But I was making the joke go to the top of a new page so everyone looking at this page can see its epicness aswell
But I was making the joke go to the top of a new page so everyone looking at this page can see its epicness aswell
Oi..this is supposed to be for BAD jokes!! I just got told off by the missus for laughing (quite loudly!) at 12.30am...in fact, I almost fell off my chair! (and THATS when the fight started!!)
They were classics..and not 'bad' at all!
Hahaha, I thank you. Those made me laugh, genuinly funny.
A young paper bag isn't feeling very well so he goes to the doctor. He tells the doctor he's not feeling well and he's tired all the time. The doctor cuts off a small slice to send off for analysis. A week later the results come back and the paper bag comes in for the news. The doctor gets him to sit down and then tells him he's got AIDS. The little bag can't understand it, saying he's never had sex before. The doctor says "Well, both your parents must have been carriers then".
Tut-tut, people have been going off-topic with good jokes! Let's rectify this dire situation with one I heard today:
What did Cindarella do when she got to the ball?
Choke!
Took me a while, which is weird, knowing my sick mind!
What did Cindarella do when she got to the ball?
Choke!
Took me a while, which is weird, knowing my sick mind!
Okay, this one is lame!
You are on the bus when you suddenly realize ... you need to fart.
The music is really loud, so you time your farts with the beat. After
a couple of songs, you start to feel better as you approach your stop.
As you are leaving the bus, people are really staring you down, and
that's when you remember: you've been listening to your ipod.
You are on the bus when you suddenly realize ... you need to fart.
The music is really loud, so you time your farts with the beat. After
a couple of songs, you start to feel better as you approach your stop.
As you are leaving the bus, people are really staring you down, and
that's when you remember: you've been listening to your ipod.
lol
Did that actually happen to you? Be honest!
Nope, I don't have an Ipod!
I just let everything fly and stare back at everyone.
Dont see whats funny or bad about that...I fart on the bus ALL the time
Stephan Hawkings has just been chosen for a football team.....He's an amazing dribbler.
too easy man, too easy, like my ex misses...
You spend more time on buses than most people so that's an unfair statement to make!
I try to fart discreetly in public - If you meter it out you can squeeze it out without any sound, and with any luck, no smell.
Lol...actually what happens sometimes with me is I plan to let one out silently, and it goes a little out of control, I don't know if it was heard or not. So I take a look at the people near me with my peripheral vision, to see if they react, because I have no idea if it was really that loud...
lmao, joke of the thread.
A man comes home from work and gives his wife a beautiful bunch of flowers. Unfortunately, the wife is in a really bad mood. She yells: "Oh, great! What do you expect me to do now? Adore you? Lie down on my back and spread my legs?!?"
The man, astonished, replies: "What? You mean we don't have a vase?"
The man, astonished, replies: "What? You mean we don't have a vase?"
chuck norris isnt in the game mortal kombat, as every move he would do would be a fatality ( made that up myself !! )
lucky is when doing the above without creating a wet patch in your underwear
:hide:
I got a job nailing pieces of wood over broken windows the other day. It looks like all those years at boarding school are finally coming in handy.
the smell is only for deaf people, so even they can know someone farted
Whats brown and hot and smells like shit? Burning shit!
Two mens are out to the bars. They sit down and order shots through the course of the night. At some point after many rounds, one of the men turns to the other, puts his hand on his shoulder and shouts (visibly drunk): "I ****ed your mom in the *** yesterday. And you what she did right after?" Embarrassed, the other guy has barely time to respond before first guy finishes "she took it in her mouth, that s**t... she ****in took it in her mouth!" At which point, second guys stands up, chugs his drink and says "I think you've had enough drinks for today, dad"
A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.'
The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?'
The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.'
The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again.
For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box '
The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave.
The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!'
The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!'
~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said, 'Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.'
The priest said, 'Confess your sins and be forgiven.'
The young woman said, 'Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times.'
The priest thought long and hard and then said, 'Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice.'
The young woman asked, 'Will this cleanse me of my sins?'
The priest said, 'No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face.'
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for
company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, 'Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a Mass for the poor creature?'
Father Patrick replied, 'I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Uniting Church people down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature.'
Muldoon said, 'I'll go right away Father. Do ya think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?'
Father Patrick exclaimed, 'Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:
Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had s*x with each of them three times.'
Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'
Man: 'What sins? '
Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?'
Man: 'I'm Jewish.'
Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?'
Man: 'I'm 92 years old ... I'm telling everybody'.
The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?'
The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.'
The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again.
For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box '
The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave.
The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!'
The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!'
~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~
There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said, 'Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.'
The priest said, 'Confess your sins and be forgiven.'
The young woman said, 'Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times.'
The priest thought long and hard and then said, 'Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice.'
The young woman asked, 'Will this cleanse me of my sins?'
The priest said, 'No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face.'
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for
company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, 'Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a Mass for the poor creature?'
Father Patrick replied, 'I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Uniting Church people down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature.'
Muldoon said, 'I'll go right away Father. Do ya think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?'
Father Patrick exclaimed, 'Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:
Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had s*x with each of them three times.'
Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'
Man: 'What sins? '
Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?'
Man: 'I'm Jewish.'
Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?'
Man: 'I'm 92 years old ... I'm telling everybody'.
Someone told this to me in class, and i warn you its VERY bad
How do you call an Emo without emotions?
Nemo xD
How do you call an Emo without emotions?
Nemo xD
I had a smile in my face when I read the first sentence of your post... but it suddenly disappeared when I read the rest of it, specially the joke part.
This joke deserves a thread for its own: "The worst jokes thread"
The bad jokes thread
(1536 posts, started )
FGED GREDG RDFGDR GSFDG