At school, after discovering I had a fatal allergy to peanuts, the other boys used to hold me down and make me play Russian Roulette with a bag of Revels.
Peter Andre asked Harvey what he wanted to be when he grows up. Harvey says "A teacher". Peter Andre laughs and says "**** off Harvey! You can't even control your own pupils!"
In Ireland there is a sewage plant called Ringsend. If this isn't bad enough, a while ago the Irish spokesman announced plans to expand its capacity. By how much? I swear to God he said two turds.
I just got a job working with a theatre company. Before each performance I have to test the trap door to make sure it works. What can I say, it's a stage I'm going through.