Again, my experiences online are very different, I've rarely had a race that bad, or if I have I've just left and gone to another server.
If a server is running quali on a public pick-up race, just go somewhere else, its a total waste of time qualifying for 30 minutes for a 5-10 lap race on a public server, unless you just fancy the practice.
As far as finding races with more serious racers in, look for less popular combos with 5-8 racers, and lots of team tags in the player list (you can view players in a server by clicking the ? next to the ping in the server list).
Not that team tags are exactly a guarantee of driver quality, but it can indicate more sensible racers.
Also, if you manage to find a decent bunch of racers, add them to your buddy list in LFSworld. They dont get notified, so there is no need to feel shy, and if you go to LFSworld you'll get live alert notifications telling you which servers they are racing on. That way you can follow the good racers around a bit
It can take a little bit of effort to get the online experience to click, it certainly helps if you're quick enough to run mid-pack and avoid the spinners and newbies hacking it round at the back sometimes.
Its definitely worth it though. LFS is without a doubt the best value for money game I've ever purchased in 20 years of gaming. 3+ years solid of it being my main game and hundreds of hours of gaming for £24 is not at all bad.
But if it doesnt click for you, then fair enough. Each to his own, I always say.