A dyslexic man walks into a bra...

A duck goes into a bar.

He waddles up to the bar and asks the barman "Got any bread?", to which the barman replies "Nope, we sell beer, not bread". "OK" says the duck, and he leaves.

Around the same time the next day, the duck returns and again asks the barman "Got any bread?". The barman again tells him that they sell grog, not bread. The duck leaves.

The next day the duck returns. "Got any bread?", he asks. The barman, now quite annoyed, replies with "Look mate, we sell beer. If you come in and ask for bread again, I'll nail your beak to the table!". The duck rolls his eyes and goes.

Sometime the next day, the duck wonders back in and approaches the bar. As the barman gives him an icy stare, he asks;

"Got any nails?"
"No, why?"
"... got any bread?"

Quote from NotAnIllusion :

I did try a tracker, but the closest match to the file type was .xm, and that didn't work. Guess I'll try again

Use Buzz. They have it on the same site.

Quote from tiagolapa :

Hi
Is that tracked music?
Try Modplug Tracker

Beat me to it.

.xm is a tracker file.

ModPlug or Buzz. Actually, dunno if Buzz opens .xm...

Shy FX & T Power - Shake Your Body (JAKAZiD Remix)

Wicked rework

Quote from S14 DRIFT :

BIG LOL

Don't tell us you don't like that song, it's out now!

Shhhh!

"Right Here" was the better track anyway... *coughs*

Signum - Harmonic

Bah humbug!

The best thing about Christmas is the huge dinner, and watching my old dear get wined up. Many lulz abound.

Although this year methinks I'll spend most of it in the pub. Free bar!!!

Those chewy Drumstick lollies.

Bite 'em and yank the paper stick out. Mmmmmmmmmmm.

I've gone back a whopping 2 pages and haven't seen one fit bird.

I'm calling Trading Standards.

SWV - I'm So Into You

Stupid Winamp shuffle.

I'm a sorry binder, but because the way I have everything set up, I have to lean right over my (more then likely violently bucking) G25, while wobbling dangerously on my broken chair.

If I cause something though, I'll lean over and bosh F3 a few times, then pull over and let them reclaim their place, or tele-pit.

Quote from robt :

something similar to this Mk1??

http://www.capripower.co.uk/board/index.php?showtopic=10583

Oh yes. Tasty!

Would much rather a TV show of a bunch of fellas doing that, then seeing an automatic cow milking machine being fitted into the back of a purple-with-flames-down-the-side Datsun Sunny while being "YO YO YO"'d at by the 50 year old son of the 36th Anglican Bishop of Peterborough.

With plenty of hot ass.

Just be friendly to people, make new friends A new start in a new place is something good, IMO.

MK Dons second in League 1 \o/!

When Chop Shop first appeared, I thought "WOW!, Bhangra Bangers was a cracking bit of telly, gotta watch Leepu in London!", then he started putting really stupid, massively unsafe wheel spacers on the car.

And then it happened the next week, and the next, and the next.....

Also, I'm not really a fan of the whole putting really thin sheet metal (Honestly, a strong fart looks like it'd dent it) over the top of shell that looks like it's been attacked by a blind man with a plasma cutter.

I'm all for giving the show to the other boys. Anyone remember that Max Power-esque show with that fathead Mike Wassischops (Y'know, the annoying one from Wheeler Dealers) on it, where "he" modifed a Rover 25? Something like that, but more in-depth, less chavvy and showing a lot of spanner time would be superb TV.

Ever since I saw Overhaulin' I've wanted to see a UK show of our Euroboxes getting the royal treatment. Sure, Foose is a genius, but I'm sick and tired of seeing 20ft long wodges of steel get lovingly fixed up. I want to see an old rusty mk2 Fiesta get sorted out, Overhaulin' style.

Only without all the BOOHOO I LUV MAI HUSBAND FOOZE PLZ OVERHUAL HIZ CAR!!111 nonsense.

Quote from JCTK :

I think the latest mondeo has grown quite a lot in size through, making it very incompatible (or uncompetitive) for BTCC...
hatchback is the way to go... short car with long(ish) wheelbase and short overhangs...

Just had a proper nose at the bloke over the roads Mondie, it is pretty large.

I was just hoping for seeing the Vectra, Mondeo and any BMW 320's hacking round Brands

Quote from thisnameistaken :

I suppose it depends what you're into. I would imagine a good scratch DJ can cope with playing a couple of records at the same time though.

Indeed. It'd just take longer for them to lock the two together. They also seem to struggle with fluidity when it comes to merging the tracks instead of just banging them together.

I can scratch to a degree myself. I tend not to cos I'm really poo at it

Quote from simscube :

Currently most of what I play is House and Techno, sometimes a bit of hip hop, but I really don't like it for the most part, I only play hip hop when my friends ask for it.

Right now I've never done any DJ work outside of my house, but once in a while a few friends will come over and I'll do some mixing for them, but most the time I'm just sitting here playing around, finding new songs that go together properly, and when I want to work on my skills with beat matching, song mixing, and other stuff like that, I'll listen to another mix (right now I've been working off of Jus†icE's A Cross The Universe album, which is a live album from one of their shows) and my goal would be to replicate it without anything but that one time reference point. So far its worked rather well too.

Hopefully soonish, after I've gotten used to using a controller (once I get a controller), I'll move on to doing work for friends, that way I get some field experience, but I'm around friends when I'm doing it.

Don't dismiss mixing hip hop, it'll teach you to shortmix and deal with broken beats properly which could lead onto playing breaks, D&B etc. I've always thought it very wise to keep what you play pretty open, as different kinds of genres require different methods to pull off a smooth, fluid mix.

Once you learn a technique that works, you can use it on your main genre. Never keep yourself boxed in, be as open as you think you can be

Also, don't rush yourself. Play to people outside of your own space when you're ready. I didn't play my first DJ set out in a club for a very long time, due to self-confidence issues.

Although when I did start, they disappeared

I too am suffering from man-flu.

Bleh. Nose is like a tap and struggling to talk

Strike - U Sure Do (1ne of a Kind Remix)

Scouse House has much lulz.

Quote from ColeusRattus :

Well, the latter has a very big IF attached to it, while the former doesn't. Everybody with online access could buy LfS (unless the scirocco would be demo content), but, as it is now, only a very tiny group of people actually knows about it and will download it in reality.

The former isn't a consistent form of advertising though. When LFS gets the 'Rocco, it'll be there for people to test and drive about until the devs or VW decide to remove it, which will be a considerable longer period of time then a games convention lasting a few days.

bbman stating that VW got their fill of promotion from a 3 day competition at a German games convention is short sighted. VW have obviously seen a good way to push their new product in a very consistant way (LFS ain't going nowhere, and certainly lasts more then 3 days) that doesn't just cover one city in one country. LFS serves VW as a form of international advertising for the 'rocco, Leipzig games convention didn't.

Indy 500 on the Amiga.

*gets his coat*

Quote from thisnameistaken :

I wish some of you bloody kids would learn to scratch instead of wasting your time mixing. Every kid in the land's got a pair of turntables and can I find a scratch DJ? Can I bollocks.

You'll struggle to find a scratch DJ who can beatmatch, even roughly, in under 8 beats

Apples and pears.

Plus, back in 1997, scratching over \o/-style trance was a cardinal sin!

(And lol@"kid" )

Quote from bbman :

They got their promotion: they ran a contest at a three-day expo with over 200.000 visitors... Isn't that enough?

200k visitors to a games convention in Germany, or an almost limitless number of people all over the world who'd be able to drive it in their own homes... which would be a better target market?

Then there's the idea of using LFS in VW dealerships to give people a little test drive before they actually drive it... (or to entertain people, GT4 in dealerships is so passé!)

I'd have really thought VAG would be pushing for it's release into the open. Not that I'm majorly bothered, I'm too much of an XFG man to be crossing days off a calender waiting for the 'Rocco

Quote from simscube :

I'd love to get some nice stuff, but due to space limitations and money limitations (16 and no job, lol), what I'm looking at is the Numark Total Control. Its basic, but at least its better than a mouse and keyboard, and we all have to start somewhere.

Those "all-in-one" controllers are good for learning the basics on, but the plasticy feel and cheapo faders will annoy you quickly.

Try before you buy (If you haven't already), and may I suggest a pure DJ controller, like the EKS XP10, routed into a proper DJ mixer. This kind of setup will really prepare you for a modern club, with a CDJ-esque platter and proper mixer with hardy EQs and nice loose sliders. Even using your keyboard to control pitch/jog and a proper mixer to manipulate your sounds will help your ability grow. I've always said that your work on the mixer is far, FAR more important then matching the beat, although the latter is (of course) a vital skill. Don't abuse the auto-BPM!

16 is a great age to start learning the dark arts of DJing. Same age as me when I took it up (although I started on vinyl, bleugh!) What genre(s) are you playing at the mo?