lol nathan, that made me think twice
all right I had enough of this thread LMAO! 
:jawdrop:
:ouch:
What is orange, black and throws up a u?
Orang U Tan
Well you wanted a bad joke
:jawdrop::ouch:What is orange, black and throws up a u?
Orang U Tan
Well you wanted a bad joke
is that your own material?? i think not!
http://www.blonde-jokes.co.uk/top-10-dumb-blonde-jokes.php number 7! lol.
A blonde is overweight so her doctor put her on a diet.
"I want you to eat regularly for two days," he tells her. "Then skip a day and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time see you, you’ll have lost at least 2 kilos."
When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 kilos. "Why that's amazing," the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"
The blonde nods. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."
"From hunger you mean?" Asks the doctor.
"No," replies the blonde, "from skipping."
http://www.blonde-jokes.co.uk/top-10-dumb-blonde-jokes.php number 7! lol.
A blonde is overweight so her doctor put her on a diet.
"I want you to eat regularly for two days," he tells her. "Then skip a day and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time see you, you’ll have lost at least 2 kilos."
When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 kilos. "Why that's amazing," the doctor says. "Did you follow my instructions?"
The blonde nods. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day."
"From hunger you mean?" Asks the doctor.
"No," replies the blonde, "from skipping."
Lmaoo!!!!
lol yeah i like that one, made my blonde english teacher laugh.
One day Bill complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor." His friend offered, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker an cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10."
Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks.
Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.
He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:
Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better.
One day Bill complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor." His friend offered, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker an cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10."
Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks.
Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.
He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:
Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better.
hahahaahahahah. I want that machine
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"
The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement. Just then the blonde flipped the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"
lol
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"
The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement. Just then the blonde flipped the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"
lol
A horse walks into a bar
the bartender says, "why the long face"?
how many irishmen does it take to change a lightbulb?
One to hold the lightbulb, 99 to turn the house
the bartender says, "why the long face"?
how many irishmen does it take to change a lightbulb?
One to hold the lightbulb, 99 to turn the house
what do you call a whale wearing no undies?
free willy!
free willy!
You're so poor, you can't even pay attention!
well your so poor when you asked your mom what's for dinner she opened her legs and said spaghetti!
BAD!!!!!
Few from me...about lawyers
What is a crminal lawyer?
Redundant
How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
His lips are moving.
Ill advised things to say in court (taken from Mock the Week):
"Oi Wiggy! I done your daughter!"
"Is this going to take long? I'm meeting a boat from Colombia at 9"
"So...if I'm found not guilty...can I keep all the stuff I nicked?"
"How could she have seen my face?? I was wearing a BALACLAVA!"
DK
What is a crminal lawyer?
Redundant
How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
His lips are moving.
Ill advised things to say in court (taken from Mock the Week):
"Oi Wiggy! I done your daughter!"
"Is this going to take long? I'm meeting a boat from Colombia at 9"
"So...if I'm found not guilty...can I keep all the stuff I nicked?"
"How could she have seen my face?? I was wearing a BALACLAVA!"
DK
lol isn't that the point?
took from ''yo mama''? thats actually pretty good one
Shouldn't he have written cheeses with a capital C 
"guess what? the drugstore called, and their running out of you!"
"well, thats ok, because your their best seller!"
from Seinfeld.
"well, thats ok, because your their best seller!"
from Seinfeld.
nah, TC isn't the best
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. On this particular day, the teacher wanted to ask her class which part of the body went to heaven first.
One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think your mind goes to heaven first because you have to have a mind in order to believe in God."
The teacher praises the little girl as a little boy raises his hand. He says, "I think your heart goes to heaven first because God is all about love."
"Very good," said the teacher. The teacher looked up and saw Little Johnny's hand up. "Oh no," she thought, "I'm not gonna like this. "Little Johnny, which part of the body do you think goes to heaven first?" Little Johnny thinks for a minute and says, "Your feet." The teacher asked him why he thought your feet go to heaven first.
He replied, "Well, I was walking past my parents' bedroom last night and my mom had her feet up in the air and she said, 'Oh God, I'm coming!', but fortunately Dad was on top of her holding her down.
lol!
One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think your mind goes to heaven first because you have to have a mind in order to believe in God."
The teacher praises the little girl as a little boy raises his hand. He says, "I think your heart goes to heaven first because God is all about love."
"Very good," said the teacher. The teacher looked up and saw Little Johnny's hand up. "Oh no," she thought, "I'm not gonna like this. "Little Johnny, which part of the body do you think goes to heaven first?" Little Johnny thinks for a minute and says, "Your feet." The teacher asked him why he thought your feet go to heaven first.
He replied, "Well, I was walking past my parents' bedroom last night and my mom had her feet up in the air and she said, 'Oh God, I'm coming!', but fortunately Dad was on top of her holding her down.
lol!
rofl
niiiice
A young boy attends his sisters wedding with his parents.
About 15 minutes into it the boy asks his mother.. "mom, why do the brides always wear white?"
The mother answers "white is a sign of purity, which is why new brides wear white."
Even more confused than before the boy decides to ask his father.. "dad, why do the brides always wear white?"
The father thinks for a moment and replys.." son, all household appliances come in white."
About 15 minutes into it the boy asks his mother.. "mom, why do the brides always wear white?"
The mother answers "white is a sign of purity, which is why new brides wear white."
Even more confused than before the boy decides to ask his father.. "dad, why do the brides always wear white?"
The father thinks for a moment and replys.." son, all household appliances come in white."
Bush, Cheney and Rice were in an airplane that was crashing.
They had to throw one thing out to be saved.
Rice went first, she threw out a $1 bill. When Cheney asked why, she said 'I'll make somebody happy'
Then Cheney threw out 1000 $1 bills, when he was asked why, he said he'd make a lot of people happy.
The pilot then came back and threw Bush out.
His reply? I'll make everyone happy
:P
Found it on the internetz
DK
They had to throw one thing out to be saved.
Rice went first, she threw out a $1 bill. When Cheney asked why, she said 'I'll make somebody happy'
Then Cheney threw out 1000 $1 bills, when he was asked why, he said he'd make a lot of people happy.
The pilot then came back and threw Bush out.
His reply? I'll make everyone happy
:P
Found it on the internetz
DK
A bachelor has no belly because when he opens his fridge he says:
- "F**K it, the same again!" and then goes to the bed.
A married man has a belly because when he goes to bed he says:
-"F**K it, the same again!" and then goes and opens the fridge.
- "F**K it, the same again!" and then goes to the bed.
A married man has a belly because when he goes to bed he says:
-"F**K it, the same again!" and then goes and opens the fridge.
The bad jokes thread
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