Be prepared for the worst joke ever. If you don't get it just don't ask about it.

A guy goes to the doctor and say, "I don't fell well. One day I feel as large as a circus tent and the next day I feel like a camping tent."

The doctor does some tests and say, "Obviously, you don't feel well because you are too tense!"

Wow. A joke truly worthy of the thread title!

Heh, the tents joke was clever

Doctor! I think I'm a pair of curtains!!!

Well, sit down and pull yourself together!


Doctor!! I think I'm a schizophrenic!

Sit down and I'll speak to you both in a minute.


Doctor!! I keep thinking I'm a kleptomaniac!!!

Have you taken anything for it?

There was a English Man, Irish Man And a indian Man

All Special Agents!

The English Man Said he was a Secret agent!

The Irish man said he was a Undercover Agent!

The Indian Man Said he was a News Agent!


I think it went like that, Dont remember

A bunch of skinheads capture a gypsy and tell him:
- You know, we are in a good mood, so before we beat the hell out of you, we'll give you a chance. You will throw a dice and if it shows 1 to 5, we'll beat you.
- And if it shows 6?
- Then you can throw again.

heres a joke that no-one can laugh

is there such thing as small green rockeater?
yes.

what it does all the day?
eats rocks

what it does at nights?
eats rocks

so thats small green rock eater, wasnt that a good joke

if there would be hole in in earth that leads out to the other side of the earth and you would drop a rock in there, woul it go to the other side of earth?
no, it would drop 2 meters and than small green rocketer would eat it.

..... mindless stupidity

batteryy: does the rockeater have to do something, anything, with the 'hole in in earth' question?

Why did the kid fall off his bike?

Someone threw a fridge at him.....

They can fit 12 oranges into a carton.
Must be abit of a squeeze.

Another one:

Q:If your driving down the street in your canoe and one of your wagon wheels falls off, how many pancakes does it take to build a purple dog house?

A:Green because a vest has no sleeves

And yes its meant to be stupid.

Finally, this thread gets on-topic again.

Q:Why would you take a hammer to bed?
A:So you could hit the sack.

Q: Why some people sleep with two stones near them?
A: One to shutdown the lights and one to check if the windows are closed.

EDIT: moved my jokes to The Jokes & Funny Links Thread. Thanks zeugnimod!

Quote from Senninha25 :

...

Stop posting off-topic, those weren't bad.

Quote from zeugnimod :

Stop posting off-topic, those weren't bad.

is there another joke thread in this forum?

One my little nephew likes to tell...

Boy: were you born with happiness or joy?
Girl: I was born with happiness
Boy: So you were born with ha-Penis...

Quote from Senninha25 :

is there another joke thread in this forum?

http://www.lfsforum.net/showth ... 16673&highlight=jokes

when my dad was a kid, he didnt know what a knock knock joke was
so this is what he said...

knock knock
whos there?
banana.
banana who?
BANANA BANANA!

Whats the difference between a porsche and a pile of dead babies?

I don't have a porsche in my garage.

How do you turn a cat into a dog?

Poor diesel all over it, light a match, throw it on it, and it goes woof!

Quote from mickyc30 :

...
How do you turn a cat into a dog?

Poor diesel all over it, light a match, throw it on it, and it goes woof!

Just for the record, you can't light diesel with a match

well petrol then.... lol sorry, I'm not much of a pyromaniac these days, trying to quit the habit.

Quote from mickyc30 :

well petrol then.... lol sorry, I'm not much of a pyromaniac these days, trying to quit the habit.

If it was already a habit, surely you'd know petrol is far more flammable than diesel?