?)
pokerface
pokerface
What happened to the first 9 'Malcolm' films?
LOL xD
Expand on this so-called "humour"
Malcolm X (ten)
Hrmmm...
Must be something only you old fogeys know about
Friend on facebook sent me this;
why do nuns never get f***ed?
who wants to f*** a fat old lady!
That's not even humour
Must be something only you old fogeys know about
Friend on facebook sent me this;
why do nuns never get f***ed?
who wants to f*** a fat old lady!
That's not even humour
Sadly, we know Lady GaGa. Most overplayed piece of trash EVER!!! It's a rubbish 'song', if that's what you call it.
An Englishman an Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a pub, oh shizzz the F1 is on
they just met the wrong nuns, I once met a pretty 25 year old, such a shame to reserve that DNA from the human genpool
Just remember I don't bend.
It's only gay if you make eye contact, or if you push back.
How many surrealists does it take to screw a lightbulb?
Two: one to hold the giraffe, and one to fill the bathtub with brightly colored power tools. :doh:
This is worth the read:
The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet,8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number.Why was that gauge used? Because that's the way they built them in England, and English expatriates built the US railroad. Why did the English build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by he same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used. Why did 'they' use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing. Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old, long distance roads in England ,because that's the spacing of the wheel ruts So who built those old rutted roads? Imperial Rome built the first long distance roads in Europe (and England ) for their legions. The roads have been used ever since. And the ruts in the roads? Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels. Since the chariots were made for Imperial Rome , they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing. Therefore the United States standard railroad gauge of feet, 8.5 inches is derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot. Bureaucracies live forever. So the next time you are handed a Specification Procedure/ Process and wonder 'What horse's ass came up with it? you may be exactly right. Imperial Roman army chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the rear ends of two war horses. (Two horses' asses.)
Now, the twist to the story. When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRBs. The SRBs are made by Thiokol at their factory in Utah The engineers who designed the SRBs would have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site. The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains, and the SRBs had to fit through that tunnel. The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track, as you now know, is about as wide as two horses' behinds. So, a major Space Shuttle design feature of what is arguably the world's most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse's ass.
And you thought being a horse's ass wasn't important? Ancient horse's asses control almost everything....and CURRENT Horses Asses are controlling everything else!!
Two: one to hold the giraffe, and one to fill the bathtub with brightly colored power tools. :doh:
This is worth the read:
The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet,8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number.Why was that gauge used? Because that's the way they built them in England, and English expatriates built the US railroad. Why did the English build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by he same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used. Why did 'they' use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing. Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old, long distance roads in England ,because that's the spacing of the wheel ruts So who built those old rutted roads? Imperial Rome built the first long distance roads in Europe (and England ) for their legions. The roads have been used ever since. And the ruts in the roads? Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels. Since the chariots were made for Imperial Rome , they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing. Therefore the United States standard railroad gauge of feet, 8.5 inches is derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot. Bureaucracies live forever. So the next time you are handed a Specification Procedure/ Process and wonder 'What horse's ass came up with it? you may be exactly right. Imperial Roman army chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the rear ends of two war horses. (Two horses' asses.)
Now, the twist to the story. When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRBs. The SRBs are made by Thiokol at their factory in Utah The engineers who designed the SRBs would have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site. The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains, and the SRBs had to fit through that tunnel. The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track, as you now know, is about as wide as two horses' behinds. So, a major Space Shuttle design feature of what is arguably the world's most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse's ass.
And you thought being a horse's ass wasn't important? Ancient horse's asses control almost everything....and CURRENT Horses Asses are controlling everything else!!
What's the biggest difference between men and women?
What they mean, when they say: "I got through a whole box of tissues watching that film."
:hide:
What they mean, when they say: "I got through a whole box of tissues watching that film."
:hide:
According to men women nag at them even though they do nothing, according to women they nag because men do nothing.
how many phsycologists you need to chance a lightbulb?
only one, but the lightbulb must have will to be chanced
how many swedish you need to chance a lightbulb?
42, one holds the lightbulb and others roll the house.
how many gorillas you need to chance a lightbulb
one, but you need alot more lightbulbs
these are the suckyest lighbulb jokes ive ever heard...
only one, but the lightbulb must have will to be chanced
how many swedish you need to chance a lightbulb?
42, one holds the lightbulb and others roll the house.
how many gorillas you need to chance a lightbulb
one, but you need alot more lightbulbs
these are the suckyest lighbulb jokes ive ever heard...
YES!An old man in Mississippi was sitting on his front porch watching the
sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big
under his arm.
He yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
Boy yells back "Roll of chicken wire."
Old man says "What you gonna do with that?"
Boy says "Gonna catch some chickens."
Old man yells "You damn fool, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire!"
Boy just laughs and keeps walking.
That evening at sunset the boy comes walking by and to the old man's
surprise he is dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30
chickens caught in it.
Same time next morning the old man is out watching the sun rise and he
sees the boy walk by carrying something kind of round in his hand.
Old man yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
Boy yells back "Roll of duck tape."
Old man says "What you gonna do with that?"
Boy says back "Gonna catch me some ducks."
Old man yells back, "You damn fool, you can't catch ducks with duck tape!"
Boy just laughs and keeps walking.
That night around sunset the boy walks by coming home and to the old
man's amazement he is trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duck tape
with about 35 ducks caught in it.
Same time next morning the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what
looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end.
Old man says "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
Boy says "It's a pussy willow."
Old man says "Wait up ... I'll get my hat."
sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big
under his arm.
He yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
Boy yells back "Roll of chicken wire."
Old man says "What you gonna do with that?"
Boy says "Gonna catch some chickens."
Old man yells "You damn fool, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire!"
Boy just laughs and keeps walking.
That evening at sunset the boy comes walking by and to the old man's
surprise he is dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30
chickens caught in it.
Same time next morning the old man is out watching the sun rise and he
sees the boy walk by carrying something kind of round in his hand.
Old man yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
Boy yells back "Roll of duck tape."
Old man says "What you gonna do with that?"
Boy says back "Gonna catch me some ducks."
Old man yells back, "You damn fool, you can't catch ducks with duck tape!"
Boy just laughs and keeps walking.
That night around sunset the boy walks by coming home and to the old
man's amazement he is trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duck tape
with about 35 ducks caught in it.
Same time next morning the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what
looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end.
Old man says "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
Boy says "It's a pussy willow."
Old man says "Wait up ... I'll get my hat."
ROFL. Imo, thats a brilliant joke.
Yeah, definately wrong thread. I reported him. 
AP and UPI reported that the French Government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "run" to "hide." The only two higher levels in France are "surrender" and "collaborate." The increased alert was precipitated by the recent fire which destroyed the French white flag factory, effectively crippling their military
I started writing poetry the other day:
POETR
That's coming along nicely.
POETR
That's coming along nicely.
The bad jokes thread
(1536 posts, started )
FGED GREDG RDFGDR GSFDG