Morons on the Tube at rush hour.
Is it so hard to look and plan where you're going? You can see the ticket barriers ahead of you, you know they're there - have your bloody ticket ready before you get to it, rather than holding everyone up as you stand there looking for it.
If you're going right at the top of a staircase, join it at the right-hand side, or at least try to move towards that side as you walk up it. Because at the top you're going to need to go that way and you'll piss off everyone else if you have to cross the huge crowd of people.
If a train is full, it's f*cking full. You can't create more physical space just by pushing a little bit harder. Give it up and wait for the next one, or move to a different spot on the platform. We're not all standing with our noses in other people's armpits and elbows in our sides for FUN.
And you buggers reading newspapers on a crowded train? I'm going to punch you. Why should the rest of us be huddled up and you stand there taking up the space of 3 people with your newspaper. Put it away or I'll set it on fire.
If you're standing where people need to be, obviously you're going to be in the way. Intersections are for moving through, not standing in. At least have the decency to move next to a wall. Standing in the middle and then not moving when people want past is unforgivable. And if that's on a train, people want off the train, so if you don't move and they have to push you, you have no f*cking right to look offended.
Physics apply to everybody. When the train accelerates it pushes everything on board in the opposite direction. So why are you surprised when you lose your balance? That's what the handrails are there for. Likewise, when it slows down you're going to be pushed forward. This happens EVERY TIME on EVERY method of transport, why do you still look surprised?
Machinery can go wrong. So when a ticket machine says "seek assistance" or beeps at somebody, scowling at them like they're intentionally holding you up doesn't help anybody. If you just walked into them because you were walking too close then that's your own fault - in a car you'd be liable. Give them space, let them leave the queue. Because if it was you that's what you'd have to do as well.
And I really wish people would look at the people around them. Contrary to popular belief in London, other people do exist. Which means if we meet going opposite ways on a narrow path, both of us are going to have to negotiate. I'm sick of being the only one to give ground in this city, so if you don't give some ground, please don't be surprised if I shoulder-charge you out of the way.