I saw the Ginger kid from harry potter has caught swine flu , seems he caught Hog Warts .
il got to bed now .
il got to bed now .haha, that one's fantastic
why did a police cross the road
to investigate the murder
What is the name of a man whose mother is Bosnian, and whose father is Brazilian?
-?
Retardinho.
-?
Retardinho.
a new car mancuafer has been started to compete with alfa romeo:eye-poppi
Beta julia.
Beta julia.
A man walk into a restaraunt and asks the lady behind the cash register, "What is your soup of the day?" She replies, "We have chicken noodle soup, pea soup, and turtle soup."
After pondering a while the man orders a delicious turtle soup. The lady says into the p.a. "One turtle soup!"
The man changes his mind and orders a pea soup. The lady makes the correction on the p.a. "Hold the turtle and make it pea!"
After pondering a while the man orders a delicious turtle soup. The lady says into the p.a. "One turtle soup!"
The man changes his mind and orders a pea soup. The lady makes the correction on the p.a. "Hold the turtle and make it pea!"
A women walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre...
...so the barman gives her one.
...so the barman gives her one.
Thats baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad.
Whats teh difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer?
A prostitute can wash HER crack and sell it AGAIN!
:doh:
Whats the difference between a Ferrari and a dead Prostitute?
I haven't got a Ferrari in my garage.
Whats the difference between a Ferrari and a dead Prostitute?
I haven't got a Ferrari in my garage.
How many dead prostitutes can a man fit in his garage?
I don't know, I reckon about 42 after I move my bike.
franky boyle joke
Is it? I read it from a dodgey website a few months ago, uh-oh. hehehe
still a good joke though.
good meaning good cos its a badass one , or good at being a really BAD joke? :P hehe
The proper definition of GUTS and BALLS.
"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "Are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"
"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next!"
**************************************************
A man walks into Ann Summers to purchase some see-through lingerie for his wife
He is shown several possibilities that range from £50 to £150 in price, the more see-through, the higher the price.
He opts for the sheerest item, pays the £150 and takes the lingerie home.
He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on and model it for him..
Upstairs the wife thinks 'I have an idea. It's so see-through that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on - do the modelling naked - then return it tomorrow, get a £150 refund and keep the money for myself'.
So she appears naked at the top of the stairs and strikes a pose.
The husband says 'Stone me, it wasn't that creased in the shop'.
His funeral is this Monday.
*************************************************
A few minutes before the church services started. the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.
Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
So Satan walked up to the man and said, 'Do you know who I am?'
The man replied, 'Yep, sure do.'
'Aren't you afraid of me?' Satan asked.
'Nope, sure ain't.' said the man.
'Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?' asked Satan.
'Don't doubt it for a minute,' returned the old man, in an even tone.
'Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying AGONY for all eternity?' persisted Satan.
'Yep,' was the calm reply.
'And you are still not afraid?' asked Satan.
'Nope,' said the old man.
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, 'Why aren't you afraid of me?'
The man calmly replied, 'Been married to your sister for 48 years
"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "Are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"
"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next!"
**************************************************
A man walks into Ann Summers to purchase some see-through lingerie for his wife
He is shown several possibilities that range from £50 to £150 in price, the more see-through, the higher the price.
He opts for the sheerest item, pays the £150 and takes the lingerie home.
He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on and model it for him..
Upstairs the wife thinks 'I have an idea. It's so see-through that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on - do the modelling naked - then return it tomorrow, get a £150 refund and keep the money for myself'.
So she appears naked at the top of the stairs and strikes a pose.
The husband says 'Stone me, it wasn't that creased in the shop'.
His funeral is this Monday.
*************************************************
A few minutes before the church services started. the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.
Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
So Satan walked up to the man and said, 'Do you know who I am?'
The man replied, 'Yep, sure do.'
'Aren't you afraid of me?' Satan asked.
'Nope, sure ain't.' said the man.
'Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?' asked Satan.
'Don't doubt it for a minute,' returned the old man, in an even tone.
'Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying AGONY for all eternity?' persisted Satan.
'Yep,' was the calm reply.
'And you are still not afraid?' asked Satan.
'Nope,' said the old man.
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, 'Why aren't you afraid of me?'
The man calmly replied, 'Been married to your sister for 48 years
Dear Mum Letter
A mother passing by her son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up.
Then, she saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow.
It was addressed, 'Mum.'
With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read the following letter, with trembling hands.
"Dear Mum
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you.
I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you.
I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercings', tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.
But it's not only the passion, Mum. She's pregnant.
Stacy said that we
will be very happy. She owns a caravan in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.
We share a dream of having many more children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't, really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.
In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!!
Don't worry Mum I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself.
Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren.
Love, your son, Joshua.
P.S. Mum, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house.
I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on my desk.
I love you! xxx
Call when it is safe for me to come home."
A mother passing by her son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up.
Then, she saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow.
It was addressed, 'Mum.'
With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read the following letter, with trembling hands.
"Dear Mum
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you.
I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you.
I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her, because of all her piercings', tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.
But it's not only the passion, Mum. She's pregnant.
Stacy said that we
will be very happy. She owns a caravan in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.
We share a dream of having many more children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't, really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.
In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!!
Don't worry Mum I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself.
Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren.
Love, your son, Joshua.
P.S. Mum, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house.
I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on my desk.
I love you! xxx
Call when it is safe for me to come home."
:chairfall very clever indeed
What did Michael Jacksons girlfriend say when when he died?
"First my parents leave me in Portugal, and now this!"
sorry...
"First my parents leave me in Portugal, and now this!"
sorry...
OOMG! Nearly killed me
Now I'm waiting for school to begin so I could try this thing 
Took a while till I understood it, but anyways good
did you hear Kanye West interrupted Patrick Swayze's funeral saying that Micheal Jacksons was the best funeral EVER!!!!!!
Bumped.
Comparison between a pigeon and a queer?
A pole full of shi.. and a mouth full of seed.
Comparison between a pigeon and a queer?
A pole full of shi.. and a mouth full of seed.
Whats the differene between an Essex girl and a washing machine?
The washing machine spits your load out.
The washing machine spits your load out.
whats bruce lee's favorite drink ??
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA TAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA TAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
What do you call an Essex girl with a runny nose?
Full.
A man goes into a cake shop and says to the woman "How much are these cakes then?"
"Any cake for a quid mate", replies the woman, so the bloke says "aye alright then i'll have that one at the back."
The woman says "That'll be a fiver then love". Suprised the bloke replies "eh how come its a fiver, I thought you said any cake for a quid" and the woman replies
"That's Madeira cake."
"Any cake for a quid mate", replies the woman, so the bloke says "aye alright then i'll have that one at the back."
The woman says "That'll be a fiver then love". Suprised the bloke replies "eh how come its a fiver, I thought you said any cake for a quid" and the woman replies
"That's Madeira cake."
The bad jokes thread
(1536 posts, started )
FGED GREDG RDFGDR GSFDG