Fifteen minutes after the Titanic sank, Michael and Patrick find themselves hugging a piece of wreckage from the great ship. The water is freezing, sharks are swimming nearby, and, of course, the Titanic is long gone.
"Oh well," says Michael, "It could have been worse."
"Worse? How could it have been worse?" screams Pat.
"We could have bought return tickets."
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An irishman walks into a pizza shop and orders a large pepperoni pizza. The man behind the counter and asks him "Do you want it cutting into 6 or 12 pieces" to which the irishman replies "Oh, just 6, I couldn't eat 12".
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Zookeeper says to Paddy, "The gorilla is on heat and we need someone to marry (wink, wink) it. Would you consider marrying (wink, wink) it for €1000?".
Paddy replies, "I will on 4 conditions:
1st I'm not going to kiss it.
2nd my family must never know.
3rd. The kids must be brought up as catholics
and
4th I'll need a couple of weeks to get the cash together!"